Alright – so today we’ve got the honor of introducing you to Buni Eisdorfer. We think you’ll enjoy our conversation, we’ve shared it below.
Buni, thanks for taking the time to share your stories with us today We’d love to hear the backstory behind a risk you’ve taken – whether big or small, walk us through what it was like and how it ultimately turned out.
Imagine having a particular career painted in your mind. This career epitomized not only the rest of your professional life, but directed value towards your self worth.
Now imagine this career will never come to be. No matter how hard you try. No matter how badly you want it. No matter how much it hurts when you’re denied.
My failure to matriculate into veterinary school not only shaped my resiliency and determinated spirit, but it allowed me to accept and understand that my value – my self-worth, transcends the title of Doctor of Veterinary Medicine.
In 2022, after my 5th denial letter from NCSU’s vet college, I decidedly pivoted from vet medicine. It was an awakening I had to realize in my own time and within myself. Though it does not discount the devastation I endured year after year, I am ultimately thankful for those continued setbacks and hardships. The arduous climb truly does build character and shape one’s values, as I have learned that the only failure would be giving up on myself. This career decision revitalized my attitude towards my professional prospects moving forward, but also offered a nudge towards helping heal old wounds.
Within one week of my final denial letter from vet school, I was busy writing the website for Moxi.
Great, appreciate you sharing that with us. Before we ask you to share more of your insights, can you take a moment to introduce yourself and how you got to where you are today to our readers.
The Moxi Collaboration is a 501(c)(3) accredited nonprofit designed to support survivors of sexual assault. Our mission is to provide empowerment, restore dignity, and help aid in relief efforts toward this population.
Having endured my own sexual assault experience, one that nearly took away my will to live, I wanted to give others the inspiration to give life another day.
We donate tangible goods (i.e., clothing, toiletries, towels, blankets…etc.) to local shelters in the Raleigh-Durham area. Our long-term goal is to work toward assembling relief kits, provided in various sizes, and consistent in their quantity and quality of items. I have always felt strongly about how our senses play into coping mechanisms, and whether it’s the smell of lavendar soap, or feeling secured, wrapped in soft fabrics, I understand how the finer details really makes the largest impact in providing comfort.
Aside from the tangible items, I want Moxi to be an emblem of resiliency and a marker of ones that not only survive past their trauma, but thrive. I have always lived by the mantra, “everything happens for a reason,” and I am proud to say that my 2016 experience did not hinder me, but actually catapulted my confidence and ability to help others. Because I found the ability to give life another day, to keep persevering through terrible pain, and to endure the onslaught of the never-ending maze of post-traumatic stress, I hope I can inspire at least one other person to give life another day as well. It’s so true that our value goes so much deeper than our trauma. Though I understand how our bad experiences sometimes seem to carry a heavier emphasis – as if it’s bold, italicized, and underlined. Therefore, I do not want to undermine the engulfing fatigue of navigating sexual trauma, but rather highlight the fact that there is an ultimate fortitude, grit, and “Moxi” serving those who choose to survive and thrive.
What happened to us was not our choice – but how we move on and continue our lives always will be.
What’s a lesson you had to unlearn and what’s the backstory?
I had to unlearn my sexual assault was NOT my fault.
Though this may seem obvious to some readers, it’s not necessarily an obvious feature in the victim’s eyes.
The immediate aftermath is filled with shame, sadness, and denial. I have ran out of the offices of those I initially sought counsel, as I didn’t feel like I deserved to be there. Thoughts like, “why don’t you leave and make room for people with actual problems” or other feelings of self-loathing and intense fear physically paralyzed my ability to convey what I needed. It’s not always a cut-and-dry situation of assault followed by filing charges and finding the appropriate care.
Who do you immediately tell? What if those trusted individuals don’t have a helpful comment or reaction? What if they blame you?
I experienced all of this. I was shamed by friends when I didn’t press charges.
I was shamed by family members by letting this person into my home.
All those comments and behaviors from trusted loved ones fueled an already lit fire expelling energy telling me, this was my fault. That I didn’t pay attention to “time and place” and I should have done x, y, and z differently.
Let me tell you one thing – an individual that has undergone sexual trauma will forever be altered in their self-perception and feelings of security. Their vulnerability threshold will be diminished and feelings of being disposable to the world around them will take over. The most helpful thing is offering your hand of comfort and security – essentially, compensating for those lost perceptions of self-worth and value. Fill those voids. Tell that person they are loved. Tell them their life is worth living. Tell them they are absolutely perfect no matter what their circumstances are.
It’s difficult to articulate the pain of enduring this type of abuse, and it’s compounded by external factors and internal dialogues of it being “your fault.”
Once I began my healing journey, I learned how to trust my instincts again and realize what happened to me was absolutely wrong, sickening and twisted, but it was not my fault.
How’d you build such a strong reputation within your market?
Social media and capturing spotlight opportunities like these allow for me to spread Moxi’s mission. It fosters my ability to bring this message to the public and allow for people to understand that I stand for all those affected. I place value in the ability to provide comfort and inspiration to others.
Furthermore, utilizing platforms like Bonfire for t-shirt fundraisers has enabled us to purchase items to donate and also increased visibility of our platform.
Contact Info:
- Website: https://www.moxicollaboration.org
- Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/moxicollaboration/
- Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/moxicollaboration
- Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/catharina-eisdorfer-collmann-683a27184/
- Twitter: https://twitter.com/moxicollab
