We recently connected with Dr. Lulu and have shared our conversation below.

Dr. , looking forward to hearing all of your stories today. If you had a defining moment that you feel really changed the trajectory of your career, we’d love to hear the story and details.

I would say that I have had 2 defining moments in my career as an adult. In my earlier days as a pediatrician, my most defining moment occured when I not only lost a colleague to suicide, but, I also lost a patient and nearly lost another.

Sometime in July of 2000, I had been wanting to call my fellow Nigerian physician colleague for the longest time, but, I kept putting it off. However, that morning, I could not resist the urge anymore. Something was screaming in my head and asking me to call her.

When I eventually sat down to make the call, it only lasted 2 minutes! Her niece picked up the phone and said the words that I will never forget: “”Aunty “So and So” blew her brains out 3 weeks ago!””

Those words changed me and the trajectory of my life forever. I went into preterm labor and had my second child 7 weeks early! Around the same time, I also started seeing more and more teens coming into my pediatric practice with depression, anxiety and suicidal behavior. The final straw was an encounter with an 8yr old boy who had attempted suicide twice!

After that experience, I decided to look closer at the reasons why these children want to kill themselves… My discovery led me to my first TEDx talk (Childhood Trauma and What You Can Do to Help).

My second defining moment occured in 2020 during the lockdown. By that time, I had sold my first private pediatric practice in South Carolina, joined the United States Air Force and moved to San Antonio, Texas with the US Air Force.

After my honorable discharge 4 years later, I opened a tiny private practice dedicated to at-risk teenagers struggling with mental health challenges, like depression, anxiety and suicidal ideation.

Unfortunately, I had to shut it down in thewake of the pandemic, but, not before I noticed a pattern in a good majority of the patients I was seeing. Many of them identified with the LGBTQ+ community, and nearly 100% of them struggled with living in authencity against a backdrop of societal stigma, rejection and ostracization, particularly from their parents and immediate family.

Encouraged by the lockdown and forced closure of my practice, I decided to get my certification as a life coach and work with parents of LGBTQ+ children struggling with self acceptance, affirmation and support of their children. Today, I coach, speak, teach, facilitate events, moderate and even curate retreats for these parents.

And I love every moment of it!

As always, we appreciate you sharing your insights and we’ve got a few more questions for you, but before we get to all of that can you take a minute to introduce yourself and give our readers some of your back background and context?

Growing up in Nigeria, I had always wanted to become an architect. I fell in love with it while attending an all girls’ boarding high school. I took a class in technical drawing and realized I love buildings, particularly old ones.

However, my dad, a traditional Nigerian Igbo father, would not hear of it. He believed it was “too masculine” for me, and he thought I might not get a good job after college with an architecture degree. He tried to push me into pharmacy “like your cousin”, he had said.

But, I wasn’t having it. I felt that if I was going to do anything medical, I might as well become a physician, so, on a dare, I went to med school!

I loved medicine, and at first, I struggled with deciding on what exactly to specialize in. I was stuck between stopping
at general pediatrics, or going further to subspecialize in adolescent medicine. In the end, “gen-peds” won my heart!

I practiced medicine for 30 years, and at one time, I actually believed I was going to die as a pediatrician, but the universe had other plans for me :)

After my brief career in private pediatric practice in South Carolina, a tiny stint in the USAF in San Antonio, Texas, today, I work as a chief agitator to the governor of Texas! I am spreading word about inclusion and belonging for the LGBTQ+ community.

The for-profit portion of my brand works with parents, corporate entities, hospitals, physicians and healthcare practitioners through diversity trainings, workshops, and my online courses and webinars.

I also offer one on one as well as group coaching to parents, physicians and other healthcare personnel on acceptance, and more importantly, affirmation of their LGBTQ+ children, employees, coworkers and patients.

I am also the 7-time bestselling author of “How to Teach Your Children About Racism”, A Teen’s Life, The Warrior Women Project and other books. My next book is due out December 31, 2022. It is titled, Invited In: How to Become the Parent Your LGBTQ+ Child Needs.

I am most proud of following my dream to quit medicine on my 30th anniversary and pursue my passion and purpose which is to end youth suicide by 2025! I am also proud to state that my efforts were rewarded by Queen Oprah Winfrey on September 13th, 2022, when I was selected to be interviewed by her on her masterclass on Oprahdaily.com

We often hear about learning lessons – but just as important is unlearning lessons. Have you ever had to unlearn a lesson?

When I was only 16, I told my very traditional Nigerian, Catholic, Igbo father that I liked girls and boys…He waived it off and told me it was only a phase. Like most children, I believed him, went about my business and tried my very best to ignore my attraction to women.

But, I subsequently struggled with significant fear, shame, guilt, and anxiety about my sexuality and had a really hard time coming to terms with who I really was. I eventually “came out of the closet” at 42 years old! I currently identify as Queer, but in truth I am proudly Bisexual, and living my life out loud like it’s golden :)

Now, here is the catch: I had always suspected that my eldest child who was assigned a male sex at birth was gay. But like most parents and families, we never talked about it at home. Even as a Queer person myself, I was neither affirming, nor supportive of my kiddo in their earlier years!

Rather, I used homophobic slurs and remarks, and inadvertently created a very psychologically unsafe environment at home. It took my child challenging me and literally giving me an ultimatum to jolt me into reality! I was consumed by internalized homophobia!

I also experienced further guilt, shame and fear as a parent of a queer child worsened by my ex-husband’s accusations that I somehow cause the child to be gay. Being raised Catholic and living in Texas, with the current hostile anti-lgbtq legislative environment, and largely homophobic society in general also didn’t help.

HOWEVER, once I realized that nearly everything I had been taught about the LGBTQ+ community had been lies and misconceptions, I made a COMPLETE U-TURN. I had to first UNLEARN EVERYTHING, then slowly LEARN to radically accept myself as a whole complete human being.

I embraced every aspect of my intersectionality: Black, Queer, Nigerian, Catholic, Physician, Mother of a Queer Child and Parent Ally, etc.

Then and only then was I able to begin the journey towards learning to affirm and support my child, who today, identifies as a Black Transgender Woman.

I have now dedicated the rest of my life to educating society, other parents struggling along their own journey of self acceptance, and affirmation of their children, as well as physicians and healthcare organizations who are largely ignorant about their LGBTQ+ patients, but play a pivotal role in helping mitigate the current health inequities plaguing the community.

Training and knowledge matter of course, but beyond that what do you think matters most in terms of succeeding in your field?

Persistence, Radical Self belief and focusing on the “what of my impact”!

I am one of very few physician moms who are doing this type of work in the LGBTQ+ arena. It is tiring and frankly dangerous, In some states in Amerikkka today, I could get arrested for offering affirming care to my patients as well as to my child.

Just this past week, the state of Michigan is toying with a plan to arrest physicians and parents offering affirming care to their children and it could be punishable by life imprisonment! How is this “the land of the free”??? In what world??

How does loving and affirming and supporting a child equate to child abuse??
I am a pediatrician, I know the effect of rejection on ANY child.
I work with teens, and homeless youth.
I know that up to 45% of LGBTQ+ youth seriously considered suicide in the past 12 months (nearly half of them are gender nonconforming/transgender/non-binary youth).
I know that up to 90% of these children have been bullied at least once at home or at school.
I know that up to 40% of homeless youth identify as LGBTQ+
I know the danger of religious trauma and conversion maneuvers cause on these poor children.
I know how much harder it is for a child to be Black and Queer any where in the world…

I also know the positive effects of community that is accepting and affirming. I know that with parental support (even just one parent) these children thrive and suicide rates drop.

I could go on and on.

These are the reasons I quit medicine to pursue this work. These are the reasons I can never stop. These are the reasons I must remain in radical self belief, persistence and hyper focus on the ultimate impact of my work.

Contact Info:

• Website: www.dr-lulu.com
• Instagram: @drlulutalkradio
• Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100082578953611
• Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/drlulu/
• Twitter: https://twitter.com/uchennaumeh9
• Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCniyYyULNDE7S3rxoTtTJRA
• Yelp: N/A
• Other: TikTok @drlulutalkradio

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