We were lucky to catch up with Danielle Bernock recently and have shared our conversation below.

Hi Danielle , thanks for joining us today. Let’s start with the story of your mission. What should we know?

My story is what turned into my mission. I started my company 4F Media to publish my first book, Emerging With Wings. I shared my story of inner healing to help others. But, the response to my story revealed the extensive issue of emotional trauma in society. I hadn’t expected that. Like most trauma survivors, I blamed myself for my problems and minimized the causes. That kind of response is what feeds the toxicity of trauma and silently kills people. Yes, I did say kills, but please stay with me. Unaddressed trauma is detrimental and leads to various health issues. Some chronic, some severe, and many terminal, like heart disease and cancer.

My mission is to expose the truth about emotional trauma and break the barriers to recovery using every media possible. This silent killer called trauma must be called out and addressed.

There are critical points to understand about trauma. The first was an epiphany I experienced while writing my first book. “Trauma is personal.” Two people can go through the exact same thing and be affected differently.

Next, trauma is not an incident, circumstance, or event. It isn’t war, rape, a plane crash, or abuse. Those are terrible and can cause trauma, but they are not the trauma itself. Trauma isn’t what happens to a person on the outside. Trauma is what happens on the inside of a person. It is a result or consequence of something they experienced.

Which brings me to this: trauma is a wound. It is a wound on the inside of a person. One that takes place without the consent of the one wounded. Another word for that is: involuntary. Trauma is never a person’s fault. Never.

Furthermore, emotional trauma isn’t something you can see with your eyes. That makes it difficult to identify. I make trauma visible so people can heal. Too many people are dying slowly from the inside out. It doesn’t have to be this way.

Through the transformative power of unconditional love, I healed from my childhood trauma. I also broke the cycle of generational trauma within my family. Love has healing power and can restore a person’s sense of value. Previously I felt worthless. My relationship with myself was toxic. Other relationships suffered as well. Through healing the trauma within me I repaired my relationship with myself. This led to repairing other relationships also.

Seeing the truth, addressing the cause through the power of love, and doing the necessary work is what transformed my life. My mission is to help others repair their relationships, starting with themselves. Jesus told us to love one another as we love ourselves, so we need to start with ourselves. My IP protected S.E.L.F.© model is my proven process for success.

As always, we appreciate you sharing your insights and we’ve got a few more questions for you, but before we get to all of that can you take a minute to introduce yourself and give our readers some of your back background and context?

I married young, raised two kids, and didn’t come into my own until I was in my 50’s. That’s when I wrote and published my first book, Emerging With Wings, founded 4F Media, and really started to thrive in life. I learned how to laugh at myself and wrote an entertaining article, “10 Bizarre Things About Me For Fun For My Birthday”.

Since that first book, I’ve become an international, award-winning independent author, speaker, trauma-informed faith-based self-love coach, former podcast host, founder of 4F Media, and creator of the S.E.L.F.© process for life transformation. To date, I have published five books, contributed to three published anthologies, and written for numerous online publications.

At the beginning, 4F Media was strictly the imprint to publish my first book. I wanted the name to represent what mattered to me most: faith, family, friends, and freedom. Over the years, 4F Media has accomplished so much more.

For over a decade, I have sought out every media avenue possible to share my story to help others. At the beginning, I was quite timid. Although the pervasive fear and shame from the trauma were resolved, I still had more growing to do. The first time I was asked to speak about my book, I physically backed up, saying no. Now that makes me laugh. I love public speaking. There is nothing like delivering ah-ha moments to people through my keynotes and S.E.L.F.© workshops. It brings me such joy to turn despair into hope.

In my work, I combine my personal experience with professional expertise. I guide others into the transformation they long for through my books, coaching, online courses, S.E.L.F.© workshops, and speaking engagements. Something about me that’s different from other coaches and speakers is I’m a simplifier. I take the complex ideas that make people’s eyes glaze over and make them understandable. Big words and industry jargon are translated into everyday terminology.

I call myself a relationship repair specialist. We are relational beings in need of healthy connections to thrive. Trauma affects how we relate to others, including ourselves. I’ve helped every one of my clients repair some kind of relationship issue. I’ve repaired and rebuilt relationships in my personal life as well. Every repair begins with the self. How we relate to others comes out of how we treat ourselves. We need to have healthy love for ourselves to have healthy love for others.

Love is our core need as humans and one of the reasons I became “that lady on the internet who loves you.” Working with me, you’ll feel loved, valued, validated, and empowered. Plus, you’ll do some laughing.

We’d love to hear a story of resilience from your journey.

Resilience isn’t something a person has or doesn’t have. It can be present in some areas and not others. What’s important to know is, that no matter how much resilience a person has, or doesn’t have, it can be increased.

There have been many times I was tempted to get discouraged and quit. But instead of quitting I grew in resilience.

In the early days, I received a hostile email from a colleague attacking my character. The emotional pain was visceral. I felt an overwhelming urge to delete my website and cease all activities. Instead of reacting I paused. I prayed and talked with trusted people in my circle. The hurtful words directed at me, although painful, didn’t reflect the truth. I chose not to quit and learned how to repair another relationship.

When learning to invest in myself, I encountered a significant setback. A conference I was scheduled to attend out of state was abruptly canceled and promised to be rescheduled. The problem was all the expenses had been paid for and were non-refundable. The step of confidence I took to invest in myself began to waver. But instead of self-sabotaging, I paused. I prayed and talked with trusted people in my circle. I decided to take the trip independently. It was my first solo travel experience, and it built a deeper confidence within me. This stronger and healthier relationship with myself enabled me to reinvest when the conference was eventually rescheduled.

How about pivoting – can you share the story of a time you’ve had to pivot?

Pivoting is a necessity because life is full of change. What makes pivoting easier is understanding what it means to pivot. It’s not as scary as it might seem. When you pivot, it’s not a drastic drop everything to start over thing. It’s more gracious. And it’s more comfortable. You’re simply making a turn. Simply changing direction. You carry with you what you know, what you can do, and learn more. It’s about embracing the change in a gracious expectant way. It’s applying the new and taking a step in a new direction.

Before I was a published author, my focus was on my family. Raising my children. Loving my husband. And most importantly breaking the chain of generational trauma. Because my focus was so intense on my family, empty nest was hard for me. But once I embraced the change, I pivoted into the new. It’s when I wrote my first book and became a published author.

Another need to pivot came soon after. How people responded to my story gave me a passion to spread the message in my book. To do that I had to learn how to do things I had no idea how to do. I became a voracious learner. Soon I had a website, business email, email service provider, and was making money. I became a real professional writer.

Sometimes a pivot isn’t a career change. Sometimes the pivot is within our careers or business plans. For example, regarding my book Because You Matter. Before publishing it, the vision enlarged. The pivot was to share the stories of other people. I learned how to interview people and included their stories between the chapters.

The skill of interviewing led to another pivot. I hosted the Victorious Souls podcast for 3 seasons. The podcast led to another pivot. I began public speaking and coaching.

Pivoting is like a beautiful dance. We take two steps forward, one step back, three steps to the side then slide back in.

With pivoting you can go in any direction. Passions are discovered as we lean into what we know, what we can do, and continue to learn, and add the power of the pivot. Not everything will work out like you think and that’s ok. Listen to the music in your heart.

Contact Info:

• Website: https://www.daniellebernock.com/
• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/dbernock/
• Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/daniellebernock/
• Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/daniellebernock/
• Twitter: https://x.com/DBernock
• Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/c/DanielleBernockLovesYou
• Other: https://www.tiktok.com/@dbernock
  info@daniellebernock.com
  https://open.spotify.com/show/19a37sPqTfuQskKPxRZl4C
  https://voyagemichigan.com/interview/life-work-with-danielle-bernock-of-charter-township-of-shelby/

Image Credits

Danielle Bernock