We recently connected with Crystal Bettenhausen-Bubulka and have shared our conversation below.
Alright, Crystal thanks for taking the time to share your stories and insights with us today. What’s the kindest thing anyone has ever done for you?
A few decades ago, give or take a year or two, my spouse and I were stationed in Sasebo, Japan. It was our first duty station overseas. Our daughter was four, and I worked part-time teaching English conversation at a Japanese junior college while also giving private English lessons.
One of my students, Mrs. Beppu, became a significant figure in my life during that time. She was incredibly influential and supportive as I pursued my undergraduate degree in gerontology. We met weekly for lessons, but more often than not, it felt like she was the one teaching me.
She would take me to lunch, where we enjoyed elaborate bento boxes, or treat me to coffee at beautiful coffee and tea shops. She introduced me to pottery studios, cultural activities, and delicious foods I’d never experienced before. In many ways, she adopted our family.
When our daughter had an emergency appendectomy and my spouse had to deploy with the ship he was stationed on, Mrs. Beppu came to the hospital every day with Starbucks and something for me to eat. Her kindness was infectious and deeply comforting during that difficult time.
She celebrated my graduation and gifted me a beautiful kaleidoscope necklace before we left Japan. That necklace, along with her kindness, was such a profound gift. Looking back, it almost feels like a fairytale—escaping overseas and immersing myself in a culture that was so welcoming and supportive.
Being so far from home and without family nearby was not as challenging as it could have been, thanks to people like Mrs. Beppu, who adopted our family as her own. Her kindness and compassion will never be forgotten. The kaleidoscope has since become a symbol of my practice and my work with those who are grieving.
Awesome – so before we get into the rest of our questions, can you briefly introduce yourself to our readers.
For those who may not know me, here’s a little about my journey.
I started my professional path in gerontology. As a certified nurse’s assistant in high school and with the influence of my amazing grandparents, I developed a love for working with older adults. After my spouse and I moved to San Diego for our first duty station as a couple, I worked for a home care company. There, I met a mentor—a clinical social worker and geriatric care manager—whose career inspired me to explore gerontology further.
Soon, our family was packing up to move to Japan. Thankfully, online learning had just introduced a gerontology program, which allowed me to continue my studies overseas. During my time in Japan, I spent much of my academic focus studying the elderly population. I even toured nursing facilities with a retired Japanese Navy captain, who joked that we were shopping for his future home. By the time we left Japan, I had nearly completed my degree, only missing an internship—something that was incredibly challenging to do while living abroad.
Fortunately, the U.S. Navy brought us to Monterey, California, where I was able to intern for the Northern California Alzheimer’s Association. This incredible experience solidified my desire to work with older adults and inspired me to apply to graduate school. I found the Leonard Davis School of Gerontology at the University of Southern California, and I knew I wanted to attend in person.
My spouse volunteered for a global support assignment in Afghanistan, and my daughter and I moved to Los Angeles, where I had the chance to immerse myself in USC’s on-campus program. It was a dream come true to study alongside empathetic, compassionate peers and professors. During my time there, I fell in love with the hospice model after visiting Skirball Hospice. However, I quickly realized that I needed a social work degree to pursue direct practice. Soon, I was walking across campus to meet with the School of Social Work to plan how to earn two degrees simultaneously.
After my spouse returned, our family expanded, and we found ourselves moving again—this time to San Diego. Thankfully, I was able to complete my Master of Social Work at USC’s San Diego Academic Center while juggling breastfeeding and coursework. I interned with Silverado Hospice and even produced a documentary on veteran end-of-life care as part of a film class. After graduation, I landed a job at Silverado Hospice, which was another dream come true.
Just as I started earning my clinical hours, we moved again—this time to Bahrain, a small country in the Middle East. Adjusting to life as a family of five, I struggled with grief and felt my career ambitions had been left behind. However, I connected with other career-minded military spouses and landed a volunteer role at a nonprofit supporting women experiencing domestic abuse and sexual assault. This organization operated the only crisis helpline in the Middle East for women in need, and I served as a case manager. The experience was life-changing. I worked with women from 22 different countries and gained a deeper understanding of privilege, vulnerability, and resilience.
While in Bahrain, I also built relationships with local businesses, including a carpet shop where I spent time learning about Middle Eastern culture, customs, and history. These exchanges gave me invaluable cultural competence that I continue to integrate into my work.
Our family’s next move was to Oahu, where I resumed hospice work until the global pandemic hit. In 2020, my spouse was stationed in Newport, Rhode Island, and we only saw him for 35 days that year. With three children to crisis-school at home, I realized that a full-time job was no longer feasible. I pivoted and set my sights on opening a private practice.
Four years later, Through The Kaleidoscope Lens Therapy & Consulting is thriving. I focus on grief, loneliness, caregiving, and end-of-life care. During a brainstorming session with colleagues—and after many “what if” conversations with my spouse—we decided to launch a nonprofit: Strength in Service. Our 501(c)(3) organization supports military families by fostering social connection, providing mental health services, and empowering future social workers.
Today, I’m also pursuing my Doctorate in Social Work with a focus on eradicating social isolation and loneliness. Social health has become my soul’s work. I continue to see clients in California, North Dakota, and Hawaii via telehealth while supervising social workers and integrating conversations about social health into every corner of my work.
Helping my clients move from hyperconnection on social media to finding real-life belonging, embracing antifragility, and overcoming grief has been deeply rewarding. Despite the challenges of frequent relocations and the sacrifices of military life, my journey has come together in ways I never imagined.
Has your business ever had a near-death moment? Would you mind sharing the story?
A near-death experience for my business happened just over a year ago during a historic flood. We had over four inches of rain in just three hours, and it felt like chaos everywhere. That day, I was volunteering at our middle daughter’s school when the rain started pouring down. The flooding quickly became severe, and students from the first floor had to evacuate to the second floor, including our youngest daughter.
Our middle daughter was overwhelmed by the chaotic atmosphere, and with her anxiety heightened from some challenging school situations, I decided to take her home early. The drive home was terrifying—the water was rising fast, reaching the doorframe of my car, and the streets were barely navigable. I debated going to my office but worried about the underground parking flooding, so we went straight home.
The next morning, I worked from home to give us all a breather after such an intense day. That’s when I got the call from the property manager: my third-floor office had flooded. A drain on the patio had clogged, and all the water came rushing into my office, soaking the entire space.
It was a deeply challenging time for me. As a working mother and military spouse, I felt like the universe was sending me a sign to stop. Between addressing the damage with the building owners, ensuring the space was safe, and supporting my shaken kids, I felt completely overwhelmed. That week, I seriously considered closing my business.
The flooding was traumatic—not just for me but for my entire family. Our kids were deeply affected by the experience, and I had to balance their needs while figuring out how to move forward with my practice. It was a rough start to 2024. Since the pandemic, I’ve joked about how unpredictable January can be, but it’s no joke when you’ve experienced repeated challenges. I had to dig deep to focus on my family and make space for my own healing.
Looking back, that event taught me how important my work is to me and the value of self-care. It forced me to prioritize what truly mattered and to practice what I teach my clients. As a therapist, I can’t show up for others if I’m consumed by anxiety or my own struggles. I had to tune out the noise and focus on what I needed to heal and rebuild.
What I thought would be the end of my business turned out to be a rebirth. It gave me clarity about my goals and where I needed to direct my energy. I emerged from that experience with a renewed sense of purpose and resilience, and it deepened my understanding of how to show up for my clients and myself.
Can you tell us the story behind how you met your business partner?
While he isn’t officially a co-founder, my spouse should absolutely be recognized as one—because without him, I wouldn’t have been able to build either of my businesses. He’s the finance guy, also known as the billing department. Numbers have always been a challenge for me, and while I manage the therapeutic work and the overall design and management of both the practice and the nonprofit, I heavily rely on him for the financial side.
We’ve been married for 20 years, and he still hasn’t fallen in love with the way I tell the story of how we met—but I love sharing it, because meeting him was truly a chance encounter.
We met in Jacksonville, Florida. He was finishing his undergraduate program, and I was working at an insurance company while moonlighting for a speed-dating company as their marketing director. One of my responsibilities was to recruit new singles for the events. Occasionally, I’d have to fill in as a participant if the numbers weren’t even—and that’s exactly what happened the night we met.
If you’re not familiar with speed dating, the goal is to have an even number of participants from similar age groups. That night, it was a 21-to-30 age group for men interested in women and vice versa. We were one woman short, and our director didn’t want any paying participant to miss their 7 minutes of conversation, so I stepped in. As a staff member, I got to participate for free, but the same rules applied: both parties had to mutually indicate interest before contact information would be shared.
I have to admit, I wasn’t connecting with anyone that night—until a tall guy sat down in front of me. I noticed his fancy socks right away, and we started talking about skydiving. He asked me if I’d ever jump out of a perfectly good airplane, and I told him I’d been planning to go skydiving that summer in New Jersey. I even had the phone number for a local skydiving company saved in my phone!
When the evening ended, I tried to catch him to keep the conversation going, but he was already gone. Thankfully, we had both circled each other on our forms, and a few days later, we went on our first date—rock climbing. We had a great time together, and I never would’ve imagined then that we’d end up working together years later.
He’s been away for much of our marriage due to his active-duty Navy career, so now we’re taking full advantage of this time together. Our weekends are filled with our daughters’ and catching up on invoices and bookkeeping. Working with him has been an unexpected pleasure.
As he looks toward retirement in the ever-so-distant future, I hope to convince him to work with me even more. We’ve discovered some incredible strengths together, and I look forward to seeing what we can continue to build as a team.
Contact Info:
- Website: https://www.strengthinservice.org/ and https://throughthelenstherapy.com/
- Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/strengthinserviceorg and https://www.instagram.com/throughthelenstherapy
- Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/bettenhausenbubulkalcsw/
Image Credits
Alisha Mowery Photography
https://www.alishamowryphotography.com/