We’re excited to introduce you to the always interesting and insightful Bryan Gower. We hope you’ll enjoy our conversation with Bryan below.

Bryan, looking forward to hearing all of your stories today. Was there a defining moment in your professional career? A moment that changed the trajectory of your career?

Before I was a therapist, I was a teenager playing drums in a punk band. I played really fast. It was a thrill for me. Naturally, this part of my life was a period of rebellion. The chaos of it all was exciting. It made me feel alive. However, living this way wasn’t always great. There were problems, and I had to find a way to bring order back into my life. I would later learn that I needed much more than that.

The people that surround you can have a huge impact. Friends in my world were made up of punks (not posers) and skaters (of skateboards). My junior year of high school was the first time I learned about the concept of dropping out. It sounded wondrous to not have to go to school and just stay home and play video games. I knew my mom would be furious with me if I just stopped going to school. I didn’t entertain the idea any further. That changed after my friends started dropping out.

Hearing friends speak about how cool it was to not have to go to school anymore left me longing for the same. I didn’t hate school, but it sounded like such a relief to just stay home and do whatever I wanted. One day, I told my mom that I wasn’t feeling well and that I needed to stay home. Then one day turned into two days, and eventually it became two weeks.

My mom would get increasingly infuriated with me each day I stayed home. She knew I was lying to her. One morning, my mom came into my room and her rage just all came out. After voicing all of her frustrations with me, saying everything she felt compelled to say, she told me, “Do whatever you want.” There was something different about this very last thing she said to me before walking out of my room. It didn’t sound like it was out of anger. I heard her sincerely grant me permission to make a choice.

I stood there in my room thinking about the choice that laid before me. Mostly, I focused on the fact that I had a choice at all. School was something I was always made to do. It was an expectation to just go and pass all of my classes. I never considered it to be an option. My mom’s statement gave me the sense of freedom that I was hoping to achieve by dropping out.

I was standing there pondering for no longer than two minutes before I realized I actually wanted to go to school. There were things I liked about school. I wanted to finish high school, and I felt confident about this. Staying home to do whatever was more rebellion than I actually wanted. I ended up finishing high school, but my personal battle between order and rebellion didn’t stop.

This theme continued on, and the next stop was college. During my third semester, I started to not take things very seriously. I really thought I would be interested in video game design, but I found coding very boring and frustrating. I wasn’t getting the best grades and, knowing I had a choice, I put college on hold.

Afterwards, I worked as a security guard for several months. I was trying to take things easy for a while, but I found myself ultimately unhappy. Feeling doubtful and defeated, I often wondered if I would ever finish college or have a fulfilling job. It was starting to seem like I was just getting in my own way. I feared that if this kept up, I would just end up living a meaningless life. Feeling stuck and wanting desperately to break free, I went to the nearest Marine Corps recruiting office and signed a contract to enlist for six years.

For my first three years in the Marine Corps, I was very motivated. Then the rebel in me came back. I chose to join, but I later felt controlled by a contract stating that I had to remain for six years. On top of my military obligation, I was also committed to other things like completing the community college equivalent of a fire academy. Training to be a firefighter while I was also in the military was overwhelming, like I was constantly in survival mode.

There were many times in the Marine Corps that I did not enjoy, and I voiced my disapproval with fellow leaders about the way they treated other Marines. When my time was up, I left and joined what some would call the branch opposite of the Marine Corps, the Air Force.

I wanted something more relaxed, and the first year in the Air Force was much easier on me. I felt a sense of relief. Around this time, I also stopped working as an EMT and an ambulance driver. I made some easy money singing and playing guitar on the streets of downtown Phoenix, Tempe, and Scottsdale. I had a lot of fun, and I was glad to have some sort of break. Then I started graduate school, and everything changed.

Rebellion during these times came in the form of starting arguments with professors and internship supervisors about how things should be practiced more fairly or ethically. It also showed when I stood up during a squadron briefing of a 100+ individuals to speak out against the hateful speech towards transgender people serving in the military and ultimately the rhetoric of the commander-in-chief at the time. I felt trapped again, because I couldn’t object more openly about the current administration as a member of the military. I found myself getting into arguments with leadership, and I later filed an Inspector General complaint that made it to the Pentagon before it was dismissed. For many reasons, I did not remain in the Air Force.

Despite the rifts I created in graduate school, I felt relieved when I was finally awarded my master’s degree. I was also happy that I met a woman in grad school who I’d eventually marry. Shortly after graduating, I began working as a therapist. My first was role was providing counseling services for Native American youth who were often struggling with grief, a history of abuse, and marginalization. This was a part-time job that involved just seeing a few clients a week. This role was fulfilling to me for some time. However, my pattern caught up to me, and I found myself craving more structure.

I started working at a community mental health center, instead. I liked it, for the first six months. After I learned more about the organization’s practices and really experienced what it was like to work in such a place, I began making my objections known to my supervisor at the time. Nothing I said made any difference. I felt powerless.

Eventually, I left and started working at a more reasonably paced behavioral health agency, which ended up being the best place I ever worked. Everything felt much more settled once I found this place that essentially gave me permission to find my own balance of structure and freedom. I found myself asking for help more often than I was arguing with others. With the assistance of my wife, my supervisor at the time, and other helping professionals, I was finally able to believe that I could do whatever I wanted.

I took the next step and started my own private practice, AriseWithin Counseling. Now, I’m a virtual anxiety and trauma counselor specializing in helping Arizona teens and adults overcome fear and self-doubt so they can live life with more confidence. My passion is helping others believe in themselves so that they can make those steps towards their big goals, like finishing college or landing their dream job. I teach relaxation skills like mindfulness and meditation to help people manage stress, and I use EMDR Therapy to help others leave the past in the past. I started a YouTube channel, AriseWithin, to help provide important information to people worldwide who are looking for change in their lives.

I try not to use the word ‘always’, because things are just so much more complicated than black and white. However, one thing I know to be 100% true is that our bodies are always moving towards homeostasis. Since the mind is part of the body, the same applies. We’re constantly seeking balance.

Something I learned in grad school is that we all have polarities within. A polarity for me is the part that wants to rebel and the part that wants order. If I spent a majority of my time listening more to the rebellious part or listening more to the part that wanted order, I was often led in a direction that I couldn’t sustain. After I asked for help and began practicing mindfulness and meditation, I learned how to be in touch with both of these parts. I was finally able to be more of my true, authentic self and live in a way that felt more secure.

Finding balance can be challenging. My passion is helping others get there, because it can often make a world of difference. No one should have to live on feeling like things are too chaotic or too limiting. If you want to get balance back into your life as soon as possible, ask for help.

We often hear about learning lessons – but just as important is unlearning lessons. Have you ever had to unlearn a lesson?

When I was in the Marine Corps, I learned a lot of things that proved useful even after leaving the military. One important lesson I was glad to learn was the importance of building relationships and networking. I practiced this in the military and outside of the military, and I got better and better at it. However, not everything I learned in the Marine Corps was helpful.

Since Marines were supposed to be the best of the best, we were taught as early as boot camp that we were superior to everyone who was not a Marine. We would often hear leadership judging and comparing recruits, Marines, and other servicemembers. As one might expect, we started doing the same. While it sometimes felt nice believing you were superior to others, it more often caused problems.

Something that I always wanted in life was to be looked up to and respected. After I began working civilian jobs again and returned to school to complete my degrees, I wanted the respect that I thought I earned in the military to exist in the nonmilitary world. While I was thanked often enough for my military service, it didn’t feel like enough. I was taught to be superior, and I acted like I was superior.

When I thought I wasn’t getting enough respect, I would find myself angry and frustrated. I was getting into power struggles with my peers and even professors and supervisors. In particular, this was making graduate school very hard for myself and the people around me. Although I was wanting for others to respect me, I was feeling increasingly disrespected. One day, one of my mentors asked me a question.

They asked me, “What parts of the Marine Corps do you want to bring with you into the rest of your life?” I told them that I wanted to bring with me the work ethic, discipline, courage, and the networking skills that I learned. Then they asked me, “What parts of the Marine Corps do you want to let go of?”

I was intrigued. I had never thought of this before. Another thing that I carried from the Marine Corps was the idea “Once a Marine, Always a Marine.” The Marine Corps is sometimes compared to religion. I honestly didn’t know that I had a choice to leave anything behind.

After thinking about it, I told them that I wanted to leave behind the judging, the comparing, and the desire for superiority. There was a noticeable change after that. I felt relieved. I wasn’t getting into power struggles with others as much. Life got easier, and I was able to finish my master’s degree.

I soon realized that I was already being respected as a person. If I didn’t have this person who was willing to challenge me, I don’t know how long I would have continued on believing that I didn’t get enough respect. I’m grateful for them.

Ultimately, I learned that you don’t have to feel limited by the stories that you make up about your life. You can give yourself permission to let go of anything that might be holding you back from reaching your full potential.

Putting training and knowledge aside, what else do you think really matters in terms of succeeding in your field?

Be yourself.

Contact Info:

• Website: https://www.AriseWithinCounseling.com
• Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/AriseWithinCounseling
• Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/bryan-gower/
• Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCZIjDk3FgAIhUHxUCBKLj6A