We caught up with the brilliant and insightful Danielle Selber a few weeks ago and have shared our conversation below.

Hi Danielle, thanks for joining us today. So, one thing many business owners consider is donating a percentage of revenue or profits to an organization or cause. We’d love to hear your thoughts and the story behind how and why you chose the cause or organization you donate to.

As far as I know, I’m the only person that has ever worked as a matchmaker under the umbrella of a non-profit organization! That means donors and grants, not clients or constituents, pay my salary. The typical incentive model gets flipped on its head — I don’t have to focus on selling or catering to just a few high paying clients. Instead, my focus is achieving the mission of the organization: to connect Philadelphia’s young professionals to each other and the Jewish community at large. This community engagement model of matchmaking means more opportunities for connection for more people. I set people up on dates, run events to get people in the right room with the right people, and act as a resource to provide recommendation of other ways to meet someone great.

Awesome – so before we get into the rest of our questions, can you briefly introduce yourself to our readers.

While getting my masters in Jewish Studies at Gratz College, I watched my religious Jewish friends navigate dating with the help of matchmakers and find success. I thought: couldn’t everyone, regardless of level of religious observance, benefit from that kind of help? While even one generation ago finding a life partner was done with the support of family and the community at large, today’s Jewish singles are largely on their own. I began a graduate thesis on modern applications of Jewish matchmaking which grew into my work today as a matchmaker at Tribe 12. Tribe 12 is a nonprofit in Philadelphia’s Jewish community whose mission is to connect young professionals to Jewish life and community. Our goal is to take the best elements of traditional Jewish matchmaking and reinterpret them to fit modern dating. We create positive dating experiences through introductions and events which can lead to healthy, long-term relationships. We also empower singles to be their own matchmaker by referring them to communities, events, programs, and organizations where are more likely to meet appropriate people. It is all about being in the right place at the right time – after all, you only need to meet ONE person! Since 2017, we have served over 800 individuals, hosted over 150 singles events, and created 40 serious relationships, ten of which have turned into marriages (so far!)

What’s a lesson you had to unlearn and what’s the backstory?

I created Tribe 12’s matchmaking initiative as an intrapreneur — a person already working for an existing organization that creates something new under its umbrella. Early on, it was hard for me to think of myself and my work in an entrepreneurial way. After all, I was being paid a salary and did not have to face many of the pain points that sole proprietors face. It took working with a fantastic business coach and fellow matchmaker, Aleeza Ben Shalom, to accept that I wasn’t a non profit employee and I wasn’t an entrepreneur — I was something in between, something brand new! This knowledge empowered me to challenge any notions of how things “should” be and relentlessly question assumptions. Today, I am constantly reassessing my work and testing prototypes like any true entrepreneur. I am also expanding the community engagement pieces in my work to mirror the best practices of other nonprofit organizations. I am building someone no one had ever built before, so why did I have to conform to the rules of either discipline?

How about pivoting – can you share the story of a time you’ve had to pivot?

When the pandemic hit in March 2020, my gut instinct was: shut it all down. My matchmaking work suddenly felt trivial, even taboo. In a world that felt so fragile and precarious, how could I justify talking about dating or running singles events? I learned quickly that for my singles, it was quite the opposite. In this time of uncertainty, more than ever, they wanted opportunities to socialize and to experience authentic human connections. They didn’t want this outside, outsized event to mean putting their search for partnership on hold.

With that in mind, I shifted my matchmaking program entirely to the virtual space. I found quickly that many of the assumptions I had been functioning under, sometimes for years and often vehemently, had been misguided. My strict rule for my discovery conversations had always been that they must take place in person. I just felt like human connection had to happen face to face. Once forced to move my conversations online, I found that by shifting just a few of my methods, I could achieve the same results in an virtual conversation. My geographic region also instantly expanded: suddenly people from Amish country and further counties could get involved, not just those near Center City Philadelphia. I also saw that people needed a lot of support in navigating a new world of virtual dating. In addition to my discovery calls I added “dating guidance” sessions to my calendar so people had a way to receive practical support with online dating or just a listening ear and hosted several live AMA sessions on social media to answer people’s pressing dating questions.

The biggest shift was to online events, which I had never hosted before. I found, to my great surprise and relief, that virtual spaces were ideal for speed dating! Speed dating had always been something my constituents have both begged for and dreaded. They inherently involve a lot of stress for both the organizer and the participants. The virtual environment has relieved a lot of that pressure — I don’t have to book a venue and take on a lot of reputational and financial risk; the participants don’t have to get all dressed up, commute, or worry about awkward encounters they can’t escape from. I’ve come around to the belief that virtual dating events are actually better than in person events, and I’ve continued to host them well after it was necessary to do so.

Early on, a friend at another non-profit said something that stuck with me: “one thing I have learned during this pandemic is we should not adjust by trying to recreate how we did things, but to take advantage of the opportunity to do things differently”. My philosophy has evolved to be risk-celebratory, not risk-adverse — to try things and be comfortable with the fact that not everything will work. The ‘try’ is the most important part.

Contact Info:

• Website: tribe12.org/matchmaking
• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/danielleselber/
• Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/danielleselber/

Image Credits
Photos by Yael Pachino and Chris Kendig