We were lucky to catch up with April Brenneman recently and have shared our conversation below.
April, thanks for taking the time to share your stories with us today Was there a moment in your career that meaningfully altered your trajectory? If so, we’d love to hear the backstory.
Yes. Perhaps, though, it would be better to say, my life experience led to my career. The following is a description of that moment:
I curled up on the couch with a glass of red wine. Tears slid down my cheeks as I watched the slow movement of shadow cast by the setting sun creep across the living room. I was in a small Loma Linda apartment. My five year old son, mercifully asleep in a back room; occasionally whimpered with pain. His body, thin, pale and bald from the ravages of childhood cancer treatment. We were here for his radiation and it was taking toll. Time evaporated
Suddenly, I heard these words, “This is what it means to be human. This is what it is to be fully alive. Suffering and pain belong too.”
They penetrated my body, to my very bones. I understood that to truly be alive, to heal, to feel joy, I must also feel grief, disappointment, anger, rage and pain. These so called “negative emotions” are crucial to life.
Thus began my own emotional, trauma and spiritual healing journey. I was 45 years old. Everything I’d been handed as a child and into adulthood about how the world operated, spirituality/God or what life was about, no longer worked for me.
An ending is a beginning just as a beginning is an ending. My past self began to fade away, just as my quest for mySelf and healing began.
April, love having you share your insights with us. Before we ask you more questions, maybe you can take a moment to introduce yourself to our readers who might have missed our earlier conversations?
I do not have answers, but I know how to look inside mySelf and discover my truth. With this knowledge, I guide clients in the same work for themselves. After my son survived childhood cancer, I found a Spiritual Companion, who sat with me monthly. She listened deeply to my questions, witnessed my anguish and tears without judgement. She never invaded nor abandoned me. Instead, she helped me discover my own spirituality. She gave me space to grieve. She encouraged me to trust my own intuition. I grew more and more solid in mySelf, as a being filled with truth and light. I believe this of all human beings. She helped me love the world as it is, knowing that change is possible and begins with us.
Once I began, the learning unfolded quickly. I am a lifelong learner. I finished a two year study of Christian Mystics, Buddhism and social justice just as the social, political and spiritual rupture of 2020 burst open. After years of yoga classes, where I experienced the healing of being in my body; I trained as an instructor. I am a 200 RYT in Hatha Yoga.
I have two certifications through The Embody Lab, where I studied trauma, attachment theory, Inner Relationship Focusing and somatic /embodiment work. I became a Spiritual Companion through The Companioning Center. Currently, I am studying Somatic Experiencing, a modality for healing that works with the subtle body.
All of these studies, modalities and skill sets guide me as I sit with clients. Each person is trying to find their own way, developing their own understanding and asking their own questions. They may be in life transition. They may be grieving. They may feel alone. Trusting, what I call, “Life Force” to guide us; we listen deeply together for what Howard Thurman called: ‘The sound of the genuine”, which is within each of us.
I ask evocative questions, guide them deep into their bodies and wait. The dynamism between my clients and my nervous systems plus “Life Force” reveals the way for us through time. The gift of Presence is the most powerful gift to give. I am there for my client and with my client. Healing may come, new narratives and reframing may emerge. The work is slow and mindful. Witnessing transformation as it unfolds, is an honor.
Having a sense of my own Being, helps me engage with others whether we are in an asana shape, in a breath practice, simply talking or in a deep subtle ‘Felt Sense’ practice. I also love to incorporate art, dream work and symbols into my work with clients, if they so desire.
Accompanying others on their journey is my life’s work. Through my wounds and healing, I am able to hold space for other human beings. We do not journey in this life alone. We are made for community. I love what Rumi said: “The wound is the place where the light enters you.” My wounds become my gifting.
Disclaimer:
I do not provide therapeutic counseling, therapy or financial or legal advice. Our conversations are private and are completely confidential. However, I am a court mandated reporter and therefore I need to report sexual, physical, child or elder abuse or any active suicidal threat.
Putting training and knowledge aside, what else do you think really matters in terms of succeeding in your field?
I grew up in a household with ongoing trauma. What’s miraculous is, our bodies are so brilliantly adapted for survival. Though trauma is harmful, the other side of that is resilience and developing skills that help us survive. As I’ve healed and honed my craft holding space for others; I discovered I have what I lovingly call a ‘super power.’
In order to survive as a child, I had to be able to hone in on how my parents were doing and feeling. I especially sensed into my mother’s mood. This kept me safe. Now this survival skill helps me as I sit with clients either in person or on zoom. I get a sense of what’s happening for them. In the resonant field of our nervous systems, I can often sense their current state. This guides me into a bit of insight. It may also help me ask questions, or reflect back what they’ve said, which is helpful for them to hear. This then deepens their awareness of themselves, which in turn leads to a possible layer of healing, reframing or understanding. I am also aware that my ‘super power’ may get it wrong, so I am careful to give agency and the freedom for a client to say ‘no’, disagree or clarify what’s going on for them more clearly.
This may sound ‘woo woo’, but there’s actual science around it. Though I am grateful for this gift, I also honor that it came to me at a cost. Compassion for mySelf is crucial, which in turn brings compassion for others.
We often hear about learning lessons – but just as important is unlearning lessons. Have you ever had to unlearn a lesson?
I was raised in a Pentecostal denomination of Christianity as a child. Later I spent years in an Evangelical denomination. I do not condemn any religion or denomination. Religion may be a good beginning point or foundation. However; there were two damaging messages that I internalized and have had to unlearn.
One is that I cannot trust my heart or mySelf, because the interpretation of scripture I was taught says the human heart is ‘above all deceitfully wicked.’ Intuition was suspect. Authority was paramount.
Second, which very much interweaves with the first one, is the system of patriarchy. Fathers, husbands, male pastors were my authority. God was male. The hierarchy was clear: Male God over father/husband. Father/husband over woman/wife/mother/daughter and sons. A female deity was missing. Woman were always under the authority of a male, whether it was a male God or a man.
These two damaging messages took years and much hard inner work for me to unlearn. No one needed to tell me as a child that I was wicked. With trauma in my home, sadly, I already believed that to my very bones. Having an abusive father also then skewed a vision of what God could be. To me, there was this angry deity and because I was born wicked; I could never do anything right. It’s a horrible vicious cycle.
The truth is we are all born with the ability for great good and great harm. Which will we choose? When we realize we are capable of choosing love, we more often than not move in that direction. Our capacity for good grows. (barring some mental illnesses)
No one person is the authority over you. You are your own authority. This is innate in every human being. Sometimes it feels easier to blame others by giving them the authority over ourselves. What’s challenging and healing is to own our own choices, decisions and actions. That will include mistakes, sometimes. That’s ok. That means we are human. I call it ‘growing up and becoming a healthy adult’.
As a woman raised in a strong subculture of a patriarchal system, along with our current culture of patriarchy, the work is never ending. Stepping out of all the roles and ways I was told I should be as a woman to leave the church, pursue my own trainings and start my own business is empowering!
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Image Credits
April Brenneman- all photos except one Emma Laurion–photo of April wearing black and white dancing