We’re excited to introduce you to the always interesting and insightful Bini Sebastian. We hope you’ll enjoy our conversation with Bini below.
Alright, Bini thanks for taking the time to share your stories and insights with us today. Can you open up about a risk you’ve taken – what it was like taking that risk, why you took the risk and how it turned out?
I feel like I take a risk anytime I bring my art into a space where most folks know me as a therapist or class instructor. I’m being vulnerable and showing parts of myself that are human through my art, and I fear that others will see me as less credible (so much to unpack here). A memory that comes to mind is performing spoken word at ZouSoul in May 2022. ZouSoul is an amazing Black-led student organization that supports University of Missouri (Mizzou) students who want to perform music, art, spoken word, and more. It was ZouSoul’s last show of the spring semester and my last semester as a graduate student at Mizzou. It was also the semester that I felt so in my power as an artist, educator, and therapist. I was invited to do live painting for their last show, which I was so humbled by and excited to do. I also thought about performing spoken word, which is a different layer of vulnerability I had not tapped into on a campus setting. This was an opportunity to show up as a Whole being in front of an audience that I knew probably included my students, mentees, and clients – people who may have seen me in one specific light. I was weary about performing spoken word because it was a different type of vulnerability that I have to tap into. I am so glad I took the risk of performing the piece, because not only did I feel seen, respected, and appreciated as a Whole being, but I knew this kind of public integration is important and validating for other young people to see. This is the work of empowerment, spiritual liberation, and decolonization. This was even more meaningful because of the focus on Black students and Black cultures; these students have the wisdom that creativity is a critical part of freedom and collective healing, and they created space for expression. Minoritized students, especially in the middle of Missouri often don’t feel like they/we belong in certain spaces. There’s a lot of compartmentalization, imposter syndrome, or code-switching, which takes a toll on students, and a lot of it is in the name of survival. This was a powerful experience for me because it reminded me that I’m on the right path and need to always hold and work through the tension between my interests.
Bini, love having you share your insights with us. Before we ask you more questions, maybe you can take a moment to introduce yourself to our readers who might have missed our earlier conversations?
I’m a visual artist and PhD student in counseling psychology. I interweave my identities as an Indian-American woman, child of immigrants, educator, and mental health professional to create art that centers intersectional liberation and the healing of transgenerational trauma. I’m hoping to bridge the worlds of creativity and mental health, although in many ways, the bridge is already there. For most of my life, I’ve felt like I’ve needed to compartmentalize my identities, worlds, experiences. I create art to find a sense of wholeness and inspire individual and collective action so that others may work towards their own wholeness. I’m proud of myself for maintaining some kind of an artistic identity throughout grad school. I remember my little cousin, Reshma, told me that my art was “moving,” and that really stuck with me. I hope those who follow me and view my art give themselves permission to feel whatever arises as they look at my art.
Is there something you think non-creatives will struggle to understand about your journey as a creative?
I think less about the dichotomy between “creatives” and “non-creatives” but more like those who are intentional about engaging in creative activities because they know the importance of the practice versus those who choose not to engage in a creative practice because they believe there is no worth or value in it. I wish the latter group was not so fearful of addressing their demons, shadows, struggles, etc., and believe in the healing power of creative expression.
Have you ever had to pivot?
I had to pivot away from the PhD work and towards my artwork in my 3rd year of graduate school, after a series of experiences that led me to realize that I was consistently turning away from my life purpose in order to please other people. I remember one day before class, I felt extremely overwhelmed with all the juggling – research, teaching, therapy, meetings, classes, etc.. Devon, one of my peers, noticed something was wrong, and she held space for me right before that class. I was angry, depressed, drained, and I expressed all of this for the first time to a peer through tears and rage. I gave myself permission to feel, express, and receive Devon’s support. We, graduate students, often shove our feelings down, and everyone looks like they are doing okay on the outside. When really, many of us are feeling either unhappy and incomplete.
During this time, I did not fully pivot to full artist, because that also would not have been fulfilling. I‘ve realized that if I was all psychologist, I would not be happy. If I was all artist, I also would not be happy. I’m happiest when I’m investing in the birth of the blend – the creation of something new that needs to be brought into the world through an interdisciplinary lens. I’ve had to feel the fire from either extreme: diving into research and neglecting my body or going to all kinds of art events, forgetting about a paper that was due. When I’m operating in either of the extremes, I feel disconnected from myself and incomplete. When I keep my purpose of integration in mind, I’m at peace and faithful.
Contact Info:
- Website: www.binisebastian.com
- Instagram: binisebastian
- Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/bini.sebastian.5/
- Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/binisebastian
Image Credits
Bini Sebastian