We were lucky to catch up with Elena Fleming recently and have shared our conversation below.

Elena, thanks for joining us, excited to have you contributing your stories and insights. We’d love to hear about how you went about setting up your own practice and if you have any advice for professionals who might be considering starting their own?

After graduating from Converse College with a Masters degree in Marriage and Family Therapy, I started my career at the Forrester Center, a government agency in Spartanburg County. There I worked criminal cases around substance abuse. At that time, I was open to any possibility in the mental health field since I had no prior mental health experience. I loved working with mandated clients because they were a challenge and every day was different. It was hard and fun at the same time. After earning my full license and with some good experience, the door to private practice was opened. It was both exciting and scary. Naturally there was the fear of failure since marketing and running my own business was unfamiliar territory. After consulting those I admired most and who were influential in my career and profession, I left the agency and opened a private practice in Greenville. I chose Greenville because it was a bigger city and where I figured would be easier to find clients. I heavily marketed myself by driving to doctors’ offices and networking with my colleagues. Although, I don’t think it was just my marketing efforts that made a difference, but I think my age and life experience allowed me to take my therapy practice seriously and with passion. I believe it showed in my work and since the beginning I never had a lack of clients regardless of the fact that I was doing therapy in English as my second language. I remember when I applied to my Master’s program the advisor at that time expressed doubts of me passing the licensure exam due to English not being my native language. They appeared to discourage me from applying to the program and were afraid it was going to be a waste my time. Maybe then I unknowingly applied one of the therapy techniques I teach my clients now – do not be influenced by the opinions of others. I would change very little if I had a do-over knowing what I know now. I would take more risks such as making any changes in the way I run my practice sooner rather than later: location, the models and the programs I use, the insurances, the fees, expanding, changing the approach and etc. The advice I would give to a young professional is – reputation goes a long way. There are my own colleagues out there that I would not refer my clients to. If you open your own practice do it for the right reason, take your profession seriously, do quality work, care and you will stand out.

Elena, love having you share your insights with us. Before we ask you more questions, maybe you can take a moment to introduce yourself to our readers who might have missed our earlier conversations?

Many little signs put me on the path to becoming a therapist. Originally from Russia, I moved to the US in 2006 not speaking English and with a 6-month old baby and no family. In 2008, I had to move to Spain for a year, again not speaking the language. Experiences like that made me realize the importance of adaptivity, resiliency, the way you look at things and the importance of not taking a “victim” attitude based on your circumstances. I learned English, I got my first job at a bank as a teller (after I found out that at first they did not want to hire me because of my language, but my friendly personality, work ethic and perseverance showed them I could be a good worker and the language will come). I am grateful for this opportunity because it helped me to learn the language and adjust to American culture. After a few years of adjusting to the US, still working at the bank and raising two children I decided that it was time for my life-career. I started thinking what I would like to be doing and multiple signs brought me to thinking about being a therapist, probably seeing struggles of others and my own life challenges were the most defining factors in choosing the path of becoming a therapist.

“It it not the water around the ship that sinks the ship, it is the water inside the ship that sinks the ship.” Using this metaphor, I effectively help my clients figure out what exactly is “sinking their ship” and provide techniques and strategies to right their ship and put it in seaworthy condition. Specifically, I help my clients manage anxiety and depression, relationship issues, alcohol abuse, lack of self-confidence and self-esteem, and life adjustments.
My approach is collaborative in combination with being direct, identifying and challenging issues with my clients’ thought or life patterns. Having experienced multiple life changes myself, including being a parent, and having lived in several countries, it has helped me to become sensitive and open-minded while working with my clients.

I noticed that my clients are paradoxically most grateful for when I “call them out”. They may not like hearing it at first but after all they feel relief. I think it depends on how I do it – I think they feel that I do it out of care. It is like telling someone they have ketchup on their face – uncomfortable for both but then relieved that they will not be walking with ketchup on their face the rest of the day.

I do mostly online therapy and now am also beginning life-coaching. My biggest areas of therapy/coaching are: stress and anxiety; relationships; working with women (self-confidence, anxiety, control) and working with spouses of people with alcoholism.

What’s a lesson you had to unlearn and what’s the backstory?

The lesson I had to unlearn is not to put yourself first, and I mean in a healthy way, not a selfish way. Many therapists lack self-care and even despite a class on self-care that I took during my Master’s program, I did not put my well-being first and always put my family and clients first. Although they are still important, therapists have to make sure they are well, otherwise we are not able to help anyone or take care of anyone. I knew that, but it is hard to practice and until I fainted from exhaustion one day I did not make changes. I had to unlearn the lesson and understand that putting myself “first” not in a selfish way is welcomed and necessary. Like they tell you on the airplane – “put your oxygen mask on first and then help others”. Since that time I make sure I have enough sleep, rest, exercise, healthy eating, family and friends time. I noticed after that I became more effective for my clients and family as well.

Let’s talk about resilience next – do you have a story you can share with us?

Born in the Soviet Union and being the first of my family to leave my country and not speaking English is probably the biggest experience I have that gave me resiliency. I have raised two children with no family to help, and been in school and worked part-time at the same time. My family is still in Russia and sometimes they tell me how much they wished they were here to help me. I tell them as much as I wish so too it might have been a good thing I was on my own – would I try as hard if I had help and support and knew there is a safety net?

Contact Info:

• Website: https://www.southeasterntherapyassociates.com/
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• Other: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/elena-newman-fleming-spartanburg-sc/265083