We caught up with the brilliant and insightful Deborah Favorite a few weeks ago and have shared our conversation below.
Deborah, looking forward to hearing all of your stories today. What’s been the most meaningful project you’ve worked on?
First off, I want to thank you so much for inviting me to showcase my book, “Memoirs of an American Buddhist in Los Angeles: Synchronicity is No Coincidence.” Completing this work of love has been one of the most monumental and deeply fulfilling accomplishments of my life. So, thank you again for this opportunity!
Without divulging too much of my book, I’ll do my best to reveal a bit of my backstory:
My early life was rife with trauma and drama. When I was 6-years old my mother and two younger sisters were in a horrific car accident, which left my 18-month-old sister brain damaged and blind. My mom’s body was crushed and broken. She was hospitalized for six months and was told she’d never walk again.
During those months, I was shipped from one stranger’s home to another not knowing where my mom and sisters were. All I knew was that I had been abandoned. My father became a raging alcoholic, lashing out at me throughout my childhood, stripping me of dignity and any sense of self-worth. My asthmatic condition heightened, I fell into severe depression, and I was uncontrollably angry at the world.
I graduated high school in 1967, and turned to sex, drugs, and rock ‘n roll to numb my pain. I overdosed before the summer was over. I was married and divorced twice before the age of 21, and over time, that number increased by three, with dozens of other attempts at finding anybody to take responsibility to love me because I certainly wasn’t going to do it. I was always in fight or flight mode.
In 1974, one of my cousins took me to a Buddhist meeting. I thought the chanting was just weird enough to be cool, but then I heard someone share an experience of changing a dilemma into a great victory. The contrast between my darkness and her sparkling-eyed victory was like pouring salt on a big open wound. I couldn’t get out of there fast enough and I bolted.
It wasn’t until a year later, as my hell continued spiraling downward, that I found the courage to go to a second meeting. On August 30, 1975, I reluctantly began my Buddhist practice of chanting Nam-myoho-renge-kyo. The funny thing is that I started it on a bet, hellbent on proving my life would be the exception to their rule that the deepest of sufferings can be transformed into happiness. I was, however, smart enough to know I had to follow the recipe, so I wouldn’t be told the reason it didn’t work was because I wasn’t doing it right.
From the git go, synchronistic episodes began unfolding right before my eyes… staggering things far beyond comprehension. I didn’t want to lose any of the details, so I began journaling these extraordinary events … the likes of which never found their way to me until I began to practice this Buddhism. Even still, the dark side of my force remained ever-present for a long time. Kind of like my asthma … a thick goo that was too painful to cough up. I simply could not muster the courage to take myself on … yet.
Over the years, many people have encouraged me to get these stories in final form and publish them. Oddly, because these occurrences never seem to end, neither has my writing about them. In 2018, an uncanny synchronistic episode placed a deadline in front of me to get it published. Then COVID hit. Like everyone else on the planet, I found myself alone, isolated, pacing the floor, climbing the walls wondering when it was all going to end. I’d been on lockdown for about four days and was going stir crazy. What better circumstance could arise to help me utilize my time and complete my book? And so, I did.
As always, we appreciate you sharing your insights and we’ve got a few more questions for you, but before we get to all of that can you take a minute to introduce yourself and give our readers some of your back background and context?
On Christmas Eve, I’ll be celebrating my 35th annual 39th birthday. You do the math. Although I was born in Santa Monica, when I was four, we moved away from the damp ocean air to a small desert town because of my asthma. I come from a large, multi-national, multi-cultural, multi-racial, multi-religious, and multi-sexual-identity family. I have two stellar adult children (a daughter and a son), and three amazing grandsons, two of whom are autistic. These kids have overcome by leaps and bounds every challenge that dictated they would never succeed.
I have lived in many places and have delved into several careers. All of it, with no exception, has lent remarkable richness to my life.
As an empath, I find myself intensely affected by the sufferings of other people, oftentimes to my own detriment. But I wouldn’t have it any other way. I am elated at the privilege of encouraging others to stand up and overcome their struggles and then watch them win over them. I cry easily … over everything … happiness, joy, passion, sadness. Human diversity draws me in. Injustice strikes a flame of passion which has led me to human and civil rights activism. I watch far too much news as I don’t want to find myself caught off guard.
Music has the power to move mountains or bring me to my knees. I enjoy great reads, interesting films, and live theatre. Entertaining friends and family bring me the greatest pleasures. I think what I enjoy the most about myself is my ability to make people laugh in their darkest moments. Oh, yes, and then there’s swing dancing.
So, that simplistically describes much about how I’ve evolved, who I am always becoming, and what makes me tick. But I must say that adding this Buddhist practice to my daily life has been like taking a vitamin on steroids for anything and everything that ails me. You know, entering uncharted waters as a complete unknown, it’s difficult to really know how a work like this may or may not impact anyone else. On that note, the reviews I have received on Amazon have profoundly touched my heart. I would like to share one review I received from Goodreads that absolutely reinforced my determination to reach as many readers as possible on this planet to instill hope that we can all realize our dreams and goals.
GOODREADS
Sanskrity Jha
September 14, 2023
Memoirs of an American Buddhist in Los Angeles: Synchronicity is No Coincidence” by Deborah Favorite is a refreshing and inspirational journey through the author’s life that resonates with anyone seeking meaning and transformation. With her candid writing style, Favorite draws readers into her 46-year odyssey with Buddhism, demonstrating how she turned life’s challenges into opportunities for growth and happiness.
The book’s title, “Synchronicity is No Coincidence,” sets the tone for a narrative filled with serendipitous moments and profound life lessons. Favorite’s willingness to share her personal experiences and the wisdom gained from her Buddhist practice creates an intimate connection with readers. She doesn’t just tell her story; she invites you to sit at the kitchen table of her life and savor the sweet taste of victory over adversity.
One of the book’s strengths lies in its universal appeal. Regardless of whether you’re familiar with Buddhism or not, Favorite’s journey is relatable. She tackles themes of self-doubt, feeling stuck, and the pursuit of happiness with honesty and vulnerability. Her message is clear: resilience and personal growth are attainable for everyone, and she provides the ingredients to become your own champion.
“Memoirs of an American Buddhist in Los Angeles” is a testament to the power of perseverance and the transformative potential of spiritual practice. Deborah Favorite’s memoir is not just a book; it’s an uplifting and motivating guide for anyone ready to embrace change, find happiness, and, above all, never give up on their dreams.
What do you think is the goal or mission that drives your creative journey?
Yes, indeed. I have built a life of tremendous fortune because of the swamp I’ve muddled around in for eons. Because of my own struggle, I have been afforded an incomparable opportunity to inspire so many others to stand up and fight for their own happiness! The sole purpose of this wonderful international Buddhist organization, SGI, is to share this extraordinary tool, then sit back and watch others realize their own innate power, wisdom, and passion as they revolutionize their lives. There is no greater joy.
There are many inspirational, self-help books on the market … my own library is filled with them. Certainly, many have been impactful in one way or another. But for me, once I finish reading, and the book is returned to its proper place on the shelf, the euphoria dissipates and not much remains to keep me feeling self-empowered.
My story is not unique from other chanting Buddhists. It’s a modern-day story of a modern-day woman. It’s about the joys and sufferings of life with a dash of humor … generally when we need it the most. What is unique is the tool I use every day as I venture out into the world. It activates my own highest potential, as I am. It ignites my life force and elevates my life condition and perspective. Then, every day, I can win over my own fundamental darkness. Interestingly, this chant works whether we believe it or not … kind of like gravity or electricity. Nam-myoho-renge-kyo is the natural law of cause and effect, and it absolutely proves itself time and time again.
My deepest desire is that every reader will walk away with even the tiniest sense of curiosity to test the waters and explore for themselves the phenomenal power of this teaching and practice. It conflicts with nothing, and unimaginable results are guaranteed if the recipe is followed correctly. So, anyone looking for an inspiring, thought-provoking read in search of solutions to life’s challenges will find this book thought provoking and meaningful.
Let’s talk about resilience next – do you have a story you can share with us?
My relationship with my parents was disastrous for decades. My son began acting out towards me from the time he was in the 5th grade. As a young adult, he refused to have contact with me for many years. I wasn’t allowed to know my three grandsons. My family suffered five untimely deaths from medical malpractice to suicide, most of them under the age of 40. Three times, the rug was pulled out from under me financially where I lost homes, income property, my job, and I was bankrupted three times. I ended up in a month-long trial for the elder abuse, medical malpractice, wrongful death of my mother, and have battled my own health problems resulting in multiple hospitalizations with no medical insurance, incurring an ungodly amount of debt, all of which was turned over to collection. And I was indebted to the IRS for thousands of dollars. There were a few times in my darkest of days that my desire was to end it all. No matter where my fight or flight nature has taken me, I have been so fortunate to have had the influence of my mentor, Daisaku Ikeda and fellow Buddhists who stuck to me like glue, encouraging me to stand up just one more time. Nichiren Daishonin, the 13th century Buddhist monk whose writings we study and practice, said that even a cave shrouded in darkness for millions of years can be illuminated by a single candle.
Over the past 48 years, my practice has moved my life in ways that are so difficult to fathom. My traumatic childhood laid the groundwork for my extraordinary journey. I’ve unearthed my voice, my feelings, my fears, and my self-worth, all of which had been beaten down and haunted me nearly all my life. The good news is it brought me to understand the indescribable pain my parents endured after my mom’s accident. I’ve come to know the profundity of compassion. Not only for others, but for my own life as well. Looking back at the darkness that encompassed my life, the depth of appreciation I have for realizing my own power to influence and affect my environment with profound meaning is unsurpassed. I am completely blown away by the transformations in my relationships with my parents and my son, or anyone else for that matter who I’ve been at cross-purposes with over time. I believe this human revolution is the only means by which a peaceful society can manifest … individuals taking on the responsibility of looking in the mirror of the causes they make to perpetuate their own suffering.
I hope I’ve sparked some curiosity from this great audience, and know I am always accessible should anyone have questions or be interested in finding out how to launch their own journey with this magnificent practice ([email protected]). I happily challenge everyone reading this interview to learn the recipe of revolutionizing your life and become the creators of manifesting your own dreams. I am forever discovering that wonderful part of me. We all have it!
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