We recently connected with Derlene Hirtz and have shared our conversation below.

Alright, Derlene thanks for taking the time to share your stories and insights with us today. Often the greatest growth and the biggest wins come right after a defeat. Other times the failure serves as a lesson that’s helpful later in your journey. We’d appreciate if you could open up about a time you’ve failed.

I was in a toxic work environment and I lost my confidence, self-worth, and self-esteem during my time there. Upon reflection, and an immense amount of personal investment in my development, I now am grateful for the experience. I think about what advice I would have given myself back then, and it would have been to just go get another job where you, as a person, are supported. What I discovered was that when we are in toxic environments, all the positive ideas of who we are to out the window. We begin focusing on what is so wrong with ourself, finding fault and blaming ourselves. One thing I am very clear on is that ‘what you feed grows.’ In other words we become who we continually tells ourselves whom we are. I had created a pattern of self-devaluation that was constant, and it not only showed up at work, it began effecting every area of my life: spouse, family, friends, health, finances, I could go on. I saw myself as a total failure in work, life, relationships.

I now look at this at the greatest opportunity in my lifetime. Once I started coaching with a mindset coach, I came to understand how I kept making excuses and being a victim in that environment. My entire world opened up once I took responsibility for my part, which by the way was 100% my responsibility. I took that job on 100% ego having been pursued and knew within 24 hours I should not have taken it. I stayed six and a half years! Seems I had some lessons to learn!

My biggest failure has turned in the greatest learning and gift of my life. I eventually moved on to become a success coach and trainer myself and now I get to help others find and acknowledge their responsibility so they can life the life and have the business they dream.

Derlene, love having you share your insights with us. Before we ask you more questions, maybe you can take a moment to introduce yourself to our readers who might have missed our earlier conversations?

I was raised in the military, attended church, had a disciplinarian father and a loving mother. My parents knew they were giving us a better life than they had. I believe that is one of the American Dreams. I had no major traumatic events; which is pretty amazing in itself. We did not have money and my parents never eluded to that fact. All I knew is we had food to eat and a place to live and a lot of friends to play with in our on-base communities. I moved every two years or so and got used to making new friends along the way. I thought it was so cool that when my father retired, I got to the same high school all four years.
What I have come to understand is that even without major trauma’s in life, our neurology stores certain events like in our nervous system like trauma. Some of the things our parents, grandparents, etc. say and do to us early in life, we store as trauma and it sits inside of us and festers, until one day something happens and we either explode or implode. That is my story. I imploded. I just wanted to stop living life. And yet, I would show up everyday at work with a smile on my face.
I once had a woman walk up and thank me for sharing that part of my story because she always felt out of place because she does not have a trauma story. It was then that I realized I needed to talk about how our neurology stores trauma (even very small incidences) that result in getting us stuck.

“Success on the outside does not equate to satisfaction on the inside.” (Suzanne Geiseman). This is true of every person I have worked with in the last eight years.
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I was considered successful by my peers, friends, colleagues, and family. I would think to myself, “Not if they knew what I was thinking and saying to myself!” I really got stuck in that kind of thinking when I worked in the toxic work environment.
After hiring a coach, I began getting certified in Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP). I am vey proud to bring the training and certification program to St. Louis. We have helped so many business owners, entrepreneurs, and sales people overcome the limitations holding them back from getting what they truly desire in both business and life. Watching the “aha’s” is probably my greatest professional moments.

That holds true in the Mastermind and coaching that I also do within my business.

In my personal life, I am most proud of the two great kids my husband, Steve, and I created. We ahve been married 43 years. lMy son is married to a wonderful woman, Cassie, and together they have two kids. My son is in Special Forces and I am grateful and admire the strength of Cassie in her support of him.

My daughter Krista, works at Edward Jones. She is driven, smart and the most admirable quality she has is that she quits work almost always on time and becomes 100% present as a mom and wife. Her husband, Joe, is very supportive of her ambitious nature and a great dad to their twins.

Becoming a grandparent is the best club I have ever joined!

One of the things that sets me apart is that I cannot talk the talk if I do not walk the walk. I hold myself accountable for everything I say and do. The difference is now I do that with self-love. I am an avid learner about how the mind/brain works and how we get to rewire those areas that no longer serve us. I am authentic in my love of others and in my daily living. I gave up “fake it to you make it” many years ago.

What I know is that no one can avoid trauma being coded in the nervous system. I also know that the majority of people like to pretend they live perfect lives all the while they are slowly dying inside. I understand how our ego thinks it is in charge of us and keeps us stuck. However, I would estimate 98% of the world walks around hiding their truest thoughts and feelings about themselves. I like working with those 2% who are ready to make shift happen!

Another quality that sets me apart is that I started my business when I was 52 years old. Most all of my friends are retired and I cannot entertain that idea. My calling is to help people become better at being them so they can have the life they desire. It is a calling and a mission so retirement is not an option for me. Therefore, it is important that surround myself with like minded people so we can support and encourage on another on those days when we would like to be home.

My clients come to You Empowered Services when they want more: life, business, money, happiness, health, and stronger relationships; overall want a more successful life. Most of the time they think it is the world working against them, when in reality, it is the other way around. My clients and students are looking to live in a state of excellence and that is what we strive to create. We work together to discover what holds them back and then set a plan in place for their dreams to become goals.

I feel like I am the most blessed person in America. I love my work, I love people, I love making a difference in a world where sometimes seems so bleak. I know that is not true. It is my job to help them see through new perspectives and make the shifts that align with their values for the most fulfilling life possible.

Can you tell us the story behind how you met your business partner?

My business partner for NLP training in St Louis is Stacey O’Byrne. She was introduced to me by my friend, Shelly. Shelly and I have been friends since high school and she had moved to California and met Stacey while networking. Stacey is the woman that was on the other end of the phone that fateful day I just want to quit life. I didn’t know how to get past the toxic work environment and was literally stuck, paralyzed, and full of fear. I picked up the phone and called her (in California). Once I finished going through her Success Academy NLP Program, I decided to become an entrepreneur and one day I called her and asked her if she would train me to bring her program to St. Louis. I remember telling her that the East and West Coast always gets the best of life and I wanted to make sure St. Louis got in on that too.
Soon, Stacey was not only my coach, my confidant, my friend, and now my business partner. She has the patience of a saint. Many times I borrowed her belief in myself in order to move forward. She has always encouraged, coached, and advised me on how to build the St Louis market. She is a powerhouse in the NLP and coaching world and I am excited to continue to share her talents and skills with my St Louis students.

Learning and unlearning are both critical parts of growth – can you share a story of a time when you had to unlearn a lesson?

A lesson that I had to “unlearn” is how I was imprinted about money and wealthy people. My dad was what is called an NCO (non-commissioned officer) in the Air Force. The street we lived on was directly across from the officer’s housing. Mom pointed out that housing was bigger and nicer and those kids over “there” had rich parents. That meant those kids got whatever they wanted: clothes, education, vacations; they could even have more than one pet! They could go to college and become whatever they wanted.

As a young girl of ten, I took that as I was “less than.” My potential was limited, I was not as important as “those” kids, and it was a sure thing I would not be going to college. This is what I mean when I talk about not having trauma and yet, my nervous system stored this with the same kind of limitations and lack of.

When I asked in high school about going to college, I was told, “there was not money” for such things. I needed to quit dreaming and get real.

That played a huge role in my desire to become a life long learner. It also played an even bigger role in limiting my dreams, owning my value, and putting myself first in my life.

It was a huge stumbling block when I began my inner work. It took a lot of work and understanding that it was my mom’s reality and she did the best she could with the tools she had. Through a process called Time Line, I rewrote that story and reframed a lot the beliefs to those of empowerment. It takes resilience, strength, bravery, and a true desire to move past those old beliefs, that, in actuality, are lies I told myself that become a foundation of my belief system.

We all show up in life with the imprints given to us. Plus we create a lot of limitations along the way into adulthood. Life happens. I now prefer to think of life as Love In Full Evolution, and the only way to evolve is to have experience that offer us opportunity to change, or not. Choice is a powerful thing, suffering is optional.

Contact Info:

• Website: https://www.youempoweredservices.com
• Facebook: Derlene Hirtz
• Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/derlene
• Youtube: Derlene Hirtz

Image Credits

headshot, Lyndsey Sales