We’re excited to introduce you to the always interesting and insightful Deborah Schaefer. We hope you’ll enjoy our conversation with Deborah below.

Deborah, thanks for taking the time to share your stories with us today It’s always helpful to hear about times when someone’s had to take a risk – how did they think through the decision, why did they take the risk, and what ended up happening. We’d love to hear about a risk you’ve taken.

Finally finding my voice, like a leg lamp. I am ready to reclaim my voice and shine that light. Over the years, 36 years to be exact, I sat quietly while he spoke and told my life story for me in the confines of our marriage. Finally, free to tell my story without consequences , fear , or the terror of another round of abuse, I was an abused women, yet, an educated woman, a woman so badly battered and nearly destroyed by a man whom I chose to love honor and shelter till death do us part. It was pure terror not knowing what I would awaken to each morning, so I left; it was finally time after another round of near destructive lies, when I fled for my life. Yes, ladies, clad with a suitcase, a hidden car and a plane ticket, I was landing in a place that I once called home.
Arriving, I was given a letter, a plea from my abusing husband who so abused my soul, hoping and asking me that i could or would heal from his issues and be whole again with him in our marriage. It stated to me, that I had stood by him when I should not have and why I did, was because, he said, “This is who you are, even though I often tried to destroy you.” Quote, he said,” I tried to figure out why you never left until now? You continued to give me so many chances hoping I would stop this cycle of abuse, but, I never did and you finally left. ”

Deborah, before we move on to more of these sorts of questions, can you take some time to bring our readers up to speed on you and what you do?

The truth was, when I stopped to think about this, it was not humor, it was pure terror! Thirty six years of marriage left me with a shell of myself. This is hard to explain how quickly I could be forced to vacillate from this confident super nurse and mother, to an abused voiceless woman, because of the way that I was robbed of my freedom and my opinions and ultimately my voice by him. I was forced to seek the hidden co owned check book, hide the groceries and to surrender my opinion to a man who never heard me or cared about me. When I left him, I left every material thing I owned; my furniture ,my favorite cookbooks, and even the people whom I loved the most, my adult daughters. He took my voiceless daughters and used them against me .I was told that I chose to play the victim by this man, however, he was the abuser. Funny how that abuse continued even through the divorcing process and after I was no longer in the marriage.
The woman in me was pushed into a downward spiral for many years prior to leaving the marriage, until the day I discovered me through the support of a woman who believed in me, gave me a plane ticket and told me that I deserved a better life. She is the reason i stand strong and received extensive counseling for domestic violence and began this journey to become me…. whole, yet always healing. I now have the support of a woman whom i share my life story , fears and failures! We all need this woman in our lives don’t we ladies ? He, now my ex, tried to take away that unique part of me and force me to become less than human. It was like a slow death. It took a long time, a forever and a lot of work for me to be ready to share my story with you. Yes ladies. I pray that on some level , when you read this, it can touch hearts and inspire you to begin anew.

Can you share a story from your journey that illustrates your resilience?

I did not deserve the way i lived nor did i choose it . I was lead to believe that I could not accomplish anything, not even drive a car ! Funny that I was able to complete a masters degree and loved my job . But, i always wondered how or what i could have accomplished if i had my voice and believed in me. Maybe i could have discovered something wonderful and benefited mankind . But, maybe just maybe, my story told by this humble woman might inspire someone somewhere to believe they can accomplish something with a suitcase and a prayer and even with a leg lamp!!!

We’d love to hear a story of resilience from your journey.

Since I am free, I had to learn a new identity and construct a new story. Now wait a minute… this is who I once was, pleasing and striving to be quiet and passive. and this is who I am now, a college professor a caretaker of elders and a grandmother, someone who is confident and much stronger, no longer abused and my friends say, I should and could have been a doctor! This is a story of resilience, humility, pride and prayer.I knew once I was healing, that the joys of watching a leg lamp at Christmas lite up knowing that there was an old abandoned me and a old leg lamp, a new flame in the window of life!