Alright – so today we’ve got the honor of introducing you to Deborah Lawson. We think you’ll enjoy our conversation, we’ve shared it below.
Alright, Deborah thanks for taking the time to share your stories and insights with us today. We’d love to hear the backstory behind a risk you’ve taken – whether big or small, walk us through what it was like and how it ultimately turned out.
Narrowing my practice to a very small, often unpopular and misunderstood, niche market in a hostile jurisdiction might be the scariest thing I’ve ever done. Even I had to go through a difficult “coming out” process. And because that wasn’t risky enough, I hung a purple velvet rope across the entrance to keep out all but a select few chosen cases.
When I decided to “go solo,” back in 2008, I thought I’d make my mark helping solopreneurs turn their dreams into small businesses, but that was not to be my path. Although clients came to me to discuss the legalities of starting a new entity, the conversation almost invariably turned to needing a divorce first. (Apparently, divorce is a great entrepreneurial motivator.)
I had always sworn that I would never practice family law, but as I watched my profits being referred away to others, I realized it was time to re-evaluate my business plan. I handled my first divorce for $300 and learned a very important lesson…always ask whether anyone is pregnant before arriving at the courthouse. We got through that one, and the next, and a bunch more after that, and I realized that I was where I was meant to be, but this pond was way too big and there were way too many fish.
About that time, marriage equality was sweeping the country. You couldn’t turn on the news without hearing another story about “Texas’ family values.” The only problem was that Texas didn’t seem to have any family values, and the laws relating to marriage were antiquated and cruel. Being part of the solution brought together so many of my previous career ideas that taking the first step into LGBT law was only natural.
In 2015, shortly before Obergefell v. Hodges was handed down, I remember someone asking me how I felt about marriage equality and thinking…more marriages equals more divorces, how do you think I feel? Honestly, though, I believe that everyone wants to change the world – or in my case, the law – but that’s not going to happen within a single lifetime. Instead, I can build a micro-world within my section of the law that allows me to craft custom family plans that safeguard my clients’ unique love stories because a relationship doesn’t have to fit societal norms to deserve to be legally protected.
I get asked a lot “how did a straight woman wind up practicing queer law?” At first, I didn’t really know how to answer that and I gave an answer to get a laugh. My mom was a speech and drama professor, so drama queens have literally been center stage all my life. But it’s more than that. I realize now that, for me, it’s the idea that the family you create means something, and it should be just as valuable as the family into which you were born, and that’s a risk worth taking.
Awesome – so before we get into the rest of our questions, can you briefly introduce yourself to our readers.
Focusing on the queer, poly, & non-monogamous communities, I help people craft custom family plans that safeguard their unique love stories, allowing them to live life on their own terms without getting stuck in a labyrinth of litigation. I offer alternatives to the costly archaic legal and political systems that emphasize fight over flight, equipping clients to live life, in real time, with no apologies and no regrets.
Whether someone is starting a family or ending a relationship or anything in between, my nontraditional and collaborative approach to legal matters allows a person to keep their private life private and their dignity and compassion intact. The reality is that every life leaves a legacy, intended or not. What you need to ask yourself is: “Is this the legacy I want to leave?”
In a career spanning twenty years, I am most thrilled to have been named OutSmart’s Gayest and Greatest Female Attorney six years in a row; to have helped two mom’s gain full custody of their two children against a religious zealot who called everyone involved in the case an LGBTQ extremist terrorist; and to have proved that you can’t dump your rich boyfriend and then claim a common law marriage to seek spousal support, even after Obergefell.
I happily served five terms as President of SLAGH – Stonewall Law Association of Greater Houston, Houston’s LGBT bar association (lawyers, not liquor); and am enjoying a third year as a trustee for EPAH (The Executive and Professional Association of Houston), Houston’s oldest OUT social club.
And I am a proud member of the Fightin’ Texas Aggie Class of 1992, with a Bachelor of Business Administration from Texas A&M University – College Station and a J.D. cum laude from Southern Methodist University’s Dedman School of Law – Class of 2003.
And, yes, deborah really is spelled with all lower-case letters. “I like to tell people that I’m an anti-capitalist!”
What do you think helped you build your reputation within your market?
Seeing and being seen. It’s not enough to just show up, you have to actively participate so that people know they can depend on you. You have to dig in and be a part of the community. It’s important to volunteer for leadership positions and let people know you’re there to help in a variety of capacities, but it’s even more important to show people that you’ll follow through with your commitments. Once people know who you are and trust that you’ll be there when they need you, they’ll want to do business with you, too.
Are there any books, videos, essays or other resources that have significantly impacted your management and entrepreneurial thinking and philosophy?
The often-dismissed genre of romance and erotica. It’s a gateway to living life your way. Too many times, I hear people say: “I don’t like romance novels. They aren’t realistic. No one really does things like that.” Despite these frequent protests, however, the genre is known as a guilty pleasure for a reason. It’s what people want.
There are literally millions of authors out there who have spent billions of hours contemplating every conceivable romantic gesture – large and small – and developed countless options for winning the day. Instead of reinventing the wheel, consider learning from these ideas and expanding your horizons. When you open yourself up to infinite possibilities, you can discover things you didn’t even know were possible, determine what you like (and what you don’t), and then try them IRL.
Think about it for a minute. When was the last time that you stood up when your partner walked towards your table, love written all across your face? Or opened a door and allowed your love to walk through before you? Or brought flowers on a date? Never? Try it. You might be pleasantly surprised. And if your love laughs or calls you silly, worst case, you’ve succeeded in bringing a little bit of joy to their day.
If you’re looking for something less esoteric, Thomas Erikson’s Surrounded by Idiots is a must read. I recommended the audiobook read by David John. I listen to it in the car A LOT! There is nothing more liberating than understanding why we do the things we do and why those other idiots do what they do.
Believe it or not, there are four key behavior types that define how we interact with and perceive the people around us. Understanding someone’s pattern of behavior, especially your own, could be the key to successful communication and stronger relationships. It sounds crazy, but I am amazed, every day, by how accurate it is. I highly recommend checking it out for yourself.
Contact Info:
- Website: https://lawsonlegal.net/
- Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/deborahlawsonlegal
- Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/lawsonlegal
- Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/company/lawsonlegal
Image Credits
NatashaNivanPhotography (rainbow photo only)