We caught up with the brilliant and insightful Dr. Venessa Perry a few weeks ago and have shared our conversation below.
Dr. Venessa, thanks for taking the time to share your stories with us today Can you talk to us about a risk you’ve taken – walk us through the story?
10 years ago, I blew up my life. My long-term relationship ended after three years; my beloved Nana and estranged father died within a year of each other. I had a job I hated, with people who were satisfied with just collecting a check. I’d left my consulting company to work in the Obama Administration on the Affordable Care Act otherwise known as Obama Care. I hate that name, but that’s a story for another day. Ensuring people have healthcare is one of my greatest accomplishments. Unfortunately, developing and implementing health policy is some of the most bureaucratic work a person can do. To get anything done, you have to follow policies and procedures. For an entrepreneur like me, it was frustrating. There was no room for innovation or free thinking. After the Act was rolled out, I’d had enough. I walked away from a six-figure salary, with great benefits, including a retirement plan. People thought I was crazy. But I felt alone and lost, especially after my nana died because she was my biggest fan. So, I blew up my life. I sold, donated and gave away most of what I owned except for a few things that I really needed. I left all my friends and my family to start over in a new city at 42 years old.
I had to leave. If I didn’t I was going to die a very slow death. Because the truth is I hated my life. I was so miserable that I started to suffer from anxiety. I’d commit to an event with friends and never show up. I had good intentions of going. Getting dressed became a chore and I’d end up sitting on my bed for hours either online or reading a book.
When the texts and phone calls from my friends asking,“Where are you?” and “What’s your ETA?” arrived, I’d ignore them.
Inevitably, the next day, someone would call and question me about my whereabouts. Of course, I’d lie and say I fell asleep. However, my friends, the ones who know me well, figured I had an introvert moment. The idea of going out sounded great. But as the time to go grew closer, I’d suddenly get this growing pit inside of my stomach.
Deciding what to wear to the event took more effort than I had inside of me. I’d rather wear jeans and a t-shirt with sneakers to be comfortable.
Constantly having to “be on” and answering questions about my profession and where I went to school, left me mentally exhausted. Running into people I didn’t like but forced to make small talk with annoyed me. Eventually, I ignored them. After all, they weren’t saying anything important anyway.
Living in a city that was like the small town of Mayberry where everyone knew everyone began to wear me down.
I plotted my escape for close to a year before I actually left. Once I made a pilgrimage to South Africa while standing on Table Mountain, I received my confirmation that it was time to start anew.
You know you’re doing the right thing when everything falls into place. And that’s what happened. I found a reasonably priced apartment in New York City, close to the subway and the other amenities like shopping, hair and nail salons. I made new friends, started a new business, and wrote a book. It wasn’t easy, but here’s what I learned.
It’s never too late to start over
You have one life to live. Live it to the fullest. Don’t stay in situations that make you unhappy and drain the life out of you.
If it scares you, do it anyway.
There’s an expression that says if your dream doesn’t scare you, it isn’t big enough. Moving to a big city like NYC was scary. I didn’t know anyone. Well a few people, but they lived in Jersey. I had to go out alone often, but I always managed to meet people who let me tag along with them. It took courage to make such a drastic change. But in doing so I inspired a bunch of people to do the same.
Reinvent yourself.
Just because you’ve never done something doesn’t mean its impossible. If you want to be a comedian, take classes at an improv club and go to comedy shows that allow people to try out new material. I knew I wanted to be a writer. I took writing classes with people who were best-selling authors and sold screenplays. I developed my craft, wrote a book and started a blog. Take one step to make your dream come true, the rest will come.
Don’t listen to the haters.
My family told me I was crazy. My friends basically told me I wasn’t going anywhere or that I’d be back in a year. I stayed 7 years, Never let other people put their fears on you.
Enjoy every moment
Whether it’s NYC or somewhere in rural Montana, take advantage of everything the place offers. I enjoyed roaming around the city falling into movie sets, TV shows and tapings, jam sessions with musicians, singers, and open mic night. I ate my way through the city, indulging in amazing cuisines and only visited a restaurant more than once, if it was amazing. I explored parts of New York that the movies don’t show, like Fire Island, apple orchards upstate, and a lavender farm where I sat and relaxed. Each of these moments has given me a new perspective on life. The world is full of opportunities. Don’t let them pass you by. Your happiness depends on it.
Awesome – so before we get into the rest of our questions, can you briefly introduce yourself to our readers.
I am an organizational psychologist, executive coach, and Founder of Health Resources Solutions, a consulting company I started in 2001, which is rebranded as The Perry Group. When I started this company, I developed education and training programs on public health issues, such as HIV/AIDS, Hepatitis, Diabetes, etc., that impacted communities of color. Over time the work grew to developing and implementing policy to ensure the underserved had access to care. Shortly after founding the company, I realized that the organizations I was serving needed assistance in organizational development and leadership. All of our work falls under Management and Leadership, Training and Technical Assistance, Research and Evaluation. What makes The Perry Group unique is that we do this work through an equity lens to help our clients create long-term, transformational change in every area of their business related to leadership, human resources and talent, organizational culture, and community investment. Clients come to us when they want to embed equity and inclusion into workplaces to ensure employees are healthy, happy, and whole.
I’m proud of our leadership development work based on positive psychology.
When you focus on the whole person and their well-being, they become better friends, parents, partners, and employees. You must pour into your people to increase productivity or build an effective team. A very important part of our work is helping leaders of color increase their confidence, executive presence, strategic thinking, and influence in their role in corporate America. And ensuring Brown and Brown women leaders focus on their holistic well-being so that they go from surviving to thriving personally and professionally. I’m excited about the App we’re launching in the Fall to bring women of color together to focus on their well-being.
Also, I’m an author and I write about leadership and relationships for Forbes, ThriveGlobal, Huffington Post and other news outlets. My new book, The Path to Inclusivity: How to Create Safety, Well-Being, and Belonging for Black Women in Financial Services will be out next year.
Have any books or other resources had a big impact on you?
I consider myself a lifelong learner, so I’m an avid reader. Most of my reading is about leadership, business, and personal development. I believe you must know yourself better than anyone else to succeed as an entrepreneur. Your motivation, drive and philosophy on life will impact your business, The earliest book to shape my thinking as a person and an entrepreneur is my favorite, The Fountainhead by Ayn Rand. It taught me to be resilient and innovative in everything I do. It taught me not to be satisfied with the status quo. I read Brene Brown’s work on vulnerability because that’s a key leadership characteristic, but also about authenticity. John Maxwell’s books on servant leadership because I consider my work a calling. Simon Sinek’s book on understanding your motivations and how to move forward in business. I also listen to many podcasts for business and personal development, including The Secret to Success, Mel Robbins, Side Hustle Pro, Chill and Prosper, and Deeply Well.
How did you build your audience on social media?
I didn’t set out to build a following on social media. I use LinkedIn the most. One day, I posted about student loan debt when they first started talking about forgiveness. I talked about how my loan payment at the time was almost as much as my mortgage and how people of color disproportionately have more student loan debt than any other group. That post basically went viral. From there, I just continued to show up authentically and post things relevant to my work. I post lots of articles and commentaries on books I’ve read related to my field, such as pictures from events I’ve attended and, most recently, the impact of grief on my work. I’ve found that these things really resonate with my followers. If I had any advice to give, it would be to be yourself and be consistent. You never know who is watching and reading your posts. I’ve met some very good friends, colleagues, and clients on social media. Keep showing up and understand that it’s a marathon, not a sprint.
Contact Info:
- Website: https://healthresourcesolutions.com
- Instagram: drvenessamperry
- Linkedin: https://linkedin.com/in/venessam
