We caught up with the brilliant and insightful D. Shanelle Israel a few weeks ago and have shared our conversation below.

D. Shanelle, looking forward to hearing all of your stories today. Alright, so you had your idea and then what happened? Can you walk us through the story of how you went from just an idea to executing on the idea

I am a woman who wear many “hats”. There are so many skills that I have possessed over the years, and I would always feel bad about not being able to stick to one thing. In this society, you are encouraged to study a field, go to school, work your field most of your life and retire. As a creative it’s not as simple. I was often mistaken for someone who didn’t have a clear vision because there was so many things I enjoyed and wanted to do. So, I did them. I was able to learn many skills and master various areas that sets my services aside from many others, because I refused to be put into a box. My interests led me to developing many skills, my skills led me to my passions, and my passions led me to my purpose. I enjoy working with children and I love to teach the things that I enjoy. My interests never changed, though the branding may have, but business for me, just evolved. Its less about what I want and more about the impact I hope to make.

When I became interested in training to become an etiquette consultant, my husband felt that it wasn’t necessary. Not because he didn’t think I could do it, but he didn’t feel that I needed another woman or third party teaching me what it meant to be a woman. To be an elegant, graceful, and classy woman. He felt that I had already possessed these sophisticated qualities — which meant everything to me. I completely understood his plight.

I prayed and asked God if this is something He wanted from me and if so, to give me the vision for it. I was able to put together a PowerPoint presentation in 6 hours, that I planned to showcase for my husband to change his mind. He was so impressed and intrigued by my reasonings for needing to do this, that he finally agreed to me attending a course for my certificate. In that moment, I knew that this was something I was meant to do.

I was a mentor for 10 years, doing this work but never realized there was a title for it. Etiquette Consultant. I was guiding girls and women in self-development for years before realizing that this is exactly what I was meant to do. I wanted to gain my certificate to prove my dedication and learn any extra tips on how to organize my lessons. I learned just that. I am so thankful that I get the opportunity to pour these skills into my business, for my community. Self-development is a journey that should never end, and I am able to help in various areas because of all of the skills I obtained over the years.

I am naturally a Self-starter and executer. It has made me better in entrepreneurship. I am grateful to learn new things every day to take it to the next level.

Awesome – so before we get into the rest of our questions, can you briefly introduce yourself to our readers.

My name is D, Shanelle Israel and I am an Etiquette Consultant and founder of Be True School of Virtue and Etiquette. I am a wife, Mother of 3, woman of faith, educator, mentor, seamstress, and model. My family and I reside in NC. My hope and dream is to positively impact my community through education and refinement.

Be True School of Virtue & Etiquette is an educational institute that teaches manners and life skills to girls ages 3-17 and refinement in women by inspiring them to become the absolute best versions of themselves.

​We assist women along their personal journeys to becoming cooperative, feminine, refined women, and members of society. Our students gain knowledge in the areas of social etiquette, professional etiquette, dining etiquette, traditional femininity, and the art of Virtuousness.

​Our mission is to edify, encourage, and equip girls and women with the knowledge and practicalities needed to mindfully lead virtuous lives. Bridging the gap between traditional & modern social standards of appropriateness, the information gained through our courses will help cultivate healthier relationships and “soft” confidence needed in any setting.

Teaching etiquette is deeper than which fork to use. It’s about perception of self.

We subconsciously relate refinement to being non-black and relating everything loud and obnoxious to being “real”. We have taken on the views of our oppressors by accepting these negative narratives as who we are. That is simply NOT TRUE.

Most consultants you come across, especially those who look like me, they’re painting the idea that in order to be a feminine and refined woman, you must live in luxury, marry a wealthy man and maintain a certain status but I am the complete opposite. My family live a very humble life; I’m a minimalist at heart, I value servicing others, I believe in the power of the black family structure, traditional roles and I encourage women to take a more modest approach in appearance and in spirit. While many believe materialism is how you “glow up”, I encourage one to build confidence through skills and adding value to the lives around them.

That is what Be True School is all about.

Learning and unlearning are both critical parts of growth – can you share a story of a time when you had to unlearn a lesson?

There are so many things I had to unlearn in a matter of a 10-year span. I was raised in an era of “independent women”. Women who I’ve seen do amazing things and it inspired me in many ways but in a lot of ways it served as a disadvantage. The independent black woman ideology is the foundation of broken homes. Many mothers had to step up and fill in the role of both parents in many black households, but I started to see a pattern. It was glorified. It expected.

I was a young single mother. I always wanted to be a wife and raise my children in a complete home. Because those images weren’t readily available, I didn’t learn to have higher standards for myself or how to obtain it. I was put down for dreaming of being a wife and mother. I would be asked “why do you want to be married so bad?” No one asks why the babies keep coming and why there is no father at the baby shower. It was expected. If you’re a young couple looking to marry, people will do everything they can to talk you out of it. We don’t prioritize marriage. We learn to fear the bind of marriage and a man leading us. Most women I knew denied proposals because of the fear that is implanted through the brokenness of scarred women and the lack of respect for the black man.

I had to learn a lot about my history and the natural order of the family that God has put in place. The standard was set from the beginning. Life became more structured and peaceful by following Gods order and not our own. It’s difficult when you don’t have those examples because you don’t know what it takes to maintain this structure. In a relationship, if you get tired of a person you just leave and that was acceptable. I learned to fight but not like that. I didn’t want that. I wanted a better example for myself and my future children.

What I learned is that it’s not about how you start but how you finish. When you know better you must do better. When my mindset changed, everything else followed. I wanted to use everything that I learned and pour it into the next woman especially if it can help her.

In this process, I learned how toxic we can be. When we see others do things differently and live a life that better serve them it makes people uncomfortable because everyone desires control. When you stop living according to what people expect for you, you finally begin to live. This has led me to living a life unapologetically and in freedom. God has been using me ever since. I was the first of a few things in my family and it’s hard to be the first. No one is setting the example. You receive a lot of kick back, but I would rather people be disappointed in me than God.

Through my example, I am able to show girls and women that you can have passions, goals and dreams but the foundation of your life sets the tone for everything else. I cannot be a teacher, mentor or model for anyone if my home, marriage, children and life is out of order. We have to hold our leaders to a higher standard. We must hold ourselves to a higher standard and lead by example. In whatever magnitude of leadership that may be.

How about pivoting – can you share the story of a time you’ve had to pivot?

A very pivotal point in my life is when I was giving birth to my son in 2014. I experienced the scariest and life-threatening child birthing experience. I went in for a routine C-section and died. The old me was gone. 7 days in the hospital, 3 blood fusions and a home nurse later, I am humbled by the hand of God. I knew that he had a bigger plan for my life and I was determined to dedicate the rest of it to Him.

I am grateful every single day to be present with my kids and grow old with my husband. To live a life that is pleasing to the Father, to the best of my ability. I have no regrets. My life has been filled with peace ever since.

If there’s one thing that will change your mind about the way you’ve been living, it’s a near death situation.
It opened my eyes. From then on God has been showing me his power.

My son was diagnosed with autism – Nonverbal and I always speak life over him. I sometimes think of the effects of the birth, but I am immediately reassured of the plan God has for him as well. I love being a mother. I absolutely LOVE being a mother. I just do my best to focus on the reputation I leave behind for them and my influence on their world. My blessings come from God.

Contact Info:

• Website: www.betrueetiquette.com
• Instagram: @betrue_etiquette
• Facebook: @betrue.etiqutte
• Youtube: @BeTrueEtiquette

Image Credits
In Photo: Be True School’s Mother Daughter Evening Tea Party Shanelle, Jordyn, Amyri and Sarai