We were lucky to catch up with Deborah Rubin recently and have shared our conversation below.
Alright, Deborah thanks for taking the time to share your stories and insights with us today. Was there a moment in your career that meaningfully altered your trajectory? If so, we’d love to hear the backstory.
My name is Deb Rubin and I have been a therapist since 2006. In 2017 while doing yoga at a girls night out I was thinking about my life as an adolescent; feeling alone, judged and misunderstood by my own mom (who was actually an amazing mom and gave me so much room) and I still felt that way. My daughters were young. Not even preteen. And my older daughter, Sage was specifically was just about to enter her 9 year change. I knew she was eventually going to pull away and possibly reject me at some point and start to individuate. In my strongest moments I was like- no problem it’s normal. But when I really thought about it, my tummy would start to hurt and I got scared, sad and groundless. I realized I needed mama circles, insight, wisdom and support. I needed humility and laughter. I also realized that when my girls were babies, their were tons of services like this, but not anymore. At least not that I was aware of.
And I also needed to live what I knew in my heart, that it didn’t have to be awful, the way the movies portrayed mother/daughter relationships. I knew I could learn to adjust my stance in a way to meet her. I knew that I wanted to understand my daughters and help them learn to understand themselves. So I started reading and listening and studying and then I created a curriculum. And it was pretty dam good. I was ready to launch my first Mother Daughter Journey Workshop. Then and I’m not even kidding you, four months after I started marketing, it happened. She started getting aloof, distant, hard to read, naughty and all the things and guess what- I was not prepared for the pain I was feeling deep in my heart. Mothering is heart breaking. I mean Heart. Breaking. Nonetheless, I still launched my program and it was a success and I was very open that I was in the same boat as all my participants. We were in it together.
I believe that motherhood is a communal experience and we must embrace our humility and lean on each other. When we get vulnerable and more open minded, we learn from each other, temper the shame and explore our own intuition. That is the power of motherhood and the power of groups.
Facilitating groups is one of my super powers and also the thing that lights me up the most in my life. So it was in this moment that the Mother Daughter Journey was born and has been growing up with me (and my girls) for the last 8 years. I like my participants to know that, just like you my heart is breaking and bursting at the same time and my intention is to create a well of wisdom and a place to fall apart in order to rebuild daily.
As always, we appreciate you sharing your insights and we’ve got a few more questions for you, but before we get to all of that can you take a minute to introduce yourself and give our readers some of your back background and context?
I have a huge passion for self-discovery and growth, and love nothing more than helping others evolve in their own unique ways. As a therapist of over 20 years, I’m constantly awe-struck by the pure magic that can unfold when people jump into these beautiful life explorations.
Love and deep connection are my lifelines. I bring them into each session I lead, and into every relationship I have. I’m a Licensed Clinical Social Worker and have worked in numerous therapeutic job settings, as well as sexual health education – consciously blending the best of both Eastern and Western theories into my practice.
My experience includes working with both young adults and adults in multiple facets of life, including: relationships, self-esteem, sexuality, life transitions, attachment styles, parenting, anxiety and depression, preparing for motherhood, grief and loss, and trauma work.
I’ve had the awesome opportunity to work with people in a wide variety of settings, including: Colorado Outward Bound School and Women’s Wilderness Institute, Planned Parenthood, U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs Hospital, Colorado University’s Psychological and Psychiatry Department. I eventually landed into my own private therapeutic practice in 2006.
In 2017, I eagerly expanded my practice to include parent coaching and group facilitation through The Mother Daughter Journey (MDJ.) I’m excited to share this new part of my life purpose with you!
I live in Boulder, Colorado with my husband and two daughters.
Putting training and knowledge aside, what else do you think really matters in terms of succeeding in your field?
When I graduated from Graduate School I knew I wanted to be a therapist and have a private practice. I also knew I needed experience, supervision and lots of support. So once I landed a job and CU Boulder in their Psychiatry/Counseling program I was determined to have as many mentors as possible. I believe that learning from others in this field is not only the best way to learn, but also an amazing way to network, feel part of a community in a somewhat isolating career and learn about myself based on how I showed up in all these different kinds of relationships. I definitely believe in paying my dues and getting experience before jumping into starting my own business. And I also think that forming relationships and sharing with my mentors what my goals were, was what allowed me to believe in myself. I wasn’t afraid to put myself out there and I wasn’t afraid to get feedback. In this process I believed I could eventually take the leap. And that is exactly what I did only a few years later.
If you could go back, would you choose the same profession, specialty, etc.?
Absolutely! And the beautiful part of this profession is that it has evolved as I continue to evolve. For example, I started as a teen and college age therapist. I lived in that world for quite some time and absolutely loved it. The age was inspiring. I was also focusing on sexuality, relationships and connection. Then I became a mom and things changed; my schedule, my energy and my approach. At that time I wanted to move towards adults and couples where the theme of sexuality, relationships and connection was still the focus, but my population changed. Then, and this was a bit of a pivot, after the pandemic my focus changed once again to parenting (because I started to see clearer about the challenges young people were facing) but still with an emphasis on connection. I was anticipating the fallout from the pandemic (mixed with the impact technology and concierge parenting was having on young people) and was wanting to empower parents with a new set of skills. I was able to transfer my training and modalities from couples therapy to parent/teen relationships, which surprisingly had many similarities. . So I actually had the opportunity to have a full circle in 20+ years, because now I am supporting parents in raising teens. My ultimate goal with all my versions of therapy is to help people feel empowered and self aware so that they don’t have to rely on a therapist (or anything outside themselves) to feel self compassion, confidently listen to their inner wisdom (intuition) and mindfulness in their lives. I love this profession.
Contact Info:
- Website: https://motherdaughterjourney.co/
- Instagram: themotherdaughterjourney
- Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/deb-rubin-261a72240/
- Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UP8tMW8vuEQ&t=31s
Image Credits
https://www.colbyevansphotography.com/#!/HOME