We were lucky to catch up with Dr. Rose Schlaff, DPT, WHC, IF (she/her) recently and have shared our conversation below.

Dr. Rose, thanks for taking the time to share your stories with us today If you had a defining moment that you feel really changed the trajectory of your career, we’d love to hear the story and details.

I’ll never forget the moment I was sitting on the floor of my shower, crying, water streaming down my back and shoulders.

I had just finished a day at my dream job, I should have been happy but the truth was, I had been struggling with my physical health for some time.

My body felt out of control. I felt disconnected from myself and my partner, drained and exhausted now after working in my career that I loved, and things that used to feel fun, easy and pleasurable no longer did.

I knew I was resourceful and knowledgeable. As a doctor of physical therapy, I understood my body and how to navigate the medical system.

Yet, after over a year of talking to various medical providers who were not helpful, I felt exhausted, disregarded, gaslit, and disappointed by the medical system.

I wasn’t sure where to turn. What are we supposed to do when we are at a point where the medical system and therapy have left us on our own?

After hundreds of conversations with women and queer folks in my pelvic physical therapy clinic I knew I wasn’t the only one feeling this way.

There are so many things women and people with uteruses are told are “normal.”

Like enjoying intimacy less as we age, or even experiencing pain during intimacy, or having painful heavy periods or feeling the desire fade in our long-term relationships, especially after kids,

I just refused to accept that.

I knew there had to be a way for me to feel good again, in my body, in my relationships

And I had to figure out a new way.

For myself and my patients.

I went on a journey to find that new way.

It involved a multifactorial approach – I looked at my physical and mental health, from sleep to nutrition to movement, emotions, and stress, I set boundaries and took a long hard look at some of the patriarchal BS that I had internalized, and I started embracing pleasure as medicine.

I practiced finding what felt good and trusting the pleasure.

I began to heal.

And to have a roadmap to go from what felt to me like just surviving, to thriving was such a relief…

I saw firsthand the ripple effect of pleasure – your body, your business, your relationship, and how you feel about sex and intimacy all impact each other, as well as your overall happiness and well-being, and I want everyone to feel this too.

Now, I combine my years of experience as a Pelvic Physical Therapist working with the world-renowned Sexual Medicine Physician, Dr. Irwin Goldstein, with holistic coaching techniques to help women, queer and non-binary leaders rediscover the power of their bodies so they can reignite their spark and experience more fun and a deeper connection in and out of the bedroom.

I will always be a physical therapy nerd that looks at sex and pleasure through a science-based lens.

This work has shown me that feeling good in your body, in your relationship, in your life, and in your bedroom is possible for anyone, no matter how many other avenues you’ve tried, how old you are, how many kids you have or how long you’ve been with your partner.

What I found was, it’s never too late or too tangled to reclaim your pleasure.

Dr. Rose, love having you share your insights with us. Before we ask you more questions, maybe you can take a moment to introduce yourself to our readers who might have missed our earlier conversations?

I’ve always been that go to friend that people shared their most sensitive or uncomfortable questions with.

It’s no surprise that I continued talking about sensitive topics and spent the last decade studying sexuality, relationships, communication, and human psychology, biology and behavior.

After years of clinical experience as a Pelvic Physical Therapist working with the world-renowned Sexual Medicine Physician, Dr. Irwin Goldstein, I saw that in order to improve your sex life and strengthen your relationship(s), it’s important to take a holistic and affirming approach.

One that honors the unique intersectionalities of your identity and lived experiences because societal/cultural/religious pressures, traditional gender roles, and unrealistic beauty standards have kept us from fully connecting to our pleasure and our partner(s) for too long.
We deserve to experience ease, joy, pleasure, deep connection and fulfillment in all facets of our lives, especially in our most intimate moments.

Now, I combine my years of experience as a Pelvic Physical Therapist with holistic coaching techniques to help women and queer leaders let go of the shame, stigma and patriarchal BS that creates stress around pleasure and intimacy so they can feel confident, connected, and carefree in their relationships in and out of the bedroom.

My practice is completely virtual so I get to work with individuals, partners and circles of leaders all over the world. I also lead retreats (the next one is in Hawaii in April 2023!) and present trainings for medical doctors, health care professionals, therapists, business owners, and other professionals – it’s a blast!

I’m a science nerd at heart – all of my work is based on the science of the brain, body and the nervous system, I love helping my clients understand the language of their bodies so they can regain the power to turn up the volume on their desire, pleasure and connection whenever they want.

I’m most proud of the impact my work has on my clients’ lives and relationships even outside the bedroom, like Demetria (she/they) who shared, “since working with Rose… I’ve asserted myself, I’ve created boundaries, I feel more sexy, I’m more open with my partner about our sex life, about our home life… at work I’m more demanding of respect and boundaries, I love it!” or Karson (she/her) who shared, “since doing this work, I really feel like I’m showing up differently in the world. I feel like I look different. I feel shiny or I feel like I’m walking around the world like I have a secret and a spring in my step in a sort of electricity that I have not felt since I was a newlywed and pre kids.” It’s such an honor to walk alongside these leaders and see them own their power and reclaim their flame.

This work has showed me that feeling good in your body, in your relationship, in your life, and in your bedroom is possible for anyone, no matter how many other avenues you’ve tried, how old you are, how many kids you have or how long you’ve been with your partner. We all deserve deep pleasure and connection and it’s possible for each and every one of us.

What’s a lesson you had to unlearn and what’s the backstory?

As I’ve continued to heal this part I’ve begun to retrain the neural pathways in my brain – reminding myself that when I overprotect others from discomfort I disrupt their growth, reminding myself that they are capable, that clear is kind and that we cannot have true intimacy without radical honesty – and as a result, I’ve seen my mental and physical health improve.

I’ve become a better friend, partner, and coach and I’ve reclaimed so much of my energy that was being spent worrying about saying things perfectly, protecting others, worrying about how others felt about me or perceived me, worrying about whether others were capable of handling hard truths.

Many of my clients have navigated a similar journey, especially in the bedroom – focusing so much on what their partner wants and needs in bed that they aren’t even sure of what they desire and enjoy, feeling like they’re “taking too long” for fear that their partner might be bored or tired, or pressuring themselves to have more frequent intimacy fearing they’ll disappoint their partner or make them feel unwanted or rejected, or avoiding giving their partner constructive feedback for fear their partner’s feelings will be hurt.

If you can resonate with these feelings I promise you’re not alone and there are many ways we can work with your nervous system and let it know your partner can handle it, let it know you’re safe to release the pressure you’ve put on yourself – to protect, support and keep others safe so that you can reconnect to your passion, pleasure, and desire – you so deserve it and it’s so possible!

How much energy do you think you could reclaim if you gave yourself permission to focus inwards? Focused on what felt good to you, what you wanted to eat, do, try, and experience, and allowed yourself to ask for it without fearing the outcome or feeling the need to protect anyone or phrase your request perfectly?

For me, it’s freed up a ton of energy AND I want to normalize that this is a practice, we’re human.

Other than training/knowledge, what do you think is most helpful for succeeding in your field?

As a Sexologist and Pelvic Physical Therapist, I may be biased but I truly believe true connection and relationships have been the most helpful thing for success in my (and possibly any) field.

Humans are social creatures, we are designed to work collaboratively, supporting one another and picking up where the other left off, plus everything is easier and more fun with friends – business included!

Once you understand how to build true connection in successful romantic relationships you can use the same skills to build successful relationships and connections in other areas. Your communication is better, you know what you truly want and can confidently communicate it, you trust yourself and others feel they can trust you too, and you can support one another. It’s the secret sauce!

Contact Info:

• Website: www.bewellwithrose.com
• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/bewellwithrose/
• Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/bewellwithrose
• Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/dr-rose-schlaff-pt-dpt-whc-if-86aa434b/

Image Credits
https://megmariephoto.com/