We recently connected with Carla Carlisle and have shared our conversation below.

Alright, Carla thanks for taking the time to share your stories and insights with us today. Was there a defining moment in your professional career? A moment that changed the trajectory of your career?

The defining moment in my professional career occurred when I became the legal parent of my former foster, now adoptive son. It took eight years for my prayers to be answered. Here’s what happened…After infertility, infidelity and divorce, I became a foster parent. The first and only child that came into my life was JC, a 10-day old, two-month premature baby boy. For six months, we lived together as mother and son with all the bonding one experiences in the early life of a child. The exception was that we had weekly visits with the birth parents. I got to know them well and learned so much about intergenerational trauma and its impact on families.

At six months old, the presiding judge gave custody of the child to his birth mother, although she lost her parental rights and custody of her other 10 children over the years. At that moment, I was compelled to allow my foster license to expire, and I stayed connected to the birth mother because I was concerned about his safety. This relationship lasted for six years until a few events changed everything…the birth mother struck me in the face during a disagreement, my “son” started showing signs of extensive trauma including major changes in his behavior. JC went from being a kind and compassionate kindergartener to a child who hit, cursed, and tried to harm himself. These were responses to trauma! At age six, I gained emergency custody of my son and eventually adopted him two years later. By the time I got custody, I was drained physically, mentally, emotionally and financially. Yet I had everything I had prayed for – my son and I to be together and free of threats or danger. How often do people work so hard to reach a goal and end up on “E” once they get it?

My eyes were opened to the impacts of trauma on a child’s development, then I experienced trauma myself, and I had that “aha” moment in which I knew I had to do something about it. While I continued to work at a Fortune 100 Financial Services firm, I wrote three books and began to give talks nationally and internationally about the importance of being trauma informed, mental health, and caring for ourselves as caregivers.

Carla, love having you share your insights with us. Before we ask you more questions, maybe you can take a moment to introduce yourself to our readers who might have missed our earlier conversations?

The traumatic experiences I had over the years changed who I am at the core of my being. I wouldn’t wish my journey on anyone else, but I wouldn’t change it for the world because I definitively know from lived experience how much of a positive impact we can have on ourselves and those we love and care for. There is always hope.

I began writing the raw and uncut story of my path to parenthood in a book entitled “Journey to the Son”. I saw the need to reach people who, like me, are unaware of this crisis impacting our children and generations to come. It takes just one loving advocate to change the trajectory of a child’s life. We can be difference makers to children and to ourselves.

I became a TEDx speaker (Becoming Trauma Informed Changed My Life). While my first book shared our story, I knew there was more I could do to help others.

I stood up my organization called The Compassionate Companion (TM) to be able to get the message that trauma and mental health conditions don’t have to define us or our children in a negative way. In fact, many children with traumatic backgrounds are amazingly talented, creative and artistic! We are getting this message out to the masses and providing hope as well as evidence-based tools and techniques to make real progress.

My son (now 12) and I wrote “My Big Notebook” together. It is a multiple award-winning workbook that helps elementary and middle school age children learn how to express their feelings in a constructive way, it includes coloring and journaling pages, affirmations, and resources for the parent and child. The book is being used in schools, grief centers for kids, therapy, foster care organizations, and children across the country. More can be done to help.

Most recently, I wrote “The Compassionate Companion: Supportive Guidance for Fostering & Adoptive Caregivers” to help adults prepare for caring for a child who has experienced trauma. I took all of my lessons learned as well as input from foster and adoptive parents as well as adults who were former foster children or adopted. Caring for oneself as a caregiver is essential to one’s own stability and ability to care for others.

I give workshops (such as Care for Caregivers and Becoming Trauma Informed) and keynote speeches virtually and in person for organizations nationally and internationally.

I want people to know that your test can become your testimony. I am proud that my son is not ashamed of his history, and he is doing amazingly well. I am not ashamed of my decade long journey to my son – it has allowed me to serve others in such a meaningful way. You don’t have to feel isolated or alone in your struggles; caregiving and parenting are HARD, but not impossible if the tools that are right for you and your family are in place.

“To whom much is given, much is expected…”

If you could go back in time, do you think you would have chosen a different profession or specialty?

If I had to go back and do it all over again, I would absolutely do so! Becoming trauma informed and learning how to support someone with a mental health condition has catapulted me into running a business I previously knew nothing about. Years ago, I was a part of a leadership program that focused on servant leadership. While I applied what I learned to my day-to-day work in financial services, I began to thrive and live in my purpose when I was became a servant leader to individuals and organizations that understand mental health is health. Whether speaking on a panel at the 2022 DisabilityIN conference or giving 1:1 coaching to a caregiver of a child with special needs, I see and feel change and hope in the eyes of those I serve. I have the unique opportunity to serve others and feed my spirit at the same time.

Have you ever had to pivot?

The pandemic changed life for most of us. My pivot occurred when it became clear that the pandemic wasn’t going away in a few months. I went full steam ahead on getting My Big Notebook out to children from different walks of life. I established a fundraiser which enabled corporations, nonprofits, and individuals to purchase books for donation to schools, hospitals, and other places that serve children in need.

My second major pivot was to start saying no. It’s easy to write, but not so easy to say. Sometimes things in our personal lives occur that impact our business. My son is doing well but had a really hard time adjusting to 7th grade. I had to prioritize my work so I focused more on what I could do to contribute without feeling overwhelmed as I garnered resources to support my child. Along with asking for help where I needed it (business and personally), I started saying no to so many events, calls, and podcasts, Or I pushed them out to a time that worked better for me. I knew I did not have the mental capacity to manage my business, family life, and speaking engagements as well. And that is okay!!! I started spacing out my talks in a way that was manageable to me. Over time, things have settled down, but I am more intentional about my time and my own health.

Contact Info:

• Website: https://carlaacarlisle.com
• Instagram: https://instagram.com/carlaacarlisle
• Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/CarlaACarlisle/
• Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/carlaacarlisle
• Twitter: http://twitter.com/carlaacarlisle
• Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC4IS08N7aGmTb5B_wKBOyOw
• Other: IG: @mybignotebookforkids