We were lucky to catch up with Ann Louden recently and have shared our conversation below.
Hi Ann, thanks for joining us today. Risk taking is something we’re really interested in and we’d love to hear the story of a risk you’ve taken.
I never have thought of myself as a risk-taker, until life circumstances forced me to see I have always been. I used to call it seeking adventure — like in my 20’s when I left my Tennessee birthplace to take a job in faraway Texas, or when I volunteered to manage an artist on American Idol, or when I produced seven music videos featuring hundreds of cancer survivors like me. “Why not?” was my mantra. “Going big” was my theme song.
And then life intervened. My 24 year old marriage fell apart. My longtime university career came to an end. I needed a new script, a different fork to take in the road. And I knew the only person to make that happen was me.
After my divorce, I took the largest risk of my life. I left Texas, where I had been firmly established for 30 years, and moved to New York City to build a new life. What did that entail? Everything. Establishing my own consulting company and finding clients to pay me. Adapting to living in a city of 8.2 million people. Finding community in a place so radically different from any I had ever lived. And deciding to date again in my second chapter of life!
How did all of these life changes work out? Better than I could have dreamed! For the first time, I was working for myself, analyzing and solving big problems for nonprofit clients. For the first time, I lived in a skyscraper with 1,000 people. For the first time, I dated more than 50 men, and on a dare, wrote a book about my experiences.
Ann, love having you share your insights with us. Before we ask you more questions, maybe you can take a moment to introduce yourself to our readers who might have missed our earlier conversations?
My nonprofit career began in higher education right out of college. I took a position with a university alumni association, thinking it would be a one or two year stint to pay the bills before going to law school. Instead, I spent 30 years in higher education, raising money for scholarships and research, engaging with faculty and students, and teaching a popular class in leadership.
As a nonprofit consultant, my clients hire me for my expertise in strategic planning, building effective volunteer boards, and teaching them how to be memorable connectors with donors. I also advise clients how to be better leaders by creating workplace cultures where people feel seen, heard, and valued.
As an author and relationship expert, I speak to groups and coach individuals on how to date in mid-life, how to build a personal brand, and how to prosper through transition and challenges. I love figuring out where people want to go in their lives, both personally and professionally, and helping them get there.
We’d love to hear a story of resilience from your journey.
On a beautiful sunny September day, a routine mammogram revealed the shocking news that I had breast cancer. The world stopped for me that afternoon, as I sat paralyzed on the steps of the Texas medical clinic wondering why the sky was so blue and what I should do after receiving such devastating news. I scarcely could comprehend what action I needed to take, let alone what the next weeks and months would bring.
And then it hit me. I should call someone who had been through what I was going through. Someone who could calm my panic and give me hope. Once I heard the kind voice of my friend Joan — a three time breast cancer survivor — I burst into tears and poured out my anguish. I had a 9-year old child. I was struggling with family issues. I needed to work. I was scared I might die.
I’ll never forget what she told me: “The way to eat an elephant is one bite at a time.” As I prepared for my surgery, and the many medical visits that followed, I replayed Joan’s words in my head, and they soothed me.
Once I finished treatment, I decided that I wanted to be a “Joan” to others who felt the fear, the worry, and the despair of a cancer diagnosis. I contacted the cancer center and volunteered my services. For 12 years, I served as the leader and spokesperson for a breast cancer awareness effort to recognize and support breast cancer survivors and their families.
If I had never been diagnosed with cancer, I would never have had the opportunity to add value to the lives of other cancer survivors. For that reason, I believe cancer changed me for the better. I am grateful that my personal journey has taught me how to support others who face a life-threatening medical crisis.
We often hear about learning lessons – but just as important is unlearning lessons. Have you ever had to unlearn a lesson?
My grandmother was an outsized influence in my life, practically raising me from birth into my teens. She was not shy about imparting her life lessons, and I took them all to heart. One of her often repeated rules was never to discuss personal matters. Growing up at a time when certain topics were not talked about in polite company, my grandmother winced at discussing “family business with strangers”. She would have recoiled at the idea of going to a therapist!
Fast forward to years later when two new girlfriends urged me to write a book about my unique and funny dating stories in New York City. Thinking back to my grandmother’s beliefs about privacy and discretion, I demurred at first. Pushed to reconsider, I struck a compromise. I would write under the pseudonym Kate Somerset to “protect” my own name.
It seemed professionally safer as Kate to amuse, entertain, shock, or inspire others who might be on the fence about dating in midlife. So the book “Mom…You Just Need to Get Laid: The Adventures of Dating After Divorce” was born! With all names changed to protect identities, the book presents 15 true stories about 15 dating adventures with 15 different men, all set in Manhattan.
What mistake did I make? So concerned was I about any professional fallout from admitting I was the author, I wasted valuable time and money creating an identity for my pen name. It was to no avail, because the secret got out anyway that the book and the experiences were mine.
To get ahead of the narrative, I decided to do a reveal, coming clean that I was the book’s author. What a liberating decision that was! There was no backlash. I could promote the book as me. I am overjoyed that readers see my decision to write it as courageous. I especially enjoy hearing from people who knew me in my “old life” and are thrilled that I also have a new one.
I now know that my grandmother’s lesson of keeping silent about challenges and vulnerabilities actually did not serve me well. My epiphany is learning I have every right to talk about and share all of my life’s journeys. In that spirit, my greatest reward has been discovering that my experiences are serving as a roadmap to encourage others.
Contact Info:
- Website: www.AnnLouden.com, www.KateSomerset.com
- Instagram: loudenann, KateSomerset
- Facebook: Ann Louden, Kate Somerset Author
- Other: Linked In: www.LinkedIn.com/in/annlouden
Image Credits
Ann Louden
Ryan Brown Photography
Skilla Productions