We’re excited to introduce you to the always interesting and insightful Christine Cocchiola. We hope you’ll enjoy our conversation with Christine below.
Hi Christine, thanks for joining us today. If you had a defining moment that you feel really changed the trajectory of your career, we’d love to hear the story and details.
I began my work as a social justice advocate at the age of 19, becoming a certified domestic abuse sexual assault counselor for the local umbrella agency in Waterbury (Connecticut). Someone I cared deeply for had been a child victim of sexual assault. I could not imagine how she forgave him. And more importantly, I wanted to stop perpetrators from harming our most vulnerable, children.
At 20, Safe Haven asked me to speak on the steps of City Hall in honor of the “white ribbon campaign”, advocating for protections against child pornography. It was 1988, well before the internet opened the floodgates for sexual perpetrators to have access to children. It was a proud moment for me. The local newspaper, other advocates, and my boyfriend in the audience on that cold November day. The boyfriend would later become my partner. I couldn’t tell. Was he proud of me? I recall feeling like he seemed a little uncomfortable about the topic, child sexual abuse, child pornography. He wasn’t enthusiastic about the event. He was enthusiastic about having time with me after the event.
I went on to finish my bachelor’s degree in teaching. My boyfriend devasted when I decided to lvie on campus for one year and devastated when I was chosen to be a student reprefsenative for the Connecticut Education Association and sent to New Orleans for a week. I thought it was love. His unending need for me to stay on the lobby [pay] phone with him with my needing to continually say how much I love dhim and missed him. The other two student representatives I was with were frustrated with me and made innuendos that he was obsessed. The red flags were there all along. I just didn’t know any better to see them as just that.
After completing my degree, I found that employment prospects were low in my content area, social sciences. I landed some long-term substitute positions in this large urban area where I had grown up, and although I loved what I was doing – it didn’t feel like I was doing enough. I literally wanted to go home with these children. Seeing them arrive at my classroom, hungry (this was before school breakfast programs were implemented) and without a winter coat, tattered clothes and old shoes, fueled my desire to create a change for them. That is why, when a dear friend pointed me in the direction of The Department of Children and Families (DCF), CT’s child welfare agency, I jumped on the opportunity. DCF was under a “consent decree” due to a lawsuit regarding negligne. This consent decree required lower caseloads, therefore more hires. It had been determined that children in the system were not being protected. What I did not know then that I know now, is the irony in this. The very agencies intended to protect children from harm, sometimes complicit in this harm by allowing abusers access to their children. It is hard to believe that child welfare agencies often support co-parenting with abusers when we know that domestic abuse and child abuse are not siloed issues.
But I was young and naive and was grateful for this opportunity! I was none the wiser to the complicit systems harming our children. I was able to put into practice my desire to “go home with the children.” I had lofty goals of making a difference in their lives. It was also often a heartbreaking position to be in, witnessing the experiences of children living in poverty and/or abusive or neglectful family situations. I stayed in the position for almost 5 years.
Some of my work included the DCF Careline, the 1800 hotline number people call when they suspect abuse or neglect. I look back now and recall how some of these “hotline” calls were reports from separating or divorcing partners. Those of us on the hotline became familiar with the “false” accusers: the separating ex alleging abuse or neglect of a child in the care of the other parent. We could see the pattern, same caller, same accusations, DCF responds, case closed, repeat and do it all over again. There were also the same phone calls from mothers pleading for the Department to take their reports seriously. In my early 20’s, recently married and “happy” in my personal life, I had no idea what was actually going on for these victims on the other side of that call. I did not look beyond the violent incident model of domestic abuse. No one looked beyond the violent incident model. The term Coercive Control was not being used, and certainly not a word used to describe domestic abuse. Non-existent in our vernacular was the post separation abuse that occurs in 90% of coercive control cases (Sharps-Jeffs, et al., 2017). This includes the weaponization of children as proxies of the domestic abuse. I had no idea that this abuse would become a part of my story.
Great, appreciate you sharing that with us. Before we ask you to share more of your insights, can you take a moment to introduce yourself and how you got to where you are today to our readers.
Dr. Christine Marie Cocchiola, DSW, LCSW, a college professor teaching social work for the last 20 years, has been a social justice advocate since the age of 19, volunteering for a local domestic violence/sexual assault agency. She is a Founding Member of the International Coercive Control Conference & a Board Member of the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, actively supporting codifying coercive control, via written policy briefs. Dr. Cocchiola understands the impact that coercive control has on children through her own clinical expertise as a trauma trained therapist, a researcher, and a protective mother.
She has created programming to educate protective parents, including The Protective Parenting Program, which offers support for parents who have children who have been coercively controlled. Additionally, she offers training for attorneys, court professionals and other allies seeking to support these vulnerable populations.
Dr. Cocchiola, a college professor, has been a social justice advocate since the age of 19. Her expertise is in the areas of coercive control and the traumatic experiences of adult & child victims, presenting on these topics both nationally and internationally.
We’d love to hear a story of resilience from your journey.
When I finally left my abusive ex – I left with the items in the trunk of my car. Saddled with my children’s college tuition payments and student loans – I have created a new business that reaches internationally to educate that we must look beyond the violent incident model. Coercive control is the foundation of all abuse – leaving women and children more at risk behind their front door than in a dark alley.
If you could go back in time, do you think you would have chosen a different profession or specialty?
This was my chosen career – an educator and a social justice advocate. I just didn’t realize that the content of much of my teaching was actually what I was experiencing. Even the most astute of us can miss the signs.
Contact Info:
- Website: www.coercivecontrolconsulting.com
- Instagram: dr.cocchiola_coercivecontrol
- Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/dr.cocchiola.coercivecontrol
- Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/dr-christine-marie-cocchiola-443a58204/
- Twitter: @coercivecontrol
- Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@DrCocchiola