We were lucky to catch up with Blue Stiley recently and have shared our conversation below.
Blue, looking forward to hearing all of your stories today. Can you tell us a bit about who your hero is and the influence they’ve had on you?
The most influential and impactful person I ever met was my “Sensei” or martial arts instructor, Robey R. Reed. He was a Tech sgt in the U.S. Airforce and martial arts instructor in my hometown of Spokane WA. Growing up with the name Blue, in the late 70’s and early 80’s was awful and I got picked on, made fun of and bullied all the time. So much so, my parents put me into martial arts and introduced me to the man that would change the trajectory of my life. He wasn’t wearing a name tag or had a sign with big flashing lights letting me know he was going to shape my life, both personally and professionally, but that is exactly what he did. And he did it, by making a genuine/meaningful connection with me, bringing me into his community (Karate/Judo School) and teaching me to believe in myself. (Connections, Community, and Making people feel valued)
This formula, not only served as a personal recipe for me reaching and achieving every goal I set, but I too began implementing and teaching this exact formula to help thousands of others, including Olympic athletes, actors, models, students and executives to reach their goals as well.
Here is a list of several simple lessons he taught me:
*Having a strong foundation in anything you do is imperative-I thought I would learn to be a ninja on day one when I entered our martial arts school, but instead, I had to learn the basic fundamentals (How to fall and be thrown) for two months. Eventually, I learned to kick and punch but this taught me I had to know how to crawl before learning to sprint. This was a life journey in martial arts as well, that I learned after getting my black belt (10 years after starting). Your black belt only meant you had a basic understanding of the fundamentals, not how to teach them. The Japanese believe that to truly understand something, you must also be able to effectively teach it, and this was a major principle I learned. Understanding the basics with a sound foundation, sets you up to successfully build the skyscraper of your dreams as high as you want to go”
*Failure- My instructor failed me the night I tested for my black belt which was on a Friday evening. The entire class went out for a celebratory dinner afterwards, which I was the only one who hadn’t passed. Something I had trained for 10 years for, something I wanted so badly, and was so close to getting, slipped through my fingers. That was the longest weekend, then I had to go to my high school and tell everyone that I hadn’t passed my test which was certainly humbling. And to top it off, Monday I would head back to karate and wear the same brown belt and see everyone else who had a new colored belt or rank. That was the longest weekend of my life. I contemplated quitting, giving up and throwing in the towel. I went to class that night, wore the same belt and after class we began to sit down and finish class but then my instructor asked “why I was sitting with the other brown belts?’ I replied with a slight chuckle to his simple question with “this is where the brown belts sit” and he shot back, ‘No, you belong up here” while pointing to the front row of black belts. He then pulled an embroidered black belt with my name on it out from behind his uniform. Friday night wasn’t the real test, he knew I would pass after 10 years of training and preparing for it, but what he didn’t know and what was the real test, was- Could I handle real failure, failure that stung! Failure is a greater teacher than success because in life, you usually have many opportunities to try again and learn from that failure.
*Positive Mindset: Can’t means won’t, and won’t means push-ups – I did a lot of push-ups growing up FYI! How we talk to ourselves truly matters. Saying “I have to go to work, have to pay my bills, have to go to the gym” is way different than, “I get to go to work, I get to pay off my debt, I get to head to the gym”. Having a positive mindset reminds you that someone always has it worse, and there is no reason to blame, complain or be the victim. I started a sports card business out of my locker in Jr. high and was selling cards to my fellow students for nearly a month. I was making literally hundreds of dollars a day at the age of 12. That is until the principal caught wind of what I was doing and had to inform me that “drugs” weren’t the only thing we could sell out of our lockers. I was then forced to make a decision, to quit or adapt and join the adult workforce. After sitting down with my instructor after a call one night and hearing his advice, I got my first business license the next day and began selling cards at card shows across Washington state. I was able to pay for my entire college tuition by the time I was 14 and I still have enough to pay for both of my kids’ tuition too. Turn lemons into lemonade!
*Be the shark- Always continue to grow, develop and learn as an individual. School doesn’t stop the day you graduate. Life is school. Mediocrity should never be celebrated. Always give 3-5% more in everything that you do. He would remind me to never stop reading, practicing new skills, acquiring more talents. That the most valuable asset we have, besides time, is ourselves! Anything we add to ourselves, will increase our value to our self, employer, family, team, community and our world. Whether this is in the corporate field, your relationships, customer service, sales, in your business or as a citizen, go above and beyond in everything you do. Never settle because someone else won’t and they will eat you up! Never stop swimming.
*There are multiple if not infinite ways of achieving a certain result, goal or destination. In math and science, this is called “Equifinality”. My instructor taught me to see things differently and failure as a setback, not an end. I took this concept and wrote a book about it called :”The sum of 4″, in which I explain that we all can get to “4” differently. Some of us will get there the same way, but there is no right or wrong way. Sure, some ways are more expensive, are less scenic, hurt a bit more, or take a lot longer but the end result is always “getting to 4”! See roadblocks, challenges and failure as setbacks to prepare for your next move, not the end. It reveals new options and what your next move will be”
*Find your table- If you want to make an impact and truly connect with someone, be prepared to sit down with someone and put yourself in their shoes, understand their needs, find what motivates them, make them feel like a million bucks, and ask them how you can help them. And, if you are in the position to do so, follow up and follow through with helping them. My instructor everyday, when not teaching, would sit at a local coffee shop and buy anyone who couldn’t afford a cup of coffee or who wanted one, and sit across from them to learn about them and their needs. When my instructor died and I stood behind his casket, I could see the power of influence and impact he made on so many people. The funeral home had only standing room and no room for the hundreds of other people unable to be in the room. This simple lesson, on the power of making a true impact, has stood with me for over 30 years. Never stop impacting or trying to help other people.
As always, we appreciate you sharing your insights and we’ve got a few more questions for you, but before we get to all of that can you take a minute to introduce yourself and give our readers some of your back background and context?
I am a professional keynote speaker and author dedicated to helping individuals, leaders and organizations build trust and meaningful relationships. I love speaking because I like to help people reprogram their minds, change their behavior and leave hearing me a little bit better than they were before. At the age of 12, I began an entrepreneurial journey, where I successfully used chocolate milk and sports cards to pay for my entire college education. I’ve coached and empowered thousands of students, individuals, Olympic athletes, celebrities, fashion models, executives, and entrepreneurs. I am a martial arts instructor, strength coach, professional actor, international model, loving husband and father of two amazing kids as well. I truly believe that our success is based on each and every connection we make. Everyone we meet, throughout our lives, helps shape who we become. Therefore, surrounding ourselves around real and genuine connections, creating a meaningful community and making others feel valued has become my mission in life, both personally and professionally. This is the exact formula and way my martial arts instructor introduced me to, when I was 8 years old, on how to make the greatest impact in life. He taught me the power of making meaningful connections, creating a strong community and making others feel valued and to believe in themselves. After he died, I wrote a book about it and now use my platform as a motivational speaker to share this message and give value to as many people as I can reach and influence.
What’s been the most effective strategy for growing your clientele?
Being authentic and real. Leading by example and putting others first has always been the most effective way for me to achieve any goal I have ever set. Truly connecting with someone, not to be confused with just networking or having a rolodex of names isn’t what I mean. Really knowing someone, their name, who they are, what their needs are, what they value, what’s most important to them and if I am in a position to help them (and being able to follow through with that help) is my way of making an impact with clients, readers, students, and audiences. It is not about the quick sale, but the long-lasting relationship that is most important to succeed and be impactful. Continuing to grow my influence and make an impact has grown that community. Make people feel heard, seen and valued.
Are there any books, videos, essays or other resources that have significantly impacted your management and entrepreneurial thinking and philosophy?
How to Win Friends & Influence People By: Dale Carnegie
This is a timeless formula that I read in high school and have told 1000’s of people to read if they want to succeed in life, both personally and professionally. If you were to acquire any skill, I would say the ability to truly connect and lead others is the most valuable skill(s) to master. If you can do this, you can hire or lead anyone with any skill that you don’t possess!
Last of the Breed,
By: Louis L’Amour.
This is his only non-western book and is a story of overcoming any challenge, problem, or setback. This is a motivational book for me that reminds me to never give up, ( took this out) dig deep, visualize goals, set goals, and never quit.
Change to “Latest” one is,
Be Useful
Seven Tools for Life
By: Arnold Schwarzenegger
Just cause I love Arnold and grew up in the 70’s and 80’s. I have had the pleasure of meeting him twice and he is an amazing inspiration. His new book makes it easy to understand that we are all on the same team and have the ability to play the same game if we choose. In the end, it is up to us, and only us, to be resilient and stay the course.
Contact Info:
- Website: www.bluestiley.com
- Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/bluestiley/?hl=en
- Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/blue.stiley/
- Linkedin: www.linkedin.com/in/blue-stiley
- Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCRRMc9Mka0YljNY9LwCyHzg
Image Credits
Ed Fitzpatrick Photgrapher Mcklyn Cole Valenciano Jeff Marano