We caught up with the brilliant and insightful Chelsea Green a few weeks ago and have shared our conversation below.
Chelsea, appreciate you joining us today. It’s always helpful to hear about times when someone’s had to take a risk – how did they think through the decision, why did they take the risk, and what ended up happening. We’d love to hear about a risk you’ve taken.
Like many, I have spent much of my life abiding by the rules of perfectionism, which says it is safest to live, work, and relate to self and others within the narrow range of what dominant culture deems desirable. Perfectionism, as an ideology, told me how to belong; how to stay ‘safe’ in an unpredictable and uncontrollable world. One of my mentors Kerri Kelly writes in her new book, American Detox, “The real function of perfectionism is to maintain control and power. It dictates what we get to avoid, what we get to feel, what we get to believe. It allows us to comply and uphold the limiting stories and lies that we tell ourselves about ourselves.” And that is precisely what I found in perfectionism as a practice. It provided a rulebook of sorts, a survival guide in my turbulent social and emotional upbringing. For me to not play by the rules of dominant culture and belonging would be the greatest risk I could take.
As a Licensed Therapist who works with couples and families, I often explore the concept of attachment – or how we find belonging to others, specifically our caregivers in early childhood and throughout adolescence. The ways in which we learned to belong with our caregivers set the stage for our lifelong patterns of attaching and relating to our loved ones. I see attachment as a natural, biological, and evolutionary function of being social mammals as we humans need close and reliable relationships to other humans just to survive. However, when attachment to caregivers takes the form of obedience and allegiance to a predetermined “right way”, and does not make room for our individual differences or unique developmental needs, then children are forced to choose between attachment to their family or authenticity to themselves.
Growing up in a small town with a single and chronically stressed mother, I experienced this tug-of-war between self and other. It’s only been in recent years that I’ve even become aware of the extent to which I was expected to abandon myself in order to conform and belong. Perfectionism, and the pressure I felt to ‘fit in’ set me on a painful path to chronic fatigue, addictive behaviors, debilitating anxiety, and disordered eating as a young adult.
According to social worker and researcher, Brené Brown, “Perfectionism is a self-destructive and addictive belief system that fuels this primary thought: If I look perfect, live perfectly, and do everything perfectly, I can avoid or minimize the painful feelings of shame, judgment, and blame.”
Today, I call myself a recovering perfectionist because there is no end in sight to reclaiming my wholeness, which was muddied and hidden for so long by the ideas culture imposed upon myself, my family, and my peers. I can definitively say the biggest risk of my life so far has been to step out of the confines of my small southern American town and its small ideas; to risk my attachment relationships, friendships, and mainstream career opportunities in order to find and honor my authentic path.
I became a mindfulness meditation teacher, raising eyebrows in my small Christian hometown, before pursuing my advanced degree in counseling, where I was later drawn to alternative therapy modalities, such as Family Constellations.
I made the decision to leave the mental health agency at the onset of the Covid-19 pandemic, and I took the risk of becoming a business owner by opening my private therapy practice in Charleston, South Carolina.
Within my practice, I have continued to take the risk of not being understood and not belonging with my peers by offering therapy modalities not found anywhere else in the southeastern United States. And, yet, I continue to have a full and thriving practice.
As I continue to step more fully into my authenticity as a therapist, I am also finding more flow and alignment in my work as an artist and activist. Being vocal about my worldview and my unique approach to mental health has opened doors for me to work with change agents and social justice icons like Ruby Sales, and the groundbreaking organization, CTZNWELL, which focuses on dismantling oppressive systems and democratizing wellness. By following my authentic desires wherever they may lead, I am finding joy and belonging in the circles of people and organizations that align with my values.
It has been my greatest joy to take these risks and I wouldn’t have it any other way.
As always, we appreciate you sharing your insights and we’ve got a few more questions for you, but before we get to all of that can you take a minute to introduce yourself and give our readers some of your back background and context?
For more than a decade I’ve practiced mindfulness meditation, nondual spirituality, and experiential healing to support my own journey.
I am a Licensed Professional Counselor, LPC, with a Bachelors of Science in Biology & Psychology and a Masters in Couples & Family Counseling. My educational background and experience as a meditation teacher helps me to support clients from an integrative & systemic perspective, applying the healing practices of mindfulness, and body-based experiential therapy to the broader systems in which clients live. I currently see individuals, couples, and families for therapy, while also teaching meditation classes and workshops on mindfulness, stress management, and healthy relationships.
I am most proud of my collaborative work with clients, allowing them to guide their sessions while I offer creative perspective, new insights, and tools like mindfulness, Family Constellations, and self-regulation skills to bring movement back into parts of the system that have felt stuck.
What’s been the most effective strategy for growing your clientele?
I once had a therapist mentor tell me as I was beginning to launch my private practice: “Just focus on the quality of your work with your clients, and everything else will fall into place.”
With that advice top of mind, I have continued to orient to my clients, their needs, and the quality of work I provide in each hour. I can honestly say that in doing so, I find my clients are more than willing to share their positive experiences with their social circles, so much so that I have not had to pay to advertise my business in over a year! Between word of mouth and building strong relationships with other like-minded community members, my business has found a self-sustaining flow of clients.
Other than training/knowledge, what do you think is most helpful for succeeding in your field?
In the world of mental health, what I’ve come to observe and believe is that more important than any certification or training, is how a provider takes care of themselves and their own capacity for presence and mental clarity is of the utmost importance. Personally, I know of many practitioners in this field who have attended more trainings and continuing education than I have, but who appear to lack the unbiased, objective foresight and insight necessary to hold space for clients in the manner this work demands.
When we as practitioners are not walking the talk by communicating clearly, maintaining healthy boundaries, honoring and respecting our needs, and cleansing our own energy, our clients will experience the effects of it. By not taking care of ourselves, we are not able to meet our clients where they need to be met, and we are more likely to actually cause our clients harm. Self-care in this field is often talked about, but rarely are practitioners educated or supported in consistently doing the work needed to maintain our own mental wellness. I encourage all practitioners to make themselves and their health a priority, and for clients to inquire about their therapists’/psychiatrists’ mental health hygiene just as they might ask about educational or professional credentials.
Contact Info:
- Website: https://www.anubeginningtherapy.com
- Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/chelseagreencreates/
- Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/chelseagreencreates
- Other: https://linktr.ee/chelseagreencreates
Image Credits
Brian D Smith Photography @briandsmithphotography