We were lucky to catch up with Arielle Zadok recently and have shared our conversation below.

Hi Arielle, thanks for joining us today. What were some of the most unexpected problems you’ve faced in your career and how did you resolve those issues?

While Intimacy Coordinating has become a bit of a buzzword as of late (for good reason), it wasn’t until 2017, after the #MeToo movement, that anyone was giving real thought to the process, power dynamics and vulnerabilities that exist when creating scenes involving nudity and / or simulated s*x. Actors were left to advocate for themselves in an atmosphere where “no” wasn’t truly an option, and other crew members (mostly Assistant Directors and Costumers) were left to do what we could to support the actors, handle the additional needs and keep the day on track. I was one of those crew members.

In 2012 I was living in New Zealand working on a series where actors were scantily clad on a daily basis and scenes of nudity and simulated s*x were a part of every episode. My job as an Assistant Director was to oversee all of our background performers. Each day I would come into work, get them through “the works” (i.e. hair, makeup and wardrobe), handle all of their blocking, and get their paperwork signed. On this particular day I came into work to learn that in a matter of two hours, we would be filming a scene in a brothel, and we had about 25 background performers who I needed to place in the room with varying levels of nudity and simulated s*x. At 6am, it was the first I was hearing of it.

I intrinsically knew this would take a great deal of care, consent, communication and coordination. There were no protocols at the time, no one was talking about consent the way we are now, and Intimacy Coordinating was still 5 years away from being a position on set. I knew if I didn’t handle this situation well, not only would the scene look bad, but much more importantly we could be impacting our performers’ well-being in a negative way.

With the limited amount of time I had, I was able to get a clear view of the Director’s vision, have consent forward conversations with all of the background performers, create within the boundaries of each individual nudity rider (the contracts that are signed prior to a performance outlining nudity and simulated s*x the actor has agreed to), work with makeup who applied merkins (pubic hair wigs) and a prosthetic p*nis, and work with costumes who provide modesty garments to create a scene that was sexy, fun and authentic for our main cast to perform in all while keeping our background performers feeling safe and advocated for.

While it would take another 5 years for Intimacy Coordinating to become it’s own position on set, this was the moment I fell in love with the process of handling nudity and simulated s*x balancing the creative vision while ensuring the physical and psychological safety of those involved.

Thankfully we are no longer operating in an atmosphere where we prioritize compliance over consent and we are seeing more and more Intimacy Coordinators on productions who are there to help co-create authentic scenes that are not only in line with a Director’s vision, but are safe and consensual for our actors so that they can create at the highest level of their abilities.

Great, appreciate you sharing that with us. Before we ask you to share more of your insights, can you take a moment to introduce yourself and how you got to where you are today to our readers.

I wish there was an easy way to tell my story! The truth is my 18+ years in the entertainment industry has been an intentional zig zag of strategy and intuition.

If we really want to go back in time, my journey truly began in the performing arts; dance, acting, singing, musicals, talent shows, you name it. If it had to do with live performance, I was in, even if it meant working backstage. This is where I first fell in love with entertainment. I still love the intoxicating exchange between audience and performer no matter what side of the stage I’m on.

Although I majored in TV Production, coming out of college I didn’t think I would be in production, I thought I would be a Casting Director. In fact my first job when I was 22 was as an Agent following a summer internship, but it didn’t take many years before I missed the rush of a co-collaboration. The feeling of multiple teams working together to bring one vision to life, each owning their specialty and bringing their specific gifts to the table has always been something that fuels me. I didn’t care if it was on stage or on screen, but ultimately my path lead me to the screen.

I’ve never been one to choose a linear path. I’ve never belonged to a click or dedicated myself to a single craft. I was that girl who always had to be in two places at once because I was interested in multiple activities, and I resented anyone who tried to make me believe I had to choose. I never did, and I never will. The way that translated into my career is that I parallel pathed the road to being a Producer and the road to being an Assistant Director. If I leaned too much into one department, I’d try to book jobs in the other. I didn’t want to be a Producer who could Assistant Direct, and I didn’t want to be an Assistant Director who could Produce. I wanted to be just as strong in one as I was in the other, so I shaped my experiences based on what I needed.

Through the years that lead me to working as a Producer and Assistant Director in almost every type of business format; Freelance, at an Ad Agency, at a Production Company, at a Hybrid (that’s when the ad agency and production company are the same company), at a Production Service company for foreign productions and most recently at a major Television Studio. For a long time I felt like my zig-zags and mixed experience held me back, but as I’ve grown as a professional I now know that it gives me a very unique lens to view production through, a lens that understands perspectives that many haven’t had access or first hand experience with, and it informs my decision making around all turns. In fact, it’s all those zig-zags, including my Certification as a Holistic Health Coach, is what landed me a position at a major television studio on a small team tasked with figuring out how to produce television through a pandemic when Covid-19 shut the world down. I am so incredibly proud of the work we did over these last 3 years and the entertainment we were able to provide a world that so badly needed an escape. We did the impossible, created jobs, kept people safe and brought people joy at a time they needed it most.

And because I’m me, you know there’s more to this story.

I was 8 years old when I moved into my own room and some of my earliest memories are of listening to Dr. Ruth on my little Sony Dream Machine clock radio and watching Real S*x on HBO in the dark under the covers as low as I could listen and not get caught. I had always been fascinated with bodies and my childhood level of understanding of adult relationships but this is when I was able to hear stories and see how adults really lived. It was never about the actual s*x, I couldn’t understand that anyway, I was always just fascinated by all of the different ways adults would play. This love, curiosity and fascination is something I still hold today.

I didn’t know it at the time, but in 2014 when I began my Certification as a Holistic Health Coach while still working in production, it was the beginning of integrating my love for human s*xuality into my professional work. It took a few more years before I became a Certified S*x Educator and started creating content, but now I’m currently completing my Intimacy Coordinating Certification as well as a second S*x Educator certification and blending my love of production and s*xuality in a way that leverages my nearly two decades of experience on set with a lifetime of learning.

In hindsight, my zig-zags were not only intentional for my goals at the time, but lead me to where I am today. Now I take all of that experience, all of my zig zags, all of my education and curiosities and creativity and I use it to support the creation of intimate scenes whether they’re on screen or in real life. As an Intimacy Coordinator, I facilitate scenes involving nudity, simulated s*x and hyper exposure making sure the actors feel safe, respected and expansive in their creative expression while bringing a Director’s vision to life within the container of consent. As a S*x Educator I help people discover their sexual voice and authentic desires helping them become better sexual communicators when it comes to their pleasure, their boundaries and their sexual health. I also host and Produce a weekly podcast called “Birds and Bees Don’t Fck” where I talk to comedians and sexperts of all kinds from Educators to S*x Workers and Founders of sexual wellness products about their formative s*x education (or lack thereof) which creates a fun and lighthearted way for us to connect over shared experiences and fill in the many blanks left by a system that failed us all.

I still work as an Assistant Director on commercials, offer Production Consulting for sexuality brands and perform when I can. I teach Pole dancing classes that focus on sensual expression and occasionally you can catch me performing as a host or dancer for pole or burlesque shows. I’m also an improviser on a rotating cast of a weekly improv show for kids at the Youth Academy of Dramatic Arts called the “Rockin’ Awesome Improv Show” which means yes, I’m still on stage relishing in that energetic exchange that only exists between an audience and performer in live theater.

I’ve zigged, and I’ve zagged and it’s lead me to a life that feels authentic, grounded and so uniquely me.

Is there mission driving your creative journey?

I love the entertainment industry, I always have and I always will, but a lot of damage has been done over the years whether it was the stories we told on screen or how people were being treated behind it. When the #MeToo movement happened in 2016, you were hard pressed to find a woman that hadn’t experienced some form of sexual harassment on set, regardless of what her role was. None of us were surprised.

In a industry where we are taught, especially as actors, to say “yes, and” it’s essential that we shift the conversation, mentality and behavior to make it okay to say “no, but” and that’s a big part of what Intimacy Coordinators are here to do; break up the culture of “yes, and”, remove the mystery of what will happen on set during an intimate or vulnerable scene and make sure that the creation of scenes involving nudity, simulated s*x or hyper exposure are done so with collaboration, communication and consent. We’re here to make the creative better and when people are clear on what’s happening and that their boundaries will be respected without question, they can perform at the highest level of their ability whether that scene is calling for super hot s*x, taking a bath or getting into a fight in the nude.

In general, the media has also done a lot of damage when it comes to teaching us about s*x and relationships. Stories have been told through the lens of straight, cis-gender men lacking consideration for how anyone other than a cis straight guy has s*x. It’s unrealistic, unreasonable and unrelatable… even to the cis straight men watching who find out the hard way that s*x and relationships most definitely do not work the way they do in the movies. This is something that directly impacts my work as a S*x Educator, which only deepens my interest in helping tell authentic, inclusive stories.

Creativity and sexuality are intrinsically connected so while Intimacy Coordinating and S*x Education are quite different in terms of how I support others and what my professional scope of work is, both give me the opportunity to help people connect with and express themselves in a way that is safe and authentic.

S*x can be weird, messy and uncomfortable for most people regardless of it’s real or make believe. Ultimately I’m here to remove the awkwardness and facilitate excellence and connection through communication, collaboration, consent and education whether that’s on set, on screen or in the bedroom.

What’s a lesson you had to unlearn and what’s the backstory?

One of the biggest lessons I had to unlearn wasn’t so much a lesson but a message; that I couldn’t be both sexual and professional. That if I wanted to be taken seriously, I couldn’t let the men around me (read: the men who were hiring me or reporting to me) see me as hot, or sexy and that I had to desexualize myself and be more like a dude if I wanted to make it in this industry.

The truth is, it didn’t matter what I wore or how many layers my body was hiding under, I was still hit on (either openly or overtly) and would work with men who would get to set and assume I was a PA or with hair / make-up / costumes and not the Producer or Assistant Director.

It took years of experience and knowing my work and resume speaks for itself but eventually I started to realize that I didn’t actually care if they saw me as sexy or feminine, that they were going to do that regardless of what I did or didn’t do, so I could simply be myself… and self is really good at her job. Plus, as a person in a position of power, I make it a point to hire people who are professional and respectful to all genders at all times regardless of what they look like.

I will be honest in saying I was reluctant to share my pole dancing online (unlearning can take a lifetime) but the more I stepped into my intrinsic creative expression, the less I cared what anyone thought about it. I integrate this into my work as a Pole instructor and craft my classes around helping women discover their intrinsic sensual expression through pole dancing, unlearning lessons of shame along the way.

Contact Info:

• Website: www.zintimacycoordinator.com
• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/ariellezadok/
• Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/ariellezadok/
• Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCTRgTaY0PKbqYiserXe3zrw
• Podcast: https://linktr.ee/birdsandbeesdontfck

Image Credits
Jonathan Adjahoe (studio set) Brandon Faith (from The Distinguished Gentleman’s Drive) Don Curry (Pole) Ellenor Argyropoulous (Vulva puppet & vibrator) 340 Nightclub (hosting image) On set of ‘Killroy Was Here’ (with Kevin Smith)