We caught up with the brilliant and insightful Angela Bartys a few weeks ago and have shared our conversation below.
Angela, appreciate you joining us today. Can you open up about a risk you’ve taken – what it was like taking that risk, why you took the risk and how it turned out?
There is a wide spectrum of risk taking, and when I look back over my life, it’s very clear that I’ve been determined to explore every fractal of that spectrum, consciously and unconsciously. It’s very easy to associate risk with danger, but I believe that true risk is trusting in the chaos of the unknown, trusting in your ability to navigate and create your own order out of mystery.
Fear is instilled in us at a young age with the intention to keep us safe, but the seeds of fear can grow into paralyzing resistance if left unchecked. I grew up challenging everything. They said “go right”, I wanted to go left. They said “be this,” so I wanted to be “that.” Curiosity always took the drivers seat in my journeys, and although that led me down some dark paths, it always led me closer to myself.
I’ve taken risks that were dangerous; hopping in a strange mans truck when my car burst into flames, mixing different drugs with more drugs, sharing my body with no discernment, and a long list of juvenile debauchery and bad decisions, but most of those were unconscious risks, done from a place of insecure disassociation of who I really was. My self worth was nothing, so being risky was everything.
Cut to 2018. I’m 34, and my lease is almost up. I’m single(ish), hanging on to the last leg of a long run of trauma bonding immature relationships, wrapping up another pseudo fufilling production job, finishing another experimental food trend, coming down from another plant medicine journey, and standing on the edge of “what the f*ck is next?”
Three years before, in 2015, I had a massive awakening ( a story for another time) and nothing in my life felt or looked the same. For the first time in years, I felt like I was actually INSIDE by body, and not some strange alien observer watching this person “Angela” live her life.
Awakenings may feel like they come along instantaneously, but they are years in the making, and the integration of one is no different. I had a calling that I wasn’t quite ready to listen to, but the calling got so loud that the life I once new as exciting, adventurous, sexy, and fun, quickly became flaccid…. or maybe I became flaccid. My life no longer turned me on, and I had to make some big decisions. Stay in this loop; another step up the ladder in my career, another quick burn faster burn out relationship, more drugs, more spiritual digging, more research, more exploring, OR, more listening and more DOing. It was time to leave the comfort of my subconscious mind and listen to the calling of my heart.
I gave up my beautiful downtown LA apartment that gave the illusion that I knew what I was doing in life. I cut the strings of the remaining romantic entanglements, I turned down a very high paying job, and I moved to the Hill Country of Texas with no map, no blueprint, and no idea what I was going to do.
Ok, maybe I had some idea of what I wanted to do, but actually doing it seemed impossible, and oh so risky.
What I didn’t mention earlier was that on top of being a risk taker, and challenger to any system or structure, I was, and am, a truth seeker, and not THE truth, but MY truth. I led two lives in LA; one was a producer and voice over artists who loved techno music, cool clothes, cooking, traveling, reading, and falling in love, the other was deeply immersed in religious and spiritual studies, obsessed with the esoteric and metaphysical, dedicated to a yoga, meditation , and breathwork practice, in complete awe of the world around me, devoted to understanding how the mind and body worked, and infinitely compassionate for others with the desire to help and nurture anyone who came into my path.
For years, I dreamt of a place where people came to heal. A place that supported full spectrum healing through the mind, body, and spirit. A place that was centered around human connection and community, and supported others in their own transformation of living a life of purpose and deep fufillment.
Now home, out of the city, where the only distractions were my own mind, I finally had the time and space to listen to the calling of my heart. I healed relationships with family, I connected with the land like never before, and I spent hours and months formulating a plan with the help of family. . Finally standing in the truth who I am and what I want, I met the man of my dreams, we had a baby, we moved to a small town of 15,000 people outside of Austin, and the dream started to take form.
My sister and I always knew that we would work together one day. It started as little girls dreaming of a bed and breakfast that also had a guitar shop ( for my dad) an epic restaurant, an art gallery ( for my mom) and fluffy beds.
She quit her job of 10 years and we got to work on making SO HUM a physical space. We got funding from family, and the work began. Every step has been a risk because there is no hand book. We used most of our money to remodel the space and cover the first months of rent.
Here we are, going into our 4th month of being open and there are still so many unknowns. What I do know is that I have never been so at peace with the unknowns. I have never been more full of empathy and love for others and myself, and I have never felt more alive. Are we an over night success? No, we are growing, we are gaining the trust of the community, and we are creating incredible relationships and experiences that keep expanding. This birth of SO HUM is just like my awakening, and I intend to allow for the space and time for it to integrate. One day at a time.
Angela, before we move on to more of these sorts of questions, can you take some time to bring our readers up to speed on you and what you do?
I was a spunky and sensitive little girl from New Orleans who wanted to either be a singing movie star or director/teacher/bible study leader. In some weird way, I became none of those and all of them.
I went to school at Belmont University in Nashville for music. Although it was a fantastic school, I knew I wouldn’t stay the full 4 years. I had never been “good” at school. My mind was always dreaming and creating, and my pen rarely hit the paper, unless it was the night before a due date and then I was miraculously a seasoned writer or intense studier.
I left after 3 semesters and moved to Los Angeles at 19. I started dating an older music producer who tried to nurture my talent for singing and songwriting, but my self destructive pattern of comparing myself to others left me incredibly insecure and desperately out of touch with my self. I was able to write some songs that some well known artists recorded, but never released ( a common occurrence in the world of music) but it gave me an edge and the illusions that there was potential ( at least to my parents.)
While writing early 2000’s electro pop music on the side, I was working as a hostess at popular French restaurant in Century City. All the local agents and big wigs in Hollywood came in, and of all the celebrities that passed through, the one that brought me the biggest thrill ( and stomach ache) was Andrew Lloyd Webber. My parents took me to see Phantom of The Opera in San Francisco when I was 8, and it was a spiritual experience that I never forgot.
Seating all the Hollywood whos in this French food heaven opened my whole world to culinary arts and entertainment, and I wanted more. I left the hostess job to work as a casting assistant for a reenactment show about wild incidents in the ER. It was a strange world with strange people, and I loved it.
Now, I’m casting, I’m cooking, and I’m writing. I went to Culinary school in Pasadena and immersed myself in the cooking world. Trying new foods daily and bringing them back to test on my friends and family who were so kind to tell me my soggy chicken was delicious.
Working on some music, I met a woman named Heather. She was the wife of a musician, older than me, and could tell I was lost. She knew my background in theater and asked if I had ever heard of voice overs. The concept was obvious, but the career was totally new to me. She happened to work at Disney as an animator and asked if I would be open to meeting with her friend who was a casting director there. He could tell me about voice overs and answer any questions I had. I went into Disney Tunes Studio one day thinking I was walking into a “bring your lost friend to work” day and would get a quick mentorship in voice overs and be gone.
I was so wrong.
They ended up auditioning me on the spot, and a week later I was cast in a Disney movie.
This changed the course of everything. I continued working in various restaurants , catering, and private chefing, but soon the voice over and production world took over. After a friend hired me to work as a story editor, I continued to work in reality tv while auditioning and working as a voice over artists.
I held this trifecta ( food, production, voice overs) for over 12 years. You could say this was my structure and system that kept the wheels turning, or kept the lights on so to speak, but in-between the lines I was healing. I was constantly seeking connection and depth. I was reading ancient text, self help books, taking different psychedelics, trying every form of yoga, meditation and breathwork I could . I was hungry for knowledge and desperate to feel worthy in my existence.
The story of my own healing journey is long and windy, but in a nutshell, I was sexually abused and raped in my late teens. Sadly, this isn’t a unique story, but the expression of that trauma is different for everyone. I wasn’t consciously trying to heal from that, but I knew I never felt like myself. I knew I had deep hatred for my body and looked for validation in men who were also lost in their own darkness. I questioned many times why I even existed, and what would happen if I just “went away.” I was manic, depressed, anxious all the time, yet covered it up as cool calm and collected. I observed everything and everyone and became extremely hyper vigilant. I never wanted to be a victim so I created an impenetrable armor that even I couldn’t get through. I very high exuberant highs and terribly low lows. I had many health issues, panic attacks, and a pent up rage that I let out at all the wrong moments. My voice was locked, I stopped singing, I stopped expressing my boundaries and my wants and needs, and I became a slave to my trauma.
In 2015 everything shifted, and after years of “working on myself” there was a breakthrough. I was playing out another toxic pattern and was fiercely called out. Exhausted from this pattern and full of shame, something broke. open in me. For the first time in years I saw myself in the mirror and I didn’t hate what I saw. I felt awake, alive, I remembered what had happened to me and I saw the theatre of my life played out in an instant. All of the games, all the pain, all the unhealthy choices, hit like a ton of bricks, but instead of running to the next thing to fill this void, I looked at it all with love. I felt unconditional love for myself, and everyone, for the first time. Nothing was ever the same after that and I knew that I had to share this. I had to do something to help others, to support others in their own healing.
At SO HUM we believe everyone’s path to healing is unique and there is no cure all for anyone. We believe in looking at the life holistically; our environment, our relationships, our food, our belief systems, our bodies, our minds, and the connection between our past, present and future. We provide classes for the mind and body ( yoga, meditation, movement, strength training) women’s and men’s groups, we have a mini apothecary and herb bar, self care products from the gifts of the land, a practitioner room for various body workers and healer, sound healing, an infrared sauna and cold plunge, community events, and a community space and garden.
We have plans to incorporate food and a non-alcoholic bar in the future.
I’m not one to tell you what you should do, and when you come to SO HUM, there is no go to prescription for your ailments. I listen, and I love to hear peoples stories. It’s possible that a lemon balm tincture may help calm your nerves, or maybe you just needed to be heard. Maybe you need some sun and your feet on the ground. My hope is that we provide a space physically and energetically for you to feel safe to soften your armor and find your own light to heal and repair. It has to come from within or there will never be long lasting change. Community support and empathic listening is a beautiful way to start.
Other than training/knowledge, what do you think is most helpful for succeeding in your field?
The world of health and wellness goes wide and deep. There are so many modalities and choices. and there are many profoundly influential healers, as well as many detrimental charlatans. There is no degree needed to be a sound healer or a breathwork practitioner or a life coach. It’s a bit like the Wild West, ripe with opportunity and bliss, and loaded with potential for disaster. It’s a beautiful paradox left to each individual to decide what is right and true for them.
Training is great, acquisition of knowledge is wonderful, but application and integration of these tools is essential. How can we teach and share if we are not using the tools ourselves daily? Being honest with yourself and transparent in all your relationships is crucial. There is a level of integrity that is needed to hold space for others in their healing journey. This doesn’t mean we need to be perfect, or fully healed. A true leader and healer is always learning, forever a student, and always peeling back the layers of their own healing. Pretending to have it all figured out is a big red flag, but reaching a level of inner knowing and peace makes a huge difference in your capacity to help others. If you’re thinking of going into a field of helping others, or being a healer of sorts, and you haven’t invited your demons to dinner, then it’s time to have a dinner party. Our demons, or shadow, is a part of us, and the more we ignore and compartmentalize these parts of our lives that have informed who we are, the further away we get from true inner peace. Face your demons, your darkness, and all your insecurities, question them and allow space for them without letting them take over the driver’s seat. See everyone as a mirror, and mold yourself into the person you want to be. No one can do it for you.
What’s a lesson you had to unlearn and what’s the backstory?
I’ve had to unlearn that there is a linear path to happiness or success. I was so conditioned to think that schooling, college, job, family, retirement, happiness was the only way to live life. It has taken years and a lot of road blocks and pain to figure out that everything is cyclical and seasonal, temporary and changing. There is not one path but many, and we get to create our own road map. Stop waiting for it to appear.
Contact Info:
- Website: www.sohumsowell.com
- Instagram: @sohumsowell
Image Credits
images by Emily Vinson