We caught up with the brilliant and insightful Desiray Marie a few weeks ago and have shared our conversation below.

Desiray , looking forward to hearing all of your stories today. We’d love to hear the backstory behind a risk you’ve taken – whether big or small, walk us through what it was like and how it ultimately turned out.

My name is Desiray Marie and I am a Bay Area Native. I moved to Texas in July 2019 from California and worked incredibly hard to get to where I am today.

In my younger adult years I was in a very abusive relationship – Physically, mentally and emotionally. I was previously diagnosed with manic depression and high functioning anxiety which more recently was re-diagnosed as PTSD and dissociative disorder caused by trauma from that abusive relationship and childhood trauma.

I was put on medication for years and undervalued as a victim of abuse in which medication did not help. Living in a society where I’m constantly forced to work with my abuser and physically living near my abuser did not help me overcome my trauma. Nor did it allow me to be a healthy and present mom to my son.

I made the decision to take control of my life in 2019 and move to a new city and state and leave all that I love behind – including my son. I fought to take him with me but unfortunately with the laws in California it was not feasible and i learned to find ways to cope with the heartbreaking situation and make the most out of it. It was the hardest thing I ever had to do but the most rewarding in so many ways.

I know what most people are thinking, “how can you just up and leave your son.” I’ve heard countless times – “I could never do what you did.” As well as the negative remarks of being a horrible mother. However, what most people don’t understand is we also as parents need to take care of our mental health and sometimes you can’t do that in a place that broke you. Had I stayed in California I would have had to work multiple jobs just to keep a roof over our head. Since I’ve moved to another state, I was able to provide 4 walls and a roof over our head, food on the table, and a heart filled with so much love and light.

Most days It’s hard for me to be proud of my own achievements but with the help of therapy, fitness, and a strong support system I was able to overcome and work through most of my trauma and plan to continue to work through my trauma unmedicated, Currently I am pregnant with my second child with the most loving and supportive partner. I truly believe the stories and experiences i share can help those that need that extra push and give them hope that they too can overcome traumas and create a healthier mindset and live the life they desire. I wanted to work hard on my mental health so i can become a better mom and attract a healthy partner to create a family with and be a good role model to my son. I am active in the gym even throughout my pregnancy, seeing a therapist once a week, and meditating as much as I can while working through my PTSD.

It’s not every day you get an opportunity to start over and I will admit it is the scariest thing I have ever done – however it was the safest and smartest risk I could take for myself, my son, and our newest addition.

I am finishing up my certification for nutrition and personal training to help people around the world to achieve their own goals. On the contrary I am also a wellness coach and volunteer my time in helping many people across the world with my experiences and giving people the opportunity to talk through their emotions of their own experiences. I am also in a mentorship that allows me to better my communication skills to coach our communities.

From victim to survivor I will always keep fighting the good fight and I will always make sure my stories are not kept in the dark as I’ve learned so many people have silently gone through the same experiences. My goal is to help our communities look for red flags and to get out safely all while overcoming the evils we have to constantly deal with as trauma survivors.

I am so thankful for fitness and what it has done to my life and helped shape me into who I am today. Had I stayed in California and stayed in a place that broke me, I wouldn’t be where I am today mentally and be able to be the most healthy, present and active mom while my son visits and be the most healthy and present mom to my future children,

Awesome – so before we get into the rest of our questions, can you briefly introduce yourself to our readers.

Sure thing! Like I said previously, I am a Bay Area native. I have lived and grew up in California for most of my life.

My main goal is to help as many people across the world know that they too can overcome trauma and create a life they desire.

Fitness has helped shape me in so many ways and working though my trauma and healing has helped me find an amazing partner that supports my goals as well.

In March 2022 I purchased a one way flight to begin a journey of self love and healing. I didn’t have a plan besides wanting to heal my trauma and feel everything I dissociated from. I found that by doing this I was able to stay in the present and have learned to become a better person and parent in this community. For years I held onto the trauma and guilt for surviving when most women are still silenced and scared. I’ve learned to utilize my experiences, work through them and use my stories to help motivate other people to work through their own traumas and speak up.

Currently I volunteer my free time by motivating and allowing an open space to friends and family across the world and help them work through their own traumas by just simply allowing them to work through their feelings. Most of the time people just want to be heard and in order to heal, you need to learn how to create healthier boundaries. That lesson in itself took me the longest time to learn but once I was able to create healthier boundaries and work through my traumas, I felt more confident in becoming who I wanted to be. I felt more confident in knowing I survived a lot of things I shouldn’t have and now I have the skills to protect myself from going through things I should have had healthier boundaries from to begin with.

My goal now – is to help you create healthier boundaries and to help you take back control of your life.

Fitness has played such a huge role in most of my healing because I stayed consistent in a healthy lifestyle. I would workout typically 5-6 days a week and ensure a healthy nutritious meal. Once I walked through those gym doors I was able to fight every demon and conquer any fear I had because I knew I was strong enough to. But this didn’t happen overnight. It took dedication and grace. I had to learn to forgive myself over and over again and learned that I too deserve grace within the chaos.

Having taken my soul searching journey, I was able to work through most of my PTSD caused from trauma. I will always be a work in progress but that’s okay. I am human and I am so incredibly proud of the mindset I’ve created and will continue to share my experiences and stories so that people across the world can do the same.

Do you think you’d choose a different profession or specialty if you were starting now?

if I could go back in time, I absolutely would choose the same profession if that meant I would learn to have healthier boundaries for myself and be able to help more people sooner. My biggest regret is not taking control of my life sooner and allowing people to continue to control my life.

However knowing what I know now, I needed to experience the downfalls to get to where I am today. While working through my traumas I have learned to not only accept what I’ve been through but be thankful for the lessons I’ve had to endure.

The most common question I get while speaking of my experiences is “How did you manage to survive all of that?” And the answer is faith. I held onto a vision that one day I will overcome my traumas and live a healthier life. I don’t think I’m 100% there but I love the journey I’m on heading towards that. As corny as It sounds, faith and grace is honestly what kept me hanging on. I have a son that needs healthy role models and I still had dreams of my happily ever after. I wouldn’t be able to have that if I didn’t learn Grace and held onto my faith of trying again tomorrow and again the next day.

Other than training/knowledge, what do you think is most helpful for succeeding in your field?

I think what’s most helpful in my fitness and wellness career is to actually practice what I preach.

As I’ve mentioned I am actively in the fitness world, studying to be a fitness trainer allows me to learn more than just workouts. It has taught me dynamics and how to be a better coach. Studying nutrition allows me to learn how to positively feed not only your body but your soul.

It’s important for your kids and family members to see you being active so that they follow suit. Our kids are sponges to society. I’ve made sure that when my son is visiting for his breaks or summers, he too sees mom continuing her workouts and helping the communities so he also sees the importance. I don’t expect him to follow in my footsteps but my dream is for him to follow his own dreams and in order to do so – there is a huge importance of seeing me achieve mine.

Contact Info:

• Instagram: Fitdess.duhhhx
• Facebook: Fitdess.duhhh
• Linkedin: Desiray Marie Stevens
• Other: Tik Tok: Fitdess.duhhh