We caught up with the brilliant and insightful Emelda “e” Juanita De Coteau a few weeks ago and have shared our conversation below.

Emelda “E” Juanita , thanks for joining us, excited to have you contributing your stories and insights. Let’s kick things off with your mission – what is it and what’s the story behind why it’s your mission?

We live in a culture which glorifies individualism, but none of us is completely independent of other human beings; we are all, in some way, connected, and community matters – especially when you, or someone you love, belongs to a marginalized group. Years ago, I wrote a poem, Wounds Become Wings, uplifting the journey from isolation on this neurodivergent parenting journey to realizing even in the midst of challenges, we carry seeds of courage, resilience, hope and light within us; what is often perceived as a barrier – an autism diagnosis – can become a bridge to deeper empathy, compassion and understanding.

I often remind myself, and the When Motherhood Looks Different (WMLD) community, that the most powerful sentence we can say to another Mama is “I see you,” even if our lived experiences are different. This is what fuels WMLD as a purpose-driven small business, and growing tribe of Moms raising neurodivergent kids, and Moms who are neurodivergent themselves. We see each other.

Parents like us are often handed stacks of paper by “experts” with our kids’ diagnosis, and scant (if any) recommendations on how to care for us, the caregivers. This leads to burnout, exhaustion and living within our own bubbles. How can we care for our children if we have lost touch with caring for us?

Almost two years ago in late spring, I spoke aloud some raw truths – my husband Kes and I navigate waves of grief some days, mixed with joy, gratitude and uncertainty on this neurodivergent parenting journey. Those words came tumbling out after sharing my poetry at a mental health event organized by Kellene Diana of Green Heart University; we were all in a healing circle, opening up about our daily mental health challenges. Before I knew it, I began to uplift pieces of my mothering journey, and tears mixed with trembling hands as I expressed the ways this path has shaped me – persistent struggles with isolation, depression and anxiety, alongside thankfulness and joy for EVERY bit of progress Nai makes.

And something burst forth in me. I shifted away from suppressing the truth of our lived experience. And it solidified a bold action – When Motherhood Looks Different, as a community and small business offering tools for Moms like me to center wellness in their day-to-day lives was beginning, even if everything wasn’t perfect. We launched on social media – Mother’s Day weekend of 2023.

Our mission isn’t just words, it is a living and breathing intention to provide community, well-being tools, and support for moms raising neurodivergent kids, and moms who are neurodivergent themselves. Through well-being / mindfulness coaching, events, services and products, and support via the blog & social media, our heart-centered aim is to close the gap of isolation for moms like us on this journey. We matter. Our children matter. Our stories are significant. Holistic well-being and connection with one another are our birthrights.

As always, we appreciate you sharing your insights and we’ve got a few more questions for you, but before we get to all of that can you take a minute to introduce yourself and give our readers some of your back background and context?

“She’s such a beautiful child, but something is wrong.” We heard versions of this sentence about our daughter Nai starting at 2.5 years old. Like other concerned parents, Kes and I started shuffling in and out of doctor’s offices seeking answers until the life shifting diagnosis of autism arrived. We didn’t know any kids on the spectrum; suddenly, life divided into distinct areas – persistent prayer (rooted in our progressive Christian faith), therapy, school, health research, and visits to biomedical doctors focused on the root of Nai’s symptoms. As you can imagine, all of this takes a toll on everyone in the family.

Back in 2020, at the beginning of the pandemic, with online school for Nai sandwiched between tele-health visits, one thing became clear for us both – we could no longer put ourselves last. I started rooting in what I now call well-being anchors, short wellness practices ( i.e. meditation, journaling, etc.), at the beginning and end of each day. I began studying Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction (MBSR) and TSD mindfulness (focusing on the mind and body connection, being present in the moment, resilience, and acceptance, etc.).

Of course none of these modalities erased our day-to-day challenges, but they changed how I related to them. Instead of constantly reacting to stressors, I responded mindfully, supported by these healing tools. I discovered periods of sacred rest (if only for a few minutes at a time), and expanded my tolerance for being with tough emotions such as anxiety, sadness and overwhelm.

I now help Moms like me who are raising neurodivergent kids (autism, ADHD, etc.) ease caregiver stress with mindfulness in one-on-one well-being coaching sessions. During our time together, I help identify their unique stress type (as defined by TSD mindfulness), and focus on supportive strategies such as mindfulness exercises, breath work, meditation, journaling, etc. to deepen resilience, self compassion, moving through grief, and a range of other emotions. Becoming aware, as Mamas, of our triggers, helps us support our kids in deeper ways through their day-to-day difficulties. These are not just words or theories I memorize, but practices I live out.

Again, because connection is a core foundation of our work, we offer ways to be in community virtually and
in-person throughout the year with our Moms Like Us Meet Ups (virtual gathering centering tips for the journey), Wounds Become Wings, a well-being workshop series centering a different supportive wellness tools (for ex., mindful journaling, meditation, sound healing, etc.), and our Moms & Kids Like Us Meet Up where parents and kids come together locally in a fun, safe and neurodiversity affirming space. Towards the end of February, we are launching our When Motherhood Looks Different well-being store which will offer Moms meditations rooted in nervous system support, grounding and affirming their experiences, mindful Mama journaling kits (digital), and audio / digital affirmations, and more.

None of this would be possible without God planting the the vision within my heart space, a deep push internally to create what did not exist for me. Nai is the heartbeat of When Motherhood Looks Different; she informs our core values of affirming neurodiversity, rooting in our progressive Christian faith, well-being (mindfulness practices which support our collective growth, learning, and commitment to facilitating positive change within our communities), intersectional advocacy ( advocating with ALL neurodivergent children and families as we are acutely aware of how factors such as
race / ethnicity, gender, and socioeconomic status impact access to services and support), and inclusion (every voice, perspective and way of being / thinking matters).

Community is oxygen – a consistent reminder you and I are not alone. I felt this all so deeply during our first Moms and Kids Like Us Meet Up at We Rock the Spectrum gym this past September – the serenity of being surrounded by other parents who get you is priceless. None of us should have to walk alone; we have each other, across differences and life experiences.

Can you tell us about a time you’ve had to pivot?

Our purpose is not linear; I believe we are meant to move from a space of alignment, not stagnation. After being in business for 5 years, in June of 2022, I walked away from Women Creatives Chat (WCC), an organization focused on connecting women creatives through networking and wellness events (virtual and in-person), while also selling inspiring merchandise. On the surface, it all appeared to flow cohesively, but the seams were beginning to fray.

Everything within my spirit said pivot; it’s time to release, and make room for another mission-driven business – one built upon connecting with other Moms, like me, who are raising neurodivergent kids, and Moms that are neurodivergent themselves. But, I resisted. I told myself it was too late; and besides, all of the work I put in throughout the years made quitting impossible. I should simply stay the course.

Perhaps I could tweak a few things within WCC such as When Motherhood Looks Different being offered as a conference instead of becoming its own brand, and adding in events around creativity and mothering. I spun through a dizzying array of emotions within the next several months – overwhelm, frustration, sadness, and ultimately, feeling as if I had failed.
And then, pushing past that disparaging self talk, I began speaking honestly to myself – I did not leave cubicle land for a relentless clinging to comfort. Pivoting, ultimately being willing to release what no longer resonated brought me to a space of peace and acceptance, and When Motherhood Looks Different could fully emerge.

We are taught to trudge through decisions without inner reflection, and asking ourselves critical questions: What drives the work? Why do I feel led to pursue this particular path? Our WHY, in my opinion, is the foundation of a business which is not only profitable, but makes a lasting impact. Our WHY sustains us when everything unpredictable arises, and difficulties abound. Committing, consistently, to this work of rooting within, and pivoting (whenever needed), supports us in fully realizing our power – not solely as creatives and business owners, but human beings.

Maya Angelou, whose work I deeply admire, once said: “There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.” Shifting is part of our story, denying ourselves of this whether in business, or our larger life experiences shrinks the totality of who we are becoming.

Are there any books, videos, essays or other resources that have significantly impacted your management and entrepreneurial thinking and philosophy?

Awakening continually through learning is an essential part of our human experience, and particularly on the entrepreneurial road; there are multiple books, videos (featuring motivational speakers) and philosophies which influence the ways I show up in this work. But there are a few in particular I would like to highlight. Let’s dive into them together:

– Lisa Nichols on “Rescuing Yourself, Overcoming Fear, and Finding Success By Serving Others” – Tapping into the wisdom of others whose pathways into entrepreneurship are not traditional is my fuel. It serves as a consistent reminder to keep going – especially when it’s difficult. Years ago, one of my dear friends, Shannon, shared the work of Lisa Nichols (writer, speaker, trainer, and CEO of Motivating the Masses) with me. Lisa’s interview on Inside Quest (available via YouTube) remains in my consciousness because her lived experience illustrates obstacles can become opportunities – born into poverty, struggling through school (due to dyslexia), and later, as a single Mom, did not prevent her from building a multimillion dollar business, and writing multiple New York Times bestselling books.

But beyond the accolades and material wealth she accumulated, she shares, throughout the interview, key lessons which I take into my own work as an entrepreneur – accountability and inner work are daily practices (honesty about my imperfections, while celebrating the wins), “success is on the other side of service,” – it’s not about the transactional nature of what we receive from our customers, but what we give, and learning and transformation is a continual commitment, not a place of arrival.

– A Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction Workbook – Several years ago I completed an eight week course with Mindful Leader in Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction. Jon Kabat-Zinn developed the offering in 1979, “initially for chronically ill patients who were not responding well to traditional treatments, it is now used for a wide variety of reasons by hundreds of thousands of people worldwide,” and focuses on practices such as mindful breathing and eating, along with yoga,” according to Mindful Leader.

A Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction Workbook helps support me by way of uplifting specific practices – weaving mindfulness in day-to-day life (slowing down, awareness of the present moment, listening with intention, using red lights as an opportunity to connect and anchor with the breath, etc.), understanding the ways stress shows up within my body / mind / spirit, and how to support myself mindfully. I do not manage a team at the moment as the business is new, but these practices (such as the mindful check-in with myself) expand clarity around decision making, and help move me away from burn out and depletion.

Some of my favorite resource spaces are Mindful Leader (the educational section of their website includes numerous articles such as Seven Steps To Mindful Leadership), iFund Women, which offers webinars and articles for start up funding, business development, etc. and podcasts such as Goal Digger with Jenna Kutcher, SideHustlePro with Nicaila Matthews Okome, Social Media Marketing with Michael Stelzner, and Startups in Stilettos hosted by the Entreprenista Network. All of these platforms / orgs. provide education around business development, marketing, funding opportunities, and personal development that propel me forward as an entrepreneur.

Contact Info:

• Website: https://www.wmldllc.com/
• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/whenmotherhoodlooksdifferent
• Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/emelda-de-coteau-30a1097
• Other: Threads – https://www.threads.net/@whenmotherhoodlooksdifferent?xmt=AQGz26HP9YV-6OR9lQ7GXdJ9ROjY_NaB4JhOGzQDdf4U_dw

Image Credits

Keston De Coteau is a photographer. He took every photo except for the family photo. I took that one.