We recently connected with Ashleigh Skaggs and have shared our conversation below.

Ashleigh, thanks for joining us, excited to have you contributing your stories and insights. How’s you first get into your field – what was your first job in this field?

My first client was a referral from a dear friend who I had worked with for many years as a Director of Sales and Marketing in Senior Living. She had a client whose family requested someone to come in and sing for their mother who was actively passing. She called me and asked if I would be willing to go as a doula to provide comfort for the family and sing vigil at her bedside. I have been a professional performer for 26 years and I sing a wide range of music because I perform a lot in senior living facilities. I was nervous trying to prepare selections for someone I had never met before. I kept asking myself how I would know if she was even enjoying it.

I was welcomed into a small room where Carol was laying in bed and her daughter sat beside her. The daughter stated it was her birthday and she could think of nothing more than spending the day with her mom. I sang a few Crooner songs, some Beatles and asked if there was anything in particular she loved. The daughter said Carol always loved “Ave Maria”. She said, “It was the song that was played at my wedding and it always makes her cry”. I am grateful that it is a song I am very familiar with so it was my honor to share it with them both.

Carol had been unresponsive for all of the visit. As I sang, she opened her eyes and looked at her daughter. We watched her face turn as she began to cry and she squeezed her daughters hand. It was a beautiful moment for us both. It was also the last opportunity that she was consciously with us. These moments that she had with us began what we refer to in the Healthcare and Death Care industry as a “rally”. It is a final bright moment at the end of someone’s life. For some it may be a day where it appears their loved one is improving; they may communicate verbally or nonverbally after being unresponsive, they may be more physical or react in a way that gives hope to the loved ones. Some choose to see this moment as sad but death does not have to be sad and disheartening. It is the one thing that binds us all. It is a journey that all of us will take, we have to learn to look at it as a beautiful process, because it is.

Her daughter thanked me for giving her the most wonderful gift from her mother. Carol passed less than 72 hours later and I sang to her for many hours during that time. It was a profound moment that made me realize that music had to be a large part of my services. To this day it is still something I offer to all of my clients, whether it is in a therapeutic way for those with memory loss or to sing at bedside or a funeral. Hearing is one of the final sensations we lose and music is the one thing that will connect us at every stage of life.

Ashleigh, before we move on to more of these sorts of questions, can you take some time to bring our readers up to speed on you and what you do?

I refer to myself as an End of Life Navigator and Aging Companion. Many people may be more familiar with the term End of Life Doula or Death Midwife. They are all cut from the same cloth. I am a trained, non-medical professional who assists the dying person and their loved ones as they transition from this dimension to the next. I provide a wide range of services from multiple industries to make sure I am providing a full continuum of care for my clients. I work side by side with medical professionals and hospice organizations to help the family process, provide them with resources and make sure that the spiritual, mental and practical needs of my client are met. I do not subscribe to a particular religion as my belief system is not important in someone else’s death journey. I am a spiritual being which allows me to flow freely with the beliefs of the dying person. I am also a Queer advocate of the LGBTQIA+ population.

It is my goal to help bring joy to the end of a person’s life by focusing on quality over quantity of days. I work to help them continue the hobbies or things that brought them joy their entire life, within the confines of their diagnosis or physical limitations. I like to start with clients as early as possible, in the months and years before their passing, as an aging companion. I come to have conversation, read, sing therapeutic music, take them out to activities, do crafts, cook, clean and do any tasks that help them have a better quality of life while also bringing joy. As they begin to transition the services shift to assisting the medical team with tough conversations, helping prepare a beautiful dying environment (also called a death nest), give non-medical care, reiki treatments, and therapeutic music. I assist the support system with funeral preparations, meeting with the funeral team to help the family with decision making through grief, gathering documents and being a shoulder when they need support. I also assist post-mortem in making arrangements, cleaning the decedent, cleaning/organizing the estate, organizing meal trains and holding space at the funeral.

Every service offered is catered to the needs of that client and no client ever looks the same.
I believe my aging companionship and vocal services set me apart from others. I want to honor that person in death and for me, the greatest way to do that is to bring joy to their loved ones in the same way I did while they were alive. Spending time in the days, months and years before their passing allows me to know and connect with them on a deeper level. We become friends very quickly and when I attend their services I feel honored knowing that I have special memories and a bond with them as well.

There are moments that I am proud of but the ones that mean the most are when a family tells me how grateful they are for my presence, that the process was easy or that their loved one deeply cared for me because I care deeply for each person that I sit with, share my voice with or aid in their transition.

What’s been the most effective strategy for growing your clientele?

Finding my niche. I came from a background in marketing in senior living. I had a lot of connections in senior living that I thought would be the basis of my clientele. It didn’t hurt but coming in as a “private caregiver” versus asa a marketer put quite a few folks on edge. While there has always been someone caring for the dead and dying, many people in the healthcare and medical profession have a difficult time with someone coming in who provides non-medical services. They are afraid of the repercussions, that the person may get in the way of care or be a nuisance. I had to learn how to overcome that.

So I focused on music. I started going to more senior living facilities, connecting with the residents and staff through happy and fun memories and made sure to network while I was there. I led with joy instead of leading with death. No one wants to talk about our finality or even think about it but knowing there is someone who will help you see the rainbow after the rain is how I was able to help people have a conversation that they are so afraid of.

Other than training/knowledge, what do you think is most helpful for succeeding in your field?

Networking and storytelling. Don’t focus on the bells and whistles, social media and advertising. You will get overwhelmed and lost in a world that is ever evolving and changing. You’re going to have to utilize it eventually but don’t put so much into it that you lose sight of the connections that will really build your business. Get out in front of people. Show them who you are and why you deserve their business. These connections take longer to foster, you may go months, even years before you get one but the best client experiences I have had come from face to face connections and business friendships, not from email, website or social media.

Tell stories when you talk to people and connect on an emotional level. You don’t have to be an emotional person but everyone can find an emotion related to their field that others will connect with. Don’t just sell a product or service, share who you are and how you will make them feel during and after the business is concluded.

Talk about your business every opportunity that you get. If you can find a way to work it into a conversation while standing at the bar on the weekend then do it. Don’t make the conversation all about you but the more you talk about what you do and what you are passionate about, the easier it will get to share your story.

Contact Info:

• Website: https://morningstarendoflifecare.com
• Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MorningStarEndofLifeCare/
• Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/ashleighskaggs/

Image Credits

Professional portraits provided by Joe Hulsey Photography