We caught up with the brilliant and insightful Coach D Williams a few weeks ago and have shared our conversation below.
Coach D , thanks for joining us, excited to have you contributing your stories and insights. What did your parents do right and how has that impacted you in your life and career?
This may sound crazy, but the biggest thing that my parents did right that has impacted my life and career the most was that they died. Through their deaths, I was able to learn about life. I was 22 years old, and both my parents were dead. When my father passed, I was 19 years old, and 22 when my mother died. At that time, I had to survive naturally, but I also had to learn life on my own while applying the lessons they left behind and the lessons that they could not teach.
My career as an advocate, practitioner, teacher, speaker, and coach is largely inspired by them dying. All my mental tension and toughness had finally failed me and as a result, I had to shift my thinking and the default “tough” emotional responses I had developed. My mother is the reason I breathe and encourage others to “just breathe”. Her death was a catalyst to define what life was going to mean for me.
On a brisk NYC afternoon in 2014, I was working at Kennedy High School in the Bronx. I lived in Brooklyn and was traveling in Harlem, and I collapsed in the middle of the street. I had a full-on anxiety panic attack that seem to just come out of nowhere. Later, I learned my attack was a culmination of my default “mental toughness” which became a detriment to my mental health and overall well-being. During this attack, people were passing me by in the street. I was scared and I didn’t have any tools to get me out of this situation all the strategies I employed only further exacerbated what I was experiencing.
I am on the street, unable to breathe, unable to move, feeling completely debilitated and thankfully I hear my mother’s voice in a faint whisper, “Nique, baby just breathe.” It was ironic that “Just breathe” was her line for everything. My mother was obese for the last 20 years and was a chronic asthmatic with bronchitis and COPD from being a long-time cigarette smoker. She intuitively understood the power to breathe partly because she could not freely do so. She understood breathing gave peace and allowed you to think, get present, and make the best decision. As she would say, “Breathing allowed you to step correct.”
When I reminisce about that fateful day in 2014, my mother’s words, or the genius that my father was, I recognize that my desire to change the game comes from the fact that I couldn’t help them then but because of them, I can support others now. Their deaths taught me that although mental toughness is necessary, it is not a remedy for my mental health. I created 533 Meditation to support me in not dismissing my anxiety or emotions around the death of my parents. The lessons I had to unlearn included dismissing my emotions, and not crying because others will see me as weak. I understood that my parents although they were mentally strong, they were also emotionally weak, and that mental toughness is not what is always needed when navigating challenging emotions. I watched my parents often dismiss their feelings and eventually fall out of love with themselves. I’ve seen them be depressed, and anxious, their regressing self-images, waning health, and shorten life span because they didn’t have the tools to cry or be soft or vulnerable until they had no choice. I see this in many athletes and coaches today who lack the tools to navigate all the emotions that a hueman being can experience.
After that day “Just Breathe” became my mantra, an affirmation, and a remedy for many of my emotions. I noticed I was passing these conditions on to my athletes, and my sense of toughness was out of balance and unhealthy. 533 and Just Breathe have become the basis of my brand. My business Get Fit Fly Right is a resource and TAP (TheAthleteProject) is the Mental Hygiene System I teach to coaches, athletes and performers. I was able to use these lessons of mindfulness, emotional intelligence, and hygiene to support others on the basketball court as they too felt as though they could not be safe in their emotions.
Great, appreciate you sharing that with us. Before we ask you to share more of your insights, can you take a moment to introduce yourself and how you got to where you are today to our readers?
Coach D is a Brooklyn, NYC native whose mission is to change the way mental health is approached in sports. As a speaker, coach, and thought leader. She founded Get Fit Fly Right and created (TAP)TheAthleteProject to support other coaches like herself to be better equipped to support athletes mentally and emotionally. Providing coaches with tools to support athletes with their mental health and hygiene through coach training, professional development, and program implementation.
“Through coaching basketball, I grow. Yoga, meditation, and breath development are the foundations of my overall coaching philosophy. My mission is to destigmatize mental health in sports by changing the approach and providing tools that support overall team mental wellness.” – Coach D Williams
“Mental toughness is not mental health”, is her way of challenging the way coaches are conditioned to approach emotions – with toughness. I assert that we approach it with intelligence and awareness so that sports can effectively be a space where emotional intelligence is developed beyond performance, from toughness to vulnerability, empathy, and compassion expressed with intelligence and confidence.
GFFR LLC. has several mental health and wellness initiatives that are geared toward coach training and visibility. The Mental Health Awareness Training for coaches’ petition, MHFA Classes taught by Coach D, and GFFR online training courses are all part of a strategic plan to destigmatize mental health. GFFR LLC. also partners with sports-based youth organizations to increase their awareness, safety, and systems for overall wellness, social-emotional learning, and mental hygiene systems while ensuring meeting all requirements for health partitioners.
We provide schools, athletic programs, and sports resource organizations with comprehensive and effective solutions for mental health intervention, mental wellness, and fitness programming to equip leaders with systems to effectively navigate emotional distress, stress management, and mental illness.
GFFR offers 3 services to increase mental health awareness, program development, and normalization within schools and sports programs
Coach and staff professional development
Wellness services (Fitness and Mindfulness)
Program implementation and consultation.
To learn more about GFFR join that movement at, www.getfitflyright.com
GFFR is also on all social media platforms @getfitflyright (YouTube, Facebook, LinkedIn, Instagram, Google business, TikTok, and Twitter).
Have you ever had to pivot?
In 2020 I made a decision that would change my life forever. I decided to no longer coach varsity basketball at Columbia Prep High School. I became resentful and disconnected from my dreams. I always dreamed of being an NBA League Coach and the first female to be a head coach in basketball’s biggest league. Becky Hammon being named an assistant for the San Antonio Spurs and the first female coach in the league still didn’t deter me. Instead, it was the monotony of the game itself. I honestly just became bored with the everyday mundane practices, team trips, conversations, and energies of a high school basketball season. It was nothing like I had imagined. After 5 years as an assistant CP, I could predict each game, practice, or the next “thing” that was going to be a team discussion. I was on a wheel and felt so disjointed from the game, the players, and the ways I wanted to affect the game.
I thought about what I wanted when I started at CP. Previously, I had been a head basketball coach in the AAU (amateur athletic union) for 7 years with two boys’ teams, 17 & 14 under. I began coaching in 2007 and had always believed that I was a great coach, yet in 2014 I knew I needed to learn how to build a program if I was ever going to make it to the NBA. In 2015, I stopped coaching AAU and started filling out applications to be an assistant coach in a high school. I must have applied to 30 schools and only 1 seemed seriously interested. I remember being in that interview feeling like my time here wouldn’t be long, but I was determined if I got the job to do two things, stay for one graduating class (4 seasons) and be able to follow as strongly as I was able to lead. My goal was to grow as a person and be the coach I dreamt of, determined not to quit if or when I didn’t like something or someone.
By Year 4 I was over it, for lack of a better way to express what I felt. The routine of it all was disinteresting and it drove me away from basketball, but I was determined to stay. After my fourth season, I decided to stay but in year 5 I knew I could no longer continue because I began feeling like I’d rather be somewhere else. So, I announced my leaving to the team, it was hard, but I have no regrets. Luckily for me, it was the right decision because the pandemic happened one month after my final game with the team.
In retrospect, I left at the right time but at that time I had to come up with a plan quickly. I began to explore radio and podcasting just before the pandemic and quarantine was the perfect time to fine-tune my new skills. I got certified in Yoga and took life coaching classes. I didn’t know what to do with such seemingly random skills but my desire to be a legend in the game never changed and as a result, I took those skills, yoga, life coaching, and speech to the basketball court. I began to see how athletes were just as disconnected from their dreams as I was while at CP. I found where my voice belonged, and it was still on the basketball court. Except now instead of only talking X’s and O’s I speak about wellness, hygiene, and awareness.
What’s a lesson you had to unlearn and what’s the backstory?
I learned at a very early age the quote “Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me” and this taught me that I could not get fooled at all. This ideology in my mind transformed into a justification for an “all-or-nothing” mindset. When it came to people it influenced my skepticism and mistrust of others. As a child, I heard the saying in a movie and remember it was something my mother would say when I didn’t set clear boundaries with others. As I got older, I grew hard, critical, sometimes cold, and unable to see people beyond their mistakes. The first time I thought to correct this type of thinking was when an athlete said to me that I needed to yell at them to get them to listen. My intention in how I usually communicated was to assert dominance and command respect. What it did was instill a condition that I was only serious when I sounded angry and aggressive. I thought to myself, “why would they need me to yell at them?” I was frustrated and began to recall all the moments when I could have approached situations differently. I recognized the root of my approach was the belief that I had to be that way, or I would not be respected, seen, or treated fairly. I intended to project strength and that I belonged in the seat I was in as a head coach of boys’ basketball teams. My impact was that my players were taught to only respond to me when I was aggressive, and demonstrative which for me was when emotionally I was also guarded, mistrusting, and overcompensating. After that talk with him, I committed to being more open, curious, and okay with mistakes; my own and that of others. I wanted my players to feel safe and I wanted to be able to express myself in different ways. That change in engineering started with me identifying my intentions and the impact of my actions.
Contact Info:
- Website: https://www.getfitflyright.com/
- Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/getfitflyright/
- Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/domo.williams.336
- Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/coachdgetfitflyright/
- Twitter: https://twitter.com/getfitflyright1
- Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCEhS4GGkOlaSIYNeLkNH0eg
- Other: Linktree: https://linktr.ee/getfitflyrightTAP Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/theathleteproject._/ LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/company/gffrllc/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/GetFitFlyRight
Image Credits
Rahim Fortune (@rahimfortune) – Black & White Photo Shot by SBD (Survivor by Design Media, @shotbysbd) King Curated Productions (@kingcurated) – Portrait Meditation Shot Gawddess Visuals (@gawddessvisuals) – Group Yoga Shot Finest Magazine (do not have contact) – Group Meditation Shot