We caught up with the brilliant and insightful Chelsea Cherry a few weeks ago and have shared our conversation below.

Alright, Chelsea thanks for taking the time to share your stories and insights with us today. We’d love to hear the backstory behind a risk you’ve taken – whether big or small, walk us through what it was like and how it ultimately turned out.

I wouldn’t be where I am today if I didn’t take the huge risk of escaping my abusive relationship almost 11 years ago. It was absolutely the hardest and scariest thing I have ever done. It all started when when I found out I was pregnant with my then-boyfriend’s child. I was only 18 when she was born and shortly after, the relationship started to become quite abusive. By the time I turned 21 I found myself living in a complete nightmare. What I didn’t realize at the time, was that I was in a relationship with a narcissist. For years I was verbally and mentally abused. I was depressed and felt like I had no one to turn to. He turned me against my own family and friends and caused me to seclude myself from everyone who cared about me. He made me feel like he was the only one who loved me and that I would not be able to survive on my own without him. Over the years he started to drink pretty heavily, which made the abuse even worse. He would come home late at night and start arguments with me. He purposely would try to keep my daughter and I up at all hours of the night. It was so bad that my daughter’s teacher called me one day to let me know that they weren’t able to wake her up from naptime, so they just let her sleep the rest of the school day instead. One night things became physical and that was pretty much my last straw. I knew I needed to get out. But how? I had no job, no car, no money, and no childcare. So I secretly made a plan. I applied for a job as a waitress at a sports bar and was hired on the spot. I would lie about how much money I was making so that I could secretly save up. After 5 months of waitressing I had enough saved to be able to secure an apartment. During that time I had been in contact with my brother and I talked to him about my plan to leave. I told him that the only thing left I needed was reliable transportation. A couple of weeks later my brother surprised me by purchasing a Honda Civic and driving it up to me. After getting the keys to my own apartment, I was ready to implement the final step of my plan. On February 15th, 2013 I woke up very early in the morning and called the police station. I let them know I needed a police officer present so that I could safely move out of the house without any problems. My mom and aunt were also coming with a truck. I had secretly been packing things into suitcases for weeks prior and hiding them in a closet in the basement. The morning was not without drama and a lot of verbal abuse but I safely made it out of there with my daughter. Sitting alone in an unfurnished apartment was such a surreal feeling. For the first time in years I could breath and huge weight had been lifted off of my shoulders. From that moment on I was constantly harassed and threatened. I struggled financially and emotionally for a long time but I kept pushing through it. I continued to work hard and I eventually applied to the dental hygiene program at my local community college. Eventually all of my struggles paid off and I even found new love. Without taking the risk to leave the domestic violence situation, I would not have been able to finish school or become a dental hygienist. I wouldn’t have known what a healthy relationship felt like. I honestly think that if I didn’t leave I would not be alive today. Following through on this risk quite literally saved my life.

Chelsea, love having you share your insights with us. Before we ask you more questions, maybe you can take a moment to introduce yourself to our readers who might have missed our earlier conversations?

Hello, my name is Chelsea. First and foremost, I am a mom to a beautiful 15 year old daughter, a 2 year old son, 2 German shepherds, and a cat. “Mom” is my proudest title, but professionally I am a Registered Dental Hygienist. If I’m being honest, I actually didn’t always want to be in the dental field. Originally, I wanted to be in the beauty industry because I’ve always had a passion for makeup. However, I was entering college I decided to go against my passion and choose a field that was less risky. I had already gone through a lot with my ex so choosing hygiene was more of a strategic move. I remember getting my teeth cleaned one day and the hygienist really sold me on dental hygiene as a career choice. I took all of the prerequisites and applied for the program. Once I started seeing real patients at school, I fell in love with the hands on clinical aspect of this field. In a way, it was similar to beauty because I was improving my patient’s smiles and making them feel more confident. After working in general dentistry for 3 years, I switched to a pediatric office and I fell in love! I learned that I love to help people. I love to educate parents and children about oral health. I love making a difference! Switching over to pediatrics was a big challenge because you’re dealing with kids and kids are very unpredictable. My particular office specializes in seeing kids with special needs so even though it’s more challenging, its also super rewarding. I’m very proud of how far I’ve come in the last 10 years, but most of all I’m proud that my daughter has grown up watching me persevere through challenge after challenge. I know I’ve instilled the right qualities in her because I see how determined she is when she talks about her own goals that she wants to achieve. One day, I would love to start a couple of passion projects. One with my best friend Becca who’s been the one person that never left my side even when my ex made it unbearable to be friends with me. We have have dreams of opening a beauty salon. It’s still just an idea for now but I have faith that we will put it into motion in the next 5 years. The next passion project is to write a memoir of my life and the struggles I have faced with DV and how it still effects my life today.

We often hear about learning lessons – but just as important is unlearning lessons. Have you ever had to unlearn a lesson?

One lesson I’ve had to learn is saying I’m sorry for every little accident you r mistake I make even when it’s not my fault. It was something I learned being in an abusive relationship. I was constantly apologizing for everything because I was terrified to make mistakes. I was terrified of being wrong or stepping on toes. I didn’t even realize I had this habit until I got into a healthy relationship with my husband Andrew. I remember he was constantly telling me to stop apologizing anytime I felt I was inconveniencing him in the slightest. It took a long time to stop apologizing for who I was and to start being more assertive and confident. I still find myself doing it when I’m at work or around people I’m not as comfortable with. It’s an after effect that I think a lot of people who’ve been in abusive situations don’t really talk about. I’m still a work in progress on this one.

Other than training/knowledge, what do you think is most helpful for succeeding in your field?

I think the thing that is most helpful for succeeding in my field is having patience! Especially if you plan on specializing in pediatrics. Kids are are unpredictable and you have to learn to change your strategies based on how well the child cooperates. For example, I’d I have a child in my chair who is nervous and uncooperative I don’t want to traumatize them even more. I’m cases like this, I implement certain behavior management techniques to help calm the child down and let them see that what I’m doing isn’t really that scary. In my office there are 6-7 techniques and I decide which technique to use based on the child’s level of cooperation and anxiety. My favorite one that I use for almost all of my patients is called “Tell-Show-Do”. This is where I tell the child what I’m going to do and talk to them about each instrument that I’ll be using (polishing hand piece, scaler, air/water syringe, suction, mirror, explorer, etc). Then I’ll show them each instrument and let them touch it or hold it themselves to see that they’re not scary and to learn how they work. Finally, I demonstrate it on one tooth to show them how it feels. This is a good way to desensitize a patient to each instrument so they become less afraid. I also try to make it fun by doing silly things with the instruments like squirting water across the room. Sometimes the child is still not cooperative so I think patience is a must needed quality one must have if deciding to go into pediatrics.

Contact Info:

• Instagram: @chelseavcherry
• Facebook: Www.Facebook.com/chelseacherry
• Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/chelsea-cherry-basdh-rdh-308286a8

Image Credits
Meghan Westby Mercedes Greene