We recently connected with Denise Relf and have shared our conversation below.

Denise, appreciate you joining us today. So let’s jump to your mission – what’s the backstory behind how you developed the mission that drives your brand?

Transforming the way you see yourself to expand your possibilities. This is a mission that I live by, and felt it was only befitting that my practice operate under this premise as well. What does it mean in practice though? It means that we are able to gain an understanding of ourselves so deep that it sends us to a space where nothing but love, compassion, and empathy resides. Where we remove the judgement and negative thinking to allow us to examine the “what’s” and “why’s” behind our actions with compassion. This is how I was able to go from someone who couldn’t even look in the mirror without cringing. I believed well into my mid thirties that I was ugly. I felt so unloveable, I felt no one would love me enough to stay, and that it was my job to make others around me feel good. As a protective measure, I would never ask for help, I would never let people in to what I was thinking or feeling. I was mechanical, cold, and slow to trust. I came to a place where I realized I was proving my worst fears true, and I needed to do different if I was ever going to experience different. I knew it would take a perspective shift, and that perspective shift really began to change my life for the better. I turned that shift into my mission, and it’s guided my work at NSG ever since!

Denise, before we move on to more of these sorts of questions, can you take some time to bring our readers up to speed on you and what you do?

I’m a proud Blessed Black Bronx chick!!! I think that’s how I’ll always see myself. That’s important to know because it is the motivation behind why I am so driven to see my practice thrive!

I was born and raised in the Bronx, the Bronx has notoriously been one of the poorest counties in the country not just economically, but health outcomes as well. The Bronx is also home to a large majority of Black and Brown folks who fall below the poverty line. Knowing this has caused me to want to see my people thrive in any way I could. It was important to me to get degrees, vote, and take part in as many legally tracked activities as possible to reflect the resilience and drive of us as Bronxites. Growing up, I thought I’d be a family court lawyer, because I loved advocating for people and seeing them maintain their own sense of power. I ended up in child welfare for nearly 20 years, but not as an attorney…as something much more…I became a leader and a voice for children & families in the Bronx and across the city for years. This work put me in contact with the field of coaching, gave me an opportunity to become a certified coach, and helped me learn the fundamentals of ethical coaching. This was just enough for me to add my Bronx-flare!

In true advocate fashion, I thought about the new skills I possessed and the gaps I noticed in my community, and knew this is was my next step…serve the underestimated population in my own backyard. I knew that if individuals felt seen, believed, and heard they could do wonders. I knew I needed to provide a space for them to get all of those things, and allow them the space to feel brave enough to begin seeing themselves. I knew that if they could see themselves, they could figure out the necessary next steps to improve their lives. As humans we desire connection, and this often causes us to create environments of shared understanding, as a result we are prone to sharing information in order to connect with others and create stronger communities around us…since I believe this to be true I knew that once someone was able to gain a new perspective on how they saw themselves they would be inclined to share with their network…what would that produce? Lateral and generational growth!

So I launched Never Stop Growing Coaching and Consulting to provide personal and professional development to BIPOC communities and those that serve the underestimated populations. On the personal development side I provide 1 to 1 and group coaching to help clients deepen their understanding of the “what’s” and “why’s of who they are, and how to create a life that the core of who they are is proud to live! On the professional development side, I support social service agencies and educational institutions learn to work with what they have to serve their target population to the best of their capacity. People desire to feel seen and validated whether its at home or work, I help people achieve that, learn to achieve it under any circumstance, and then examine their situations without judgement in order to create sustainable plans to grow and advance!

Have you ever had to pivot?

I initially wanted to focus on providing high level coaching to underestimated Black and Brown communities. I started posting on social media to try to attract the clientele I’d hope to service, and noticed that they were interested, but I could never seem to bring them in as paying clients. I offered a lot of coaching support via dm, give-a-ways, and etc., but was rarely successful in getting them to book sessions. I learned that since coaching was still relatively new to them, it did not seem like a wise investment…even if they were interested in my posts and dms. In order for me create a sustainable practice, I had to pivot. I switched up my target by upholding the same mission, transforming the way you see yourself to expand possibilities, but I began casting a wider net. I started talking about general struggles that I thought many people could relate to, I began talking about the things I’d most enjoy supporting others through, and began finding clients willing to invest. That led me to finding other creative ways to serve underestimated Black and Brown communities, I realized that if I expanded my work to social service agencies and educational institutions, I would help advance the practice of those who were directly serving the community I initially desired to serve while simultaneously growing my practice. I also began using “lives” on IG and TikTok to help me connect with both underestimated Black & Brown community members and learn more about more about the needs and pain points of every other community who was a fan of my social media channels. The pivot paid off in the end. I imagine that won’t be my last…stay tuned!

We often hear about learning lessons – but just as important is unlearning lessons. Have you ever had to unlearn a lesson?

That I am unworthy of love. My mother used to leave me in the home alone, forget to pick me up from school/make arrangements, and wasn’t affectionate. Often times people from the school would recognize me as one of their children’s classmates, or know my mom, whom they all loved and thought was cool, so they would take me home and keep me for days on end. Cellphones weren’t a thing, this was the hood of the Bronx in the 80’s. Since my mother never seemed to love or want me, I grew to believe that I would never experience being chosen and loved. Here’s the thing about a child’s mind, we create narratives based on our lived experiences that stay with us and become our biggest battles in adulthood. The things we hear and experience, good or bad, become our truth, and it can often be extremely difficult to unlearn. If I’m honest, there are moments where I realize the impacts of that long held belief show up in new areas of my life as I grow and evolve through life. I have to go within myself, pray, and remember that narrative was never true. Empathy helped me to realize that mother was doing the best she could for herself based on what she knew to do at the time, and it had nothing to do with me. Grace helped me to see areas in my own life where I too impacted people unintentionally, and I, like my mother needed to be forgiven, and unlike my mother, am actually able to notice this and forgive myself. Both of those discoveries help me in moments where old “truths” try to resurface, I am able to reflect on how powerful my mind is that if I believe I am loved and worthy of it, then I can see it in the friends, family, and strangers around me. This helps more than anyone can imagine…lesson UNLEARNED!     

Contact Info:

• Website: https://thekeynsg.com
• Instagram: Thekey_Neverstopgrowing
• Facebook: Never Stop Growing Coaching
• Linkedin: www.linkedin.com/in/coachdnsg
• Youtube: Thekeynsg
• TikTok: NSGCoaching

Image Credits
Photo with book and black t-shirt on…photo credit: jandre,r