We recently connected with Brittany Squillace and have shared our conversation below.
Brittany , thanks for taking the time to share your stories with us today. Is there a heartwarming story from your career that you look back on?
Yes, of course, there is a heartwarming story from my career! There are MANY which is what makes my field so incredible. The moments most heartwarming for me are the ones I get to witness the impact of the work my clients are doing. To ensure I maintain my client’s confidentiality, my story will be vague and identifying information or details will not be disclosed.
A big part of the work I do with clients is guiding them through identifying a way to stay connected with their deceased loved one(s); sometimes I get the privilege of guiding them through establishing that bond. A heartwarming experience I recently had, was in a moment in which I was doing just that. We were about halfway through session and discussing a difficult experience my client was attempting to navigate. We naturally approached an opportunity within this conversation where it felt appropriate to create the space for my client to connect with her deceased husband (who she lost unexpectedly). In reference to the difficult experience my client was processing, I asked her “What would your husband say to you in this moment?” She responded with what his response would be. I, then, followed up with “How would he say it? What would his tone be? How about body language?” While asking these questions, I could see my client was resonating with the work I was attempting to move her towards. She, again, answered the questions I asked. Following those series of questions, I asked “Where are you having this conversation with him? And what is he wearing?” Then, something really cool happened, I could instantly see her connect with her deceased husband (I’m getting chills and the heartwarming feeling as I share this story!); in that moment, I knew she could feel her husband’s presence. I sat with her, in this experience, and continued to asked additional questions sending her further into the connection.
As we reached the end of our time together for that day and I brought her back to the present, I asked her if she needed anything to reground before she continues on with her day (sometimes engaging in these types of experiences can be dysregulating for clients; I like to make sure they are grounded before leaving my office). She requested to open the window (mind you, it was very chilly out that day) while we do a few breathing exercises. So we did. I told her, “feel free to shut the window whenever feels appropriate to you.” We go through a few breathing exercises, she shuts the window and I asked her, “how do you feel?” This is where one of the coolest things I’ve EVER experienced in session with a client happened. After all the beautiful work we did, allowing her to connect with her late husband, she said the minute we opened the window she heard a noise that was a symbol in her marriage. In hearing that, she said it felt like he was carrying away her worries (aka the difficult situation we processed earlier in the session) telling her “everything is going to be okay” (this is exactly what she needed to hear)! WHAT?! Immediate chills!
Having the opportunity to create a space for my client to do the work allowing her to have this experience (which benefit her grief journey immensely!), as well as knowing she was safe enough with me/in my office to reach a level of vulnerability to welcome and experience this connection, is one of the most heartwarming things I’ve ever experienced! I will be forever grateful to my client for allowing me to witness that moment of growth.
Brittany , before we move on to more of these sorts of questions, can you take some time to bring our readers up to speed on you and what you do?
It would be my pleasure! My name is Brittany Squillace and I’m a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist specializing in grief and loss. In this work, I guide my clients through discovering meaning after their loss (which can look very different for everyone) and establishing continued bonds with their deceased loved one(s); allowing them to grow around their grief and carry the loss with them so they can continue living as their best self.
I got into the therapy field because I’ve always been fascinated by people and their behaviors; curious about why they do what they do, particularly within relationships. I also come from a divorced family and I believe my experiences (both good and challenging) with that process contributes to my career choice. Why I chose grief work specifically, is a little bit of a different story. Typically, clinicians who find themselves specializing in a particular area have had their own personal experience within their area of speciality. Now, I believe everyone has experienced grief even if they haven’t grieved the death of a loved one. While I did grieve the loss of my paternal grandparents, my most powerful encounters with grief come from non-death losses (or ambiguous/living losses). Between grieving the loss of what I thought my family would be through my parents’ divorce and watching my dad grieve and attempting to support him in that process, I say grief work chose me (to hear the full story, I invite you to listen to my Exposing Grief with Brittany Squillace podcast episode titled “Grief Work Chose Me!”).
While I cherish all aspects of my career and business/practice, the one area I am most proud of and hold true to is my passion for educating the community on healthy grief. I believe everyone needs to know what makes for a healthy grieving process because the grief club is one no one wants to be part of but one everyone will join at some point in their life. So community outreach and education not only reaches a larger audience, allowing more people to be part of removing the stigma of grief, loss, and death in our society, but it also creates a welcoming platform for those who are thinking about starting grief therapy; giving them a little glimpse into what that process could look like and, hopefully, removing some of the fear that comes with doing the grief work.
Lastly, a little fun fact I like to share about the meaning behind why I chose a lotus flower for my logo/brand. The lotus flower carries a meaning of “sacred for purity, rebirth, and strength” because they often rise from the mud to reach the surface of the water where they expose their beauty. When developing Best Self Therapy, I knew a lotus flower needed to be part of my brand for the fact that its meaning symbolizes how one walks through a grief journey. Embarking on a grief journey can leave us feeling trapped underneath the mud of the loss; as we begin to do the grief work, we grow through the mud and resurface with a new found beauty.
Let’s talk about resilience next – do you have a story you can share with us?
Haha just one?! I can recall on so many experiences that have challenged and built my resiliency. However, I will share a story on the experience that I believe is the one I had to go through in order for me to achieve the victories I have up to this point.
As I stated earlier in this interview, I am a licensed Marriage & Family Therapist and I say that loud and proud because the journey I had working towards my licensure was a LONG one. In order for a clinician to get the LMFT license, there are many expectations and requirements to meet/complete (as there are with many licensing processes). A supervisee (a pre-licensed or partially licensed clinician who is working towards full licensure) is required to practice for at least two years (my process took at least 4) before they can apply to take the final licensing exam, we have to collect so many hours providing therapy (these hours are broken into individual hours and relational hours which is providing therapy to a family system or couple), and we have two exams to take; the written exam which is all theories based and then the oral exam which is ethics based.
I’ve been lucky enough to always work in an outpatient setting. However, this makes for collecting my relational hours very challenging; I worked with many individuals but only a handful of families and couples. This is where I experienced the first hurdle of my licensing process. I became very creative and took on a lot of extra work to get my relational hours completed.
I also encountered an obstacle around how many supervision hours I was collecting in a year. I learned I was collecting too many requiring me to reevaluate how often I was engaging in supervision which extended my process by 6 months. I was not happy! A lot of anger, tears, and defeat came out of realizing I had to (what felt like) pause my future for half a year. But, by far, the biggest obstacle I encountered was passing the written exam. I spent endless hours of studying and had so many people communicating to me the high pass rate in attempts to comfort me however, when I failed the exam twice (finally passing on my third attempt) the knowledge of the high passing rate only left me feeling incompetent and like I wasn’t meant to be in this field.
Having to overcome that strong sense of defeat is what has helped me become stronger and more resilient which I believe is a necessity (at least for my journey) for a business owner. In the challenges described above, I learned how to allow myself to welcome the emotion that comes with the challenge(s), because those are very real and we don’t want to deny ourselves of those. I also learned how to use those emotions as a driving force. Once I expressed my initial sadness, anger, defeat, or whatever other emotion was coming to the surface, I searched for the lesson to be learned from the experience. I’m a strong believer in everything happens for a reason; even if you can’t see it in the moment. So with every obstacle I encountered, after allowing for and validating my emotion(s) I asked myself, “What can you learn from this?” or “How might this be an opportunity for growth?” Looking back on the experience of needing to retake my written exam three times, I can see now that challenge was placed in front of me as an opportunity to learn how to be professionally resilient; the future knew I would need it as I would go on to become a business woman to my own private practice; doing work I’m extremely passionate about.
I’m at least 6 years out from this hurdle and I’m just now recognizing the purpose behind why I had to walk this rough path. It allows me to be the powerhouse and resilient business woman I am today and that will only grow as time goes on. For that, I say thank you to those obstacles.
If you could go back, would you choose the same profession, specialty, etc.?
I most definitely would! I actually started my college career out as a theater major. Theater has always been part of my life, even in childhood. When I got to high school it quickly became my entire world; theater and choir were my identity! When it was time to decide what I wanted to major in I, like most college freshmen, wasn’t sure what I wanted to do for the rest of my life. So, I resorted to what I knew and was comfortable with; landing me in the theater program at UMD. And wow! What a transition that was! I felt like I was a fish out of water having gone from a big fish in a small pond to a small fish in a giant body of water! It was a humbling experience to say the least.
I have never lost (and will never lose) my passion for theater but I determined theater/acting was not the career path for me. I kept my theater major and double majored in psychology my sophomore year of college. I remember a psychology professor telling me soon after I started in the psych program, “Theater isn’t a typical major to pair with psychology. You should really get a biology major or minor.” Initially, I was taken aback and for a split moment thought, “well gosh…maybe he’s right.” And then I found myself grateful to this professor as he created a space for me to explore how I can incorporate both my theater and psychology degree into my goals of becoming a therapist for a profession. From then on, everything I learned in my theater classes I explored how I might apply that to my craft of providing therapy (i.e. reading people, looking for the underlining message leading me to the root cause of the problem, being comfortable with silence in the room, etc.) and everything I learned in my psychology classes I found ways to implement that knowledge into my craft of developing and bringing a character to life; allowing me to become a stronger actress.
Long story short, yes! I would still choose the same profession today however, I wouldn’t say I’d take the opportunity to go back. Everything I’ve encountered up to this point has sculpted me into the woman I am today.
Contact Info:
- Website: www.bestselftherapy.net
- Instagram: @bestselftherapy or @exposing_grief
- Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/BestSelfTherapy
- Linkedin: Brittany Squillace or Best Self Therapy
- Youtube: Exposing Grief (https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCp5BgKk8UeK425g_tebZ7RQ)
- Other: I started a podcast this August! It’s titled “Exposing Grief with Brittany Squillace”.
While still carrying the same mission as my educational youtube channel (removing the stigma of grief and exposing it for what it truly is; which is a natural and healthy way of living and loving), it also focuses on building hope in those who feel there isn’t any. I believe one of the most impactful ways to do this is through hearing others’ stories who have gone through similar experiences. This can help us feel we’re not alone! Each episode (with the exception of a few where I take a moment to talk about an important grief topic), I sit down with a guest and chat with them about their grief experience and what they found helpful as they honored (and continue to do so) their grief journey. You may listen to the podcast on Spotify, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music, or iHeartRadio.
Image Credits
Lacy with East Oaks Photography
Lindsay Doyle