We recently connected with Arial Harper and have shared our conversation below.

Alright, Arial thanks for taking the time to share your stories and insights with us today. Let’s go back in time a bit – can you share a story of a time when you learned an important lesson during your education?

This question was the first question that popped out to me because I still give these words to others as a therapist and in general conversation. Picture it, Sicily, 1922, just kidding but it was in the summer of 2019 on my birthday weekend where I had to travel from my vacation spot in Hot Springs Village, AR back to Magnoila, AR (roughly 2 hours) for my in person class during my master of clinician mental health and counseling program.

Backstory, The night before I was up enjoying my family and friends doing homework while everyone else was laughing, cooking, and enjoying each other’s company. I finally got my assignment completed and turned in but time slipped away to where I had missed the entire night focusing on finding the correct answers to a quiz that we had due that night for the upcoming class in the morning. I used to be very big on perfection to the point to where I was missing an important lesson, to live.

Fast forward, I traveled to class and I was running behind that morning so I showed up 5 minutes late and the professor had a strict policy about being late but she let me in anyways. I came in and I was frustrated thinking about how I could have done things differently to be on time instead of being grateful that I made it safely. We went over materials in class and then she handed back our quizzes from the assignment that I worked on all night the night before. When she handed me the paper, I immediately became upset and could no longer focus on the remainder of class because the grade had received was a 98% (yes I know, I know) but in my eyes I answered everything correctly so I deserved a 100%,

When classed dismissed I waited patiently, anxious to get an explanation about these 2 points and when I walked up to her she greeted me with a smile and said “You did such an amazing job on this assignment, I am often amazed at your work when I grading,” I instantly responded back, “Yes about that, if I did so good then why am I missing 2 points?” She smiled and said “You remind me so much of myself when I was younger because I used to be so focused on being correct that I forgot to learn. I deducted 2 points because yes you gave the correct answer but the answer I was looking for was objective and you gave an subjective answer which I know isn’t your best work.” I was ready to plead my case but before I could start she said something very momental “It’s not about being perfect its about learning, don’t become so consume with perfection that you miss the value in learning.” I was disarmed from that one sentenced and that lesson began to apply in several parts of my life.

At times we become so consumed with being perfect, correcting things/people, not making mistakes, or even living on the side of cautious that we forget to live and learn but primarily to live. Even with people in our lives we focus on the version that we want them to be often times to where we forget to meet them where they are and see them. This day paved the way for many more lessons in life but the greatest lesson was to allow myself grace for error and learning.

Arial , love having you share your insights with us. Before we ask you more questions, maybe you can take a moment to introduce yourself to our readers who might have missed our earlier conversations?

Well I am Arial Harper, I am native from Southwest Arkansas where I was born and raised. I actually come from an underdog story which is what inspired me to become the change that I needed to see, a Licensed Professional Counselor and published author.

Becoming a therapist kind of happened naturally because I remember the day that it happened, I was sitting in a chair outside the counseling office in college when I picked up a magazine that was discussing neuroscience and childhood trauma. Initially I went to college for art because I was great at drawing and poetry but after that day I switched my major about psychology because I wanted to learn about myself. When I started learning things about myself I noticed that I was changing, beginning healing for the first time and I felt like if I could change the character in my story why couldn’t I help guide someone else to this self discovery? This moment birthed the ambition to become the change that I needed to see.

Becoming a published author was another story. Throughout my life I had always been skilled with words and creative writing because where I couldn’t change the world going on around me I could control the words and narrative in my journal. Journaling has always been my go to but throughout my years I always heard people tell me “you have a story to tell, a testimony because at times I don’t know how you are still standing.” Sadly this book came to life surrounding the unfortunate passing of my mother and then her mother afterwards but the one thing that they had in common was, everyone knew of them but no one knew their story. Grief can be a powerful influencer in a negative and positive way which is how I began writing my book, I needed somewhere for my heart to release the stories I didn’t often tell behind the smile that most people saw. My book, Miracle child, was written not just for me to tell my story but to tell our story, the story of two women that were very influential in my life. It started out being only about that but been I thought about how we often times sit in the same room with others only waiting to hear them say something first. The second purpose of this book is to be the one to say things first so healing conversations can begin and trauma passed off as culture ends.

I actually started my private practice for the same reason because while it was beneficial financially to work for myself it also granted me mental freedom as well. Working in healthcare and agencies you see a lot of scary things in inpatient treatment, hospital settings, jail settings, that makes you question “When did we lose the value on the quality of life over the quantity of a dollar?” It struggled with the being an advocate for so long that I came to state of despair in my field because no seemed to value people. I eventually learned that you can’t make rules at another persons house but you can purchase your own house to make your own rules which is exactly what I did. I created C.O.P. OUT, LLC (Children Of Purpose Outreach) to be a safe place, a cop out, to press pause on life to simply say “I am not okay.” My mission at COP OUT will always be “There is no such thing as a lost cause only a work in progress.” I provide counseling services through my private practice as well as grief support groups. One of my passions and specialities is grief/loss as well as trauma which I love to see the journey of a person watching someone fall in love with themselves to break up with their intimate relationship with emotional pain. These support groups were created because grief requires a space all of its own an often its own village for support.

The one thing that I want people to know me about me is simply to know me. Hearing that it gets better is one thing but seeing that it gets better is another thing which is what I have based my career around learning to be healthy for myself as well as for others.

We often hear about learning lessons – but just as important is unlearning lessons. Have you ever had to unlearn a lesson?

The beautiful answer to that is love! My first encounter with love was not as gentle and warm as it should have been but rather it became an affair with an intimate relationship to pain. Throughout my life I have experienced versions of love rather they be hard or soft until I reached a point that love had to hurt in order for it to be love. As I started doing my own healing I discovered a love for others but a beautiful soft love for myself that didn’t come with chaos. I feel like I experienced love, healthy love, about 3 years ago and every since then I have relearning how to give and receive it. I have always loved my heart even the scars because despite the broken piece I have always picked it up attempting to rebuild a love of my own and since I have relearned love, love as equally seems to learn me and find me.

Have you ever had to pivot?

I believe it was the decision to go into private practice. When I began my career I thought I would be this life long therapist that worked for this grand agency because of my need to be apart of something meaningful. As I set out on this journey I found a plot twist that actually started to deter me from wanting to grow in the field of being a therapist. Throughout the course of 7 years I have witness the healthcare systems fail families and patient as well as individuals with one thing in common the value of dollar exceeded the value on the quality of life. I have always believed that you should surround yourself with things that reflect you and unethical situations have never been for me. I was growing as a therapist and becoming an amazing advocate but that often came with dismissals and micro aggression because lets face it I was a black woman that demanded just for all without the thought of price tag. My last experience of that is when my turning point came because I remember my thought being “You can’t make rules in another person’s house but I can go build my own house to make my own rules.” I began my private practice to have something of my own to represented the quality of life for others but also to take myself away from a familiar form of abuse as well. I created my practice as a safe place for others to come and dwell, to press a pause button on life until they were able to start again.

Contact Info:

• Website: https://Childofpurposeoutreach.com
• Facebook: Https://www.facebook.com/Arial.Harper.7
• Other: Amazon- Miracle Child by Arial D. Harper