We were lucky to catch up with Elisabeth Mulroy recently and have shared our conversation below.
Elisabeth , thanks for taking the time to share your stories with us today What did your parents do right and how has that impacted you in your life and career?
My parents both focused on themselves in their twenties. They didn’t date around, didn’t get involved with people romantically, which was unusual for the time and place- New York, the electrifying 80’s. They just focused on their crafts and kept themselves… pure. It wasn’t easy, but they did it, and when they fell in love after a couple years of friendship, it was as if they were made for each other. Neither was trapped by vices or addictions, neither had a bunch of baggage, neither was
By contrast, a string of messy relationships colored my youth, getting heavier and messier over time as the baggage piled up. I have struggled for a long time to manage my chemistry with people- I’m a deep feeler and connect quickly with others, but I also suffer from loneliness, isolation, and low self-esteem. I never had the self-love and wisdom to take the space that I so desperately needed to grow, but allowed myself to fall into relationships that I wasn’t even sure I wanted to be in. The inner conflict of whether or not to be in them wore down every one of those relationships until they crumbled. I find consolation in the art that has resulted from those choices, but as I’ve grown older and more hurt by my lack of self love, it’s something I admire more and more in my parents. It’s not nothing, to do what they did. Maybe they grew up in simpler times, no screens, more siblings, more nature, stay at home moms, family dinners. But I think that no matter how ‘filled up’ you are, it still takes effort to make healthy decisions for yourself, especially when it’s so countercultural.
Elisabeth , before we move on to more of these sorts of questions, can you take some time to bring our readers up to speed on you and what you do?
I grew up in a family of creatives- dancer mother, musician father. From a very young age I loved to sing, but also explored and enjoyed all the arts. Itchy feet and youthful idealism seized me in my late teens, and after high school I started traveling in an effort to understand the world and how best to help it. My purpose slowly took the shape of making documentary films about leaving “the system” in favour of small, eco-conscious communities.
After a few wonderfully exciting months studying filmmaking in Berlin, I hitchhiked around Europe for a summer, visiting other communities. But I soon found myself reminiscing on the intoxicating music scene in Berlin and the wild community of creatives I had lived with there. The following spring I decided to move to Berlin to pursue music instead. For three years I lived in a community of artists, painted all day, jammed all night, philosophised til dawn. I made money playing in the streets, in bars, and at festivals, living in what seemed like one never ending present moment. It was beautiful, totally unhealthy, and utterly magical.
The raging desire to change the world never left me, but manifested itself in my lyrics as a restless seeking for truth. My journey drew me ever inwards, where I wrestled with the nature of the universe and consciousness, the powers we hold within ourselves, with my own good and evil, and with the existence of God. The passing of my mother when I was 19 added fuel to the fire, grief only driving my longing for meaning and spiritual peace.
The songs I wrote and the energy of the art was so imbued with this yearning for truth that it had somewhat of a life and energy of its own. A muse that fed me inspiration, made the audience ache with me. The force was uncanny. It demanded acknowledgment. I called it The Palm, as a nod to my beloved mother Marie de la Palme, as well as to the boring California suburbs that kick started my journey in the first place.
What do you think is the goal or mission that drives your creative journey?
My music chronicles the phases of my spiritual journey, from veganism to we-are-one-ism to paganism to Christianity, restlessly examining human nature, its motivations, contradictions, and desires.
I follow Christ now (every past self would faint at the thought). If I would boil his life and death down to a single word, it would be Grace, which seems to be a pretty dang good meaning-of-life sound byte. That one word implies all the rest: love, free will, a moral compass, selfishness, failure, and the only real good ultimate course of action… forgiveness. Even though I struggle hugely with the imperfection of people, just knowing that there is a perfect person out there somewhere is kind of enough for me. It’s trying to live with the duality of a light and dark universe that I can’t bear…. because it isn’t GOOD. And the core of the universe… simply must be. It must! My heart cries out for Good. We all do! Why should it long for Good if Good were not better, truer, more… right than Bad? Why should good feel good if good were not… Truly Good? Does that make sense!?
I’ve followed Christ (limping) for a very humbling three years, a sinner and loser the entire time. However: my heart has slowly changed. My addictions went away. I’m not a slave to self-sabotage anymore. Sometimes I’m tempted to give up this doomed striving for goodness, to give up believing in this crazy story, and resign myself to being a selfish mess, since it appears I’ll never be perfect anyways. But the term “God-haunted” stood out from a recent sermon I heard… I know that’s what I am. I can’t help but believe, can’t help but try anyways. God’s love changed me.
I think lots of us can’t help but believe in something more beautiful. It just feels like the only real thing that makes sense. So that must be my mission I guess. I’ll continue to be honest about my philosophising. I appreciate the advice I’ve gotten to not try to figure everything out and just enjoy the moment, but I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to truly stop. I’m hoping that means it’s a useful puzzle piece for society.
For you, what’s the most rewarding aspect of being a creative?
The most rewarding part of being a creative, just like any other vocation, is when it helps serve others. Giving purpose to the pain. I think every creative will tell you that. To have your gut-wrenching diary entry read and received with gratitude by another makes the whole agonising process of sacrificing your private world worth it. It kind of relates back to Christ.. giving up your self for others. Do I necessarily WANT to tell people about the raging crazy in me? Not really. It’s terrifying. But keeping it in is harder, itchier. So giving up my tender heart like a slab of meat to be devoured… is scary, but ultimately it relieves me of the burden of having to carry it around all hidden. That’s what confession is supposed to be: acknowledging your wrongs without just blaming them on a never ending rabbit hole of trauma or past lives or the moon or something… it brings the most poignant sense of relief and cleanliness. Just being honest before the eternal consciousness that you can never hide from anyways. The best part is that you are deeply loved after your honesty… both by God, as well as by your audience.
Contact Info:
- Website: https://www.lizzyandthepalm.com
- Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/lizzyandthepalm/
- Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCv7tVB9-2XbI05HHQoe3S_g
Image Credits
Mary Campbell David Sperring John Roseboro Sadee Monell