We caught up with the brilliant and insightful Elitia Mattox and Cullen Mattox a few weeks ago and have shared our conversation below.

Elitia Mattox and Cullen Mattox, love having you share your insights with us. Before we ask you more questions, maybe you can take a moment to introduce yourself to our readers who might have missed our earlier conversations?

We created what we wished existed. We were dating, we had unhealthy workplaces, and work cultures and we were navigating difficult family relationships. What we noticed was there’s a common thread in unhealthy relationships – so when you pull on that string the common denominator on all of those relationship types were us. We also had been previously married to other people and decided that we wanted this relationship, this union, to be healthier, different, and to operate as that iconic couple. So we created what we wished existed, knowing that we would be the common denominator. We wanted something different, and when we sought support and help, we didn’t find people that looked like us, that were doing what needed to be done when it comes to relational health, specifically. So we created it. Instead of complaining about it, we created it.

The way we created it was using our backgrounds. I have a long, storied history in education and training, while Cullen has a long history in communications and advertising. Putting those two together, we have the ability to create curriculum, content, and reach people in a way that’s bite-sized and provides actionable steps. So we first started to create what we needed, and then people noticed that these two individuals, who had been married to different people before, who had difficult workplaces, family issues going on, were at a level of peace, love, and joy that was palpable. People started to ask, How do they do that? So people started asking us our methods and we started sharing. They also recognized the speed in which we got to this level of relational health. I initially wanted to share but Cullen said WhenLoveWorks was a gift to you and not for the public. At the time, Cullen didn’t see the global vision yet but he undoubtedly enjoyed how our relationship was getting stronger-healthier. But despite not having the same vision as my husband, I just kept going. And anytime he hesitated or said, ‘I don’t want to do this front-facing,’ I was like, “Well we have to! We can’t just keep the greatness and benefit and growth to ourselves. We have to share it with other people because we got tired of seeing people struggle for love and suffer in silence.’ So we monetized and formed the business, WhenLoveWorks Dynamically.

But it started as a gift of Cullen really thinking about the content and unpacking the actual practices, coupled with my educational background. How do we actually live this healthy relationship journey? And that’s what it started as: a gift for us in our relationship that was turned outward to the public.

I think the problem we solve for our clients stems from the reality that social-emotional learning is not taught on any level, in any education classroom. Of the thousands of universities in the United States, less than 1% actually address this at all. So, you know, if you think about it, that’s setting people up to fail without essential skills. These skills are no different from any other skill. If you were going out to thrive as an astronomer and never took any classes, you’re going to fail, and you’re going to be figuring it out as you go along. That’s what’s happening in relationships – people are struggling because everybody thinks it seems easy when you meet somebody you’re compatible with. But once that chemistry takes you as far as it can, you have to fall back on those skills that you actually have. And most people don’t have those skills.

So, we solve for the clarity that you need, just to admit, ‘I don’t have the skills to create and maintain a healthy relationship.’ Secondly, we help you with the confidence that you can acquire the skills and put them to use in your life, in all your relationship types, whether at home, at work, or in the community. Confidence comes from demonstrated mastery. So, the more you practice something, the more confident you become, and that confidence can make all the difference in your relationships.

Finally, the last thing is we solve for you having control of your relationship journey. Many people allow personal relationship issues or dysfunction ships to happen to them, and we’re of the total opposite ilk. You have to be in the driver’s seat of your relationship journey. In fact, we want you to become so skilled at it that you control who you engage with intimately, who you work with, how you work, and those relationships within your family interactions and community engagements. So, we solve for that sense of control that many people feel they don’t have when navigating relationships. Instead of feeling bound by circumstances like being born into a certain family or
having to show up at a particular job, there are skills that can help people feel more confident and at ease controlling their actual journey.

We’d love to hear a story of resilience from your journey.

Well, I could talk about Cullen and my personal relationship. Remember we were the first WLWD®️clients so we developed an entire curricula to help us navigate our relational health with clarity, confidence and control. We co-created Love Literacy for us first and then shared it with the world. Now daters and couples can have the same access we had while they build their relationship proficiency with our Love Literacy program. Love Literacy is the coaching, resources and support all in a membership platform that we wish we had when we were struggling to find our way and with one another. So when I think about resilience: We definitely love the relationship profile exercise in our book, Love Literacy. We definitely love the relationship profile in our book Love Literacy. We revisit it every quarter, right? Cullen and I were dating in our late 20s and 30s, and we’re not the same people we were back then. We were also raising children, so the things we needed from one another sometimes led to conflicts. When you have children, a house, and life’s usual demands, you don’t always prioritize each other. So we had conflicts within our relationship because we were frustrated that we weren’t spending enough time together as a couple.

You have to go to work, take care of the children, but you miss your partner, and there’s no pause button on life. That’s why we love the relationship profile in our book because it allows you to intentionally pause, identify your current needs, and share them with your partner. They do the same, and then you sit down together to customize your responses. This process helped us get on the same page about our current needs and find realistic ways to meet them. The relationship profile is one of my favorite tools because it helps minimize the disconnects that many couples experience, which we call “outages” in our book. These outages, like when couples avoid talking or sit in silence, aren’t healthy for relationships. Using the profile reduces our outages and helps us check in with each other.

We do this check-in on a quarterly basis, and it allows us to see how we’ve changed over time. S*x, interactions, intimacy – they all change as you go through life, especially with children. So the relationship profile is a perfect tool for intentional reflection. If done collectively, it can really keep your relationship healthy.

Are there any books, videos or other content that you feel have meaningfully impacted your thinking?

“A Whole New Earth” by Eckhart Tolle is one such book that has profoundly influenced my perspective. It made me realize that we have a movement on our hands, and I aspire to lead with the insights gained from this work.

Contact Info:

• Website: https://wlwdynamically.com/
• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/whenloveworksdynamically/
• Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/whenloveworks/
• Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/elitia-mattox-b0264439/. https://www.linkedin.com/in/cullenmattox/

Image Credits
WLWD Photography credit : TMuck Photography www.tmuckphoto.com