We’re excited to introduce you to the always interesting and insightful Barbara Outterson. We hope you’ll enjoy our conversation with Barbara below.

Barbara, looking forward to hearing all of your stories today. We’d love to hear about when you first realized that you wanted to pursue a creative path professionally.

I was a toddler when I began to sing and make up stories. A few months later, I began to draw and paint, believing that I could achieve the success of the great masters with my markers and crayons. I declared, at age 5, that I was going to be an artist and singer when I grew up.

As I grew up, I developed strong abilities in other types of activities or jobs, although they always seemed to be creative in some way. I could cut hair and color it, using color theory, pretty expertly (so I studied that), I got into floral arranging and did that for a handful of years (I still love it). I got into calligraphy and turned that into a business, doing invitations for weddings. I also started my own art business, which I was not ready to pursue full time, because I started teaching voice lessons in 1995 (adding piano in 1999) and am still doing so. I have tried to add side jobs, or consider “normal” jobs that would make steadier money, but I have never been able to tear myself away from art and music. I hold degrees in Opera/Classical Vocal Performance, Vocal Pedagogy, and Clinical Psychology.

As always, we appreciate you sharing your insights and we’ve got a few more questions for you, but before we get to all of that can you take a minute to introduce yourself and give our readers some of your back background and context?

My art and music have been the core of my existence since I could speak or walk. I would have loved to study art in an academic setting, but life was challenging in many ways. I always practiced my art, tried to sell it, and enjoyed it as an outlet during many sad times, when I was emotionally in a dark place. My singing took the lead in education. I trained to be a professional opera singer for many years and devoted most of my waking hours to practicing technique and learning all the famous opera roles.

I attended a small liberal arts college in upstate New York and had the blessing of teachers from New York City (who were working with the famous singers and orchestras that I had read about for years). I had many opportunities to perform, all over the northeastern United States and Canada. I was selecting repertoire for life-changing vocal competitions and planning for my professional future when I took a detour and chose to start a family. I was hoping I could do both, but life is unpredictable and one of my three children ended up dealing with sickness and disability. He became my main focus, despite maintaining my performance career with various symphonies and professional choirs. I knew, at one point, that my own mental health and future would require me to pull away from that professional world, so that I could be stable enough for my children.

I began teaching private music lessons thirty years ago and have never had to advertise. I have had a consistent studio roster and have been able to support myself and my children when I needed to. I have never been rich, but I had the ability to continue sharing my passion for voice through my students, and it also meant that I could continue to practice and develop my craft as a visual artist. My husband supported my dreams in every way possible. He knew that it made me a happier human being, in addition to a better wife and mother.

After years of painful trials for myself and my family (especially my middle child, who had to overcome so much), a lot of therapy, and daily soul-searching, I came to grips with the fact that I no longer felt cheated about the loss of my singing career. I sat in the gratitude and positive change that had come in other ways, and the fact that I finally found my voice as an artist in acrylic paint and mixed media. I began to heal by using my art and found the Drinking Gourd Gallery. It was like returning home to my tribe. It was at that moment that I felt God had replaced my old dream with one that was still very much alive and waiting for its chance. I began painting regularly again and have been active in displaying art publicly, selling some very meaningful pieces.

My mission now, is to combine my passion for mental health awareness and art to fuse into a daily journey to improve and engage, both as an artist and as a member of the Raleigh-Durham arts community. I am currently working on my largest series of paintings (to date) which will be a retelling of my story. It will detail my abuse, my emotional and mental suffering, my triumph and healing, and my success in finally breaking the chain of ancestral suffering for my own, beautiful children. They did not inherit the problems of my own youth, or my mother’s, or my grandmother’s. They were given exactly what each of them deserved, because I refused to let them be imprisoned by the same struggles. In each painting, I am purging a piece of my psyche that learned (at one point) to be broken, and I am writing a love letter with each brush stroke, to my inner child. It is NOW time to embrace a new chapter- one that I choose. Healing and self-empowerment comprise the legacy I leave for my children. God has given me new wings, to paint and to live joyfully, and for that I will be eternally grateful.

Can you share a story from your journey that illustrates your resilience?

Well… I will attempt to make a very long story, short enough to be digestible.

I have two, amazing daughters (my oldest and youngest children) and my middle child is a boy. He is a resilient young man who has taught me a lot. He has Epilepsy and Autism and recently graduated, after two decades of daily struggle and an ocean of my tears. Thank God we made it.

In the intervening years, I had to wake up each morning, not knowing what to expect: illness, defiance, seizures, nonverbal stupors, and sometimes, violence (when he was navigating a very delayed puberty). Thousands of days of constant upheaval and challenge. Some of those days I wondered why I was alive or how I would make it through to the brighter days (that simply had to come some day). I promised him I would never give up on him. I didn’t. but, on many days, it would have been easy to shut down my music and art studios and simply throw it all away, I could try to get a job I could work from home, and just be a warm body and assistant for my son. When things were bad, I wanted to give up, but I kept smiling through voice and piano lessons, and I continued to sketch and paint, even when it was painful… especially when it was painful.

Today, I am profoundly happy I never gave up. I am working as an artist and building a beautiful community, and it has been a week since his graduation (which he and I thought we would never see). Gratitude does not begin to cover what I feel. I did not give up. My children have a mother who stayed true to her word. They got to see someone fall apart, a LOT, and then get back up and find joy. My children got to see a fully raw human being, refined by fire right in front of their eyes. I never gave the bare minimum- to be honest, my chronic OCD wouldn’t let me. No matter what- I am standing on the other side of what I thought was impossible. It is over, and I am here to share my story, in my art and writing, and in any way I choose, to help the next person who thinks they will never see victory. I accept that challenge. I am so proud to have survived. It has changed me for the better. Thank you to my kids, especially my son, for walking with me through the flames. We did it!

Is there mission driving your creative journey?

When I began my degree in clinical psychology, I thought I would somehow work with violent offenders and serial criminals. I had a passion for figuring out the human mind as big as my love for the arts. It did not quite go that way, but I use that degree every day. It helps me to know myself, my family members, and it helps me to use my big heart, for something constructive. I like to believe that I can see (and feel) when others need to be seen and heard, and to extend an open hand to them.

By the same token, I am very excited to pour my life experiences onto canvas, then to talk about them at every opportunity. I want to be transparent about the pain in my past, so that someone out there might see me, just as I am, and realize that they are not weak or alone in their struggle. No two struggles are the same, but I have already had the opportunity to give voice to others, who were in situations where they felt they could not speak to anyone about the suffering in their own homes and minds. I lived that life and am a testimony that it does pay to keep waking up and trying. It pays to let people in when you feel that rejection and judgment are all there is in our world.

My creative journey in this era of my life, is all about acknowledgment. I want to validate the stories of others by sharing my own. I want to spread the word that healing is out there. We have just forgotten that it requires ALL OF US. Community heals. Awareness and compassion are what make a society great. I dream of creating work that will feed this for the rest of my life.

Contact Info:

• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/barbara_artworks?igsh=a3E2cTYzbmpzNng%3D&utm_-source=qr
• Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@barbaraouttersonartwork

Image Credits

All photos were taken by me (of my own work) and all digital enhancements were completed by me, Barbara A. Outterson.