We caught up with the brilliant and insightful Brenda L. Yoder a few weeks ago and have shared our conversation below.
Brenda L. , appreciate you joining us today. What sort of legacy are you hoping to build. What do you think people will say about you after you are gone, what do you hope to be remembered for?
The last chapter in my book “Uncomplicated: Simple Secrets for a Compelling Life,” is about heritage and legacy because it’s the legacy of others who have shaped my life that I reorient to when life feels out of control or clashes with my values. The legacy I’ve been building in my life values people. I want to make a positive impact on people in the spaces where I work, play, or live–the kind that makes someone feel seen, heard, and valued. I also want to leave a legacy about essential and eternal things, not temporary or futile. In a world accelerating at breakneck speed and where the foundations of stability seem to be falling apart, I want to remind people of timeless, grounded principles that don’t change. I want to be a sheltering tree to those around me.
As Viktor Frankl, an Austrian Holocaust survivor, says, we have one life to live. We can either exist or color in our circle of influence. I want to be remembered as someone who positively impacted others, making them feel safe and valued.
Great, appreciate you sharing that with us. Before we ask you to share more of your insights, can you take a moment to introduce yourself and how you got to where you are today to our readers.
I’m an educator, therapist, writer by trade, and a mom, wife, and new grandma. My life has been a process of value clarification and uncomplicating what is most important at each stage. Values drive our priorities and actions, whether we think they do or not. My passion is helping others realize you don’t have to sacrifice dreams for the more grounded life you want, but uncomplicating your life with clear values enables you to reach your goals and work/life balance.
My husband and I have grown up and raised our kids in a small rural community in northern Indiana, where we still reside. Our community is known for being the country’s third-largest Amish and Mennonite community, and our little town is a popular tourist destination. My husband grew up in a Mennonite dairy-farming family whose roots run deep in our community. Our family cultures were vastly different even though I grew up in our small town most of my life. My parents moved to our area when I was three, having lived in larger cities before that. My father is the son of Italian immigrants.
I graduated college with a bachelor’s degree in Secondary Education and married my high school sweetheart after college. We started our family soon afterward, and I was a stay-at-home mom while my kids were young. I did so for over ten years while my husband taught high school math, coached, and worked on his family dairy farm. We have four children, all three years apart.
When my youngest was three, I got my dream job of teaching US History at our local high school. I thought I would work there until I retired, but teaching 180 students while raising four of my own as a working mom was exhausting and stressful. I’d work with teens all day and come home to my own kids who needed me. Our kids were active in sports and activities, we were active in our church and community, and my husband was also teaching and managing the family dairy farm, a job that doesn’t have a break. Cows must be milked twice a day, every day. Our time and energy were stretched thin.
The life I was living was not what I wanted it to be. With only a few years left with all of my children at home, I made a difficult decision to uncomplicate my life by leaving the teaching profession, which I loved, to go back to school full-time for a career change. I wanted more part-time or flexible employment options while my family was still young.
This was a financial risk to our family while raising four kids while college awaited them. However, my values defined such a critical decision–I wanted to be more available and less stressed as a parent during the crucial years when they were teens. For three years, I worked on dual degrees at two different universities and did a 1000 clinical internship. I received a Master’s Degree in Clinical Mental Health Counseling with school counseling licensure. I am a licensed mental health counselor (LMHC) and a school counselor, grades k-12.
Does that sound busy? It was intense but, unfortunately, not as fierce as the stress of teaching full-time. Uncomplicating your life means knowing what you need at each juncture when life clashes with your goals and values. Though on the outside, I had the job I loved of teaching, I was stressed and tired as a working parent, and we needed a change.
Going back to graduate school at age 40 was a decision that was for maximum impact–I wanted as many work options for the time, energy, and financial investment. It paid off. I have worked in several capacities over the years, both in private practice and as a part-time school counselor. I have also worked in domestic violence and foster care systems as a therapist. My jobs have changed as my family’s needs have changed. I began speaking and writing while in graduate school and have since published three books. I write for Guidepost’s Mornings with Jesus, and have been featured in Chicken Soup for the Soul Books, Publisher’s Weekly, and The Washington Post. My newest book, “Uncomplicated: Simple Secrets for a Compelling Life” was awarded the 2024 Non-fiction Book of the Year by the Advanced Writer’s and Speaker’s Association. My first two books are “Fledge: Launching Your Kids Without Losing Your Mind” and “Balance, Busyness, and Not Doing It All.”
Uncomplicating my life means I must continue to pause and assess the core values for this season of life, too. With five young grandchildren and our four children spread throughout the country, I’m resigning after this school year as an elementary counselor to be more active and present in the lives of my family while continuing to write, speak, and work as a coach and therapist.
I’ve learned that we are the only ones controlling our lives. No one will make our lives less complicated for us. But uncomplicating your life doesn’t mean forfeiting your dream. Reaching goals is a lifetime journey: it doesn’t have to be all at once. When I was a stay-at-home mom, I would have never thought I would have the career paths I’ve had in the last twenty-five years since. I’ve been a teacher, a school counselor, a therapist, an author, and a speaker. I have three books published and got a Master’s degree while having four kids at home. At each juncture, I did what was best at the time: living a compelling life and living what was most important to me.
I’ve realized that we only have one life, and at the end of the day or the end of my life, I want to have no regrets about how I spent my time. I’m indispensable in any job, even with accolades, but the only people who will be beside me in death will be my family and closest friends.
A simpler or uncomplicated life doesn’t mean a laid-back or slower-lane life; it’s an intentional life. It takes courage to live this way. Our culture is about fast-paced, immediate gratification and temporal pleasures. No matter where you live, it doesn’t have to be that way.
What am I most proud of? Raising productive, accomplished kids who are thriving in their lives and professions. I’m proud of modeling all the different versions of myself and the values that defined those stages. When they were young, it was being a stay-at-home mom. When they were older, it was being a full-time working mom in a teaching profession I loved. In recent years, they have seen me pursue other passions, such as going back for a second degree in another profession while also becoming an award-winning author, while still being present for them.
I’m also proud that the Advanced Writers and Speakers Association awarded Uncomplicated: Simple Secrets for a Compelling Lifestyle the Golden Scroll Nonfiction Book of the Year. It speaks to the need the book addresses for people who feel trapped in a chaotic, relentless, demanding lifestyle and want to know there is a way to a more peaceful life without sacrificing a modern lifestyle.
What do you find most rewarding about being a creative?
The most rewarding experience as a writer is receiving an email or social media message from a reader telling me how my book or devotion in Mornings with Jesus has impacted them. Because my values and legacy involve making a positive impact that doesn’t just inspire others but makes an indelible impression on their lives, this is most important to me—much more than likes, shares, or numbers.
We’d love to hear the story of how you turned a side-hustle into a something much bigger.
I started writing as a blogger when I returned to school for a counseling degree at age 40. I didn’t intend to become a published writer, but writing the Life Beyond the Picket Fence blog caught traction. Soon, I was being asked to speak, and I was writing more professional articles on parenting and mental health.
My first published piece was a submission I sent to our denomination’s devotional magazine. Then, I was published in two Chicken Soup for the Soul books, and I independently published my first book, “Balance, Busyness, and Not Doing It All.”
A parenting article I wrote reached an editor of a publishing house, who contacted me about writing a parenting book. I wrote Fledge: Launching Your Kids Without Losing Your Mind, then began writing for Guideposts, and have been writing since.
I’m a creative but also an educator and nurturer. I thrive when working with people, which counseling provides. Being a bi-vocational writer works best because I’m not an entrepreneur or marketer. A supervisor once told me that the more experiences you have, the more you realize what you don’t want to do. Thriving as a creative means working with people in addition to writing, which I intend on doing as I continue to live a compelling, uncomplicated life.
Contact Info:
- Website: https://www.brendayoder.com
- Instagram: @brendayoderspeaks
- Facebook: @brendayoderspeaker
- Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/brendalyoder/
- Other: Midlife Moms podcast
