We caught up with the brilliant and insightful Christine Prete a few weeks ago and have shared our conversation below.

Christine, looking forward to hearing all of your stories today. What’s the best advice you ever gave to a client? How did they benefit / what was the result? (Please note this response is for education/entertainment purposes only and shouldn’t be construed as advice for the reader)

I remember when I told a client that the way she were feeling was okay. It wasn’t her being broken or beyond repair. It was the situation she was in and that she wasn’t crazy for feeling the way she did. She looked me straight in the eye like I had just opened curtains and the sun shined in. For a moment there were no words and then she asked if I really thought she might be okay someday. I said “You already are okay. Your body and mind are taking a break to deal with this junk. The self you know is still in there healing.”

That simple exchange changed her trajectory and she became willing and able to put in the work, be kinder to herself and worry less about the future. She client came back years later and reminded me of that conversation and how it changed the desperation she felt into hope. Powerful moments for us both.

Christine, love having you share your insights with us. Before we ask you more questions, maybe you can take a moment to introduce yourself to our readers who might have missed our earlier conversations?

I’ve always been curious about why certain members of my early family acted the way they did – only later could I identify it as addiction and abuse from a huge lack of coping skills. Years of working through my own trauma helped me but a lack of self-work from those family members made me realize that for sick relationships to have a chance of healing, work has to be done on both sides.

That propelled me into studying everything I could about addictive relationships and the systemic nature of them. Along with finding it fascinating and validating, it showed me that there were positive outcomes from structuring the healing process. Meaning, the work has to be done individually before the couple works together. Without that, one person may be changing, but the other ends up putting a lot of expectation and focus on their partner rather than themselves. For instance, the addict looks to the partner for approval and the partner looks to the addict for security.

I knew that my focus should be on the hidden community. The sex addicts. The one group that can deceive and live their troubled life for decades all the while appearing to be a great spouse and upstanding member of society. What I found was people who felt stuck in their process (usually until they were “found out”) or those that had lost everything, jobs, money family, who were hopeless. The shame is always a big issue,

My method of assisting in recovery for the sex/porn addict is direct, full of tools and no B.S. There are strict requirements to be in my program and that is not common. I work hard for their recovery and I expect my clients to do the same. It has provided many of my addicted clients with long-term sobriety and success. I also focus on skills to learn how to openly communicate with your partner after years of lies and deceit.

Traumatized partners are guided through their own recovery focusing on self-empowerment. Once the safety is gone in a relationship it may or may not come back, Creating forward movement whether within or outside of the relationship is the goal. Empathetic support is important, but without empowerment, partners can feel “stuck”. I provide tools, a safe environment and an understanding that your spouse’s addiction is NOT YOUR FAULT in any way, shape or form.

Unfortunately, this is not as common of a message in the community as I would hope. I hear how some women are being told things like, “If you were a better wife… or If you had more (or less) sex… or if you would understand that his needs aren’t being met, then he wouldn’t have the urge to stray.” All of that is garbage. Plain and simple. Stop making excuses for someone’s bad behavior. Let them step up and take responsibility or not. Stop victim blaming.

I’m proud of the message I run my business by: Let’s get real and empower our companions to stop listening to toxic enabling crap and start making better life decisions.

Let’s talk about resilience next – do you have a story you can share with us?

I had a client once that was trying to leave her narcissistic husband who was also a sex addict. As a typical narcissist, he had no plans to recover as he didn’t think anything was wrong. He blamed her and deflected any responsibility for issues in the relationship. He worked overtime trying to eradicate any forward movement she had and on two occasions, contacted me with threats unless I not only stopped working with her but told her what a lucky woman she was to have him!

Later, he went to his church pastor and told him I was doing the devil’s work trying to break up marriages. The pastor called to give me a “friendly warning” that I should take a step back and stop destroying relationships that are experiencing bumps in the road.

I eventually met with that pastor to explain what it was that I did, how it worked and the goal. My stomach was in my throat the whole time, but I was convicted. I wasn’t going to let the narcissistic bully win this one and the truth was important, whether it was believed or not.

A couple of years down the road, the wife told me that me standing up for her and not giving in to the pressure gave her courage to set boundaries and advocate for herself. She was in her words, “more whole than I’ve ever been in my life now.”

How’d you build such a strong reputation within your market?

The market I work in is a tough one to advertise for. Personally, I would love to rent a few billboards and watch the ensuing chaos, but that’s not reasonable.

My reputation has been a major catalyst in the continuation of my business. With the sex addict community, I am known as tough, brutally honest, knowledgeable and respectful. I’ve been told that my method is different and it’s what is needed when so many other recovery processed have failed. I don’t believe that shame is a motivator, so building self-confidence is a primary focus.

In the trauma recovery sector, I am known for empathy, transparency, honesty and resilience. I understand deep trauma and know that it takes a long time to move through. I don’t rush or push when I see that my client needs more space and time. I do give gentle nudges when appropriate.

I’m available to my clients. I provide resources beyond myself, and I have a group of vetted professionals that I refer to when needed. It’s never been about the money for me. It’s about the ability to give back, confidently and with purpose. When someone feels the truth behind that statement, they want to share it with others. It creates a beautiful cycle.

Contact Info:

• Website: https://www.thehealingchange.com