We were lucky to catch up with David Johnson recently and have shared our conversation below.
David , thanks for joining us, excited to have you contributing your stories and insights. Was there a defining moment in your professional career? A moment that changed the trajectory of your career?
DAVID JOHNSON was born in the Bronx, New York, but he never felt like he fit in or had his own identify. His mother died when he was ten and his older brother died when he was fifteen. This was the point that David realized his purpose in life was to help people find the brighter side in life and to help guide them toward a better relationship with themselves and with others. David received his master’s degree in counseling and then his certification for professional coaching to learn how to connect with people to the best of his ability. After years of experience and trial and error, David now collaborates with clients to ensure that they become their best selves, not only for the people around them, but also for themselves.
Great, appreciate you sharing that with us. Before we ask you to share more of your insights, can you take a moment to introduce yourself and how you got to where you are today to our readers.
To put it plainly, I am a person who has experienced a variety of relationships in my life. I believe it is a 60/40 percentage of bad relationships to good relationships I have witnessed in my almost 30 years on this Earth. The great part is that these experiences have given me a unique perspective on what a healthy relationship feels like, as well as how to be the best person possible in ALL of them. When we think of relationships, we have a tendency to only think in terms of intimate relationships. However, there are many types of relationships in life; including those we acknowledge and fail to appreciate. Relationships with your friends, family, coworkers and how to build relationships with people you meet for the first time. The relationship many do not choose to work on and we do not place value in, is the relationship with ourselves.
When we know what our passions are, it is still scary to act on them. Even for me. I must say hi, I am a relationship coach!!! It’s scary to act on our passions because there are so many unknowns and no guarantees. The only thing we can do is hope we made the right decision.
For this reason, many of us refuse to get out of our comfort zones. We like to be sure of what will happen next. Yet, that is not guaranteed either. However, thinking we have that power helps. We do have the power to speak things into existence (even though it may not be exactly how we would like it). As long as your passion is pure and the ends justify the means, then go for it!
I am a relationship coach that uses the power of self-love to help working women create positive relationships. As a relationship coach, I know people who act like they know what love is, people who feel love is transactional, people who do not know what it is to be loved, people who can not describe how they want to be loved, and people who feel like they do not deserve love. I have worked with people who have hurt others, people who have been hurt by others, people who want to hurt others, and people who are tired of hurting. All of these experiences are unique and the emotions they create are valid, but these emotions may not be the best for you. That is why self love is important.
We’d love to hear a story of resilience from your journey.
I was fearful in many aspects of my life. I was 10 years old when my mom died, and I feared that people would continue to die around me and I could do nothing about it. When my brother died 5 years later, I was afraid that myself, or someone around me, would die in the next five years and there was nothing I could do about it. I almost flunked out of college my freshman year, I was afraid I would never graduate. When I was about to graduate from college I was afraid I would not get into graduate school. When I was about to graduate with my Master’s degree, I was afraid I would not get a meaningful job that would transform to a purposeful career. As of right now, I have a fear that people will not see the value of my relationship coaching business and it would not be fruitful.
Fear is a force that will ALWAYS be around. It was around before you were born and will be here after you die. Fear is a force you will battle with for the rest of your life. You will defeat fear from time to time and it will defeat you many times. It has many faces and goes by many names. Examples include: doubt, uncertainty, that negative voice in your head, projected thoughts that come from other people telling you that you can’t do something, losing a loved one, losing major possessions, losing a job, not having enough money, etc….
One of the most dangerous ways for fear to attack you is to hit you at your most vulnerable spot- your potential, passion, and purpose. Many underestimate fear, but it is as intelligent as you are. It will use your potential and passion to fight your purpose. Fear lies and tells you that “all you have is your potential. Either you meet it or you never will”. After you beat fear on that level, then it will move on to attack your passion. It will say:You are too passionate about your goals or you don’t have enough passion to fulfill your dreams.
Once you reach your purpose, fear will not be that strong and you will beat it ALMOST every time. I say almost because the next level of fear will make you believe you are passionate and people will say you have reached your potential as if that were good enough and there is no need to move any further. Fear beats you without you even knowing it. This way because you never strive for more when you could have. When you reach a certain age, you will look back on life and wonder why you never pursued more. Fear will finally let you know it won. This phrase will pop in your head or something close to it: Fear made me do it.
There is nothing wrong with potential or passion, but by adding purpose you will be unstoppable. Now I know what you are thinking. How do I overcome fear? I say you need fear because it is a great teacher in life. Crazy, right?! Fear is there to push you and to show you where your self-limits are. Here is a better question to ask yourself, how can I use fear to my advantage?
It starts with you. Only you know your fears and the fear you project in your everyday life. Once you open up, let go of your baggage that you have been holding on to and recognize ALL your insecurities. Then, and only then, can you use fear to your advantage. I still battle with fear, but I now have the tools and weapons to defeat it every time. I own my fears before they own me and claim my freedom from insecurities. You have the power to do so too!
What’s a lesson you had to unlearn and what’s the backstory?
Let me be completely honest here. When it came to relationships, both romantic and platonic, my track record was terrible.
This is due to me being a clingy, very passionate, hopeless romantic; thinking, and aiming to please the other person in the relationship. When I reflect, I realize most of the people I no longer talk to or are friends with had nothing to do with me caring too much (among other things).
I was terrible at relationships because I initially thought they were all about pleasing and caring for the other person’s wants and needs. It was not until I failed in both friendships and intimate relationships (many times), that I realized I needed to prioritize my own as well.
Many of us are in relationships for the wrong reasons. They’re either about what they can provide for you or what you provide for them. What I realized is that relationships are about sharing your life with others to make BOTH people happy and grow in a positive direction.
Now I know what you are thinking. “It can’t be like that all the time, right?”. You are correct, but the focus here is that it should be balanced. Imagine driving a car where two people in the car are reaching a destination- the driver and the passenger. Both people CANNOT drive and both people CANNOT navigate at the same time. It is important to create a tradeoff in the relationship.
I admit I WAS terrible at relationships and I am still learning everyday. I currently have great friends and I am in a healthy, loving intimate relationship. Are my relationships perfect? No, but they are better because I learned the value of teamwork.
It is all about self-worth, self-awareness, and self-esteem. Many do not realize that connections and relationships start with you. If you are broken, your relationship cannot be whole. Attachment is also key, but I’ll end here for the moment.
We all have flaws and issues, but that should not prevent you from being happy with other people.
Contact Info:
- Website: https://www.yourcolabcoach.com/
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- Other: My Book: Fresh Eyes Solve Problems Easier: The Self Love Journey https://linktr.ee/Colabcoaching