We caught up with the brilliant and insightful Amy Cerny Vasterling a few weeks ago and have shared our conversation below.

Amy, thanks for joining us, excited to have you contributing your stories and insights. Let’s jump to the end – what do you want to be remembered for?

When it comes to legacy I hope to be remembered for changing how we think about psychology and as a catalyst facilitating the collapse of narcissism. It’s always hard to know your “PR” what people say about you when you’re not in the room. However, when we entertain legacy there is something romantic about it when in truth we didn’t have to see the struggle that took place to create that which is new. For me that was a big part of how I and I suspect many others with new ideas achieved an understanding of our respective work. It looks clean in the end but the process to get there is less than pretty and at points can be epically painful.

Awesome – so before we get into the rest of our questions, can you briefly introduce yourself to our readers.

Oddly or not, my career started without me knowing it. As a child, I had a keen ability to hear the core problem and sum it up for others, even adults. While this seems to lend itself nicely to psychology I didn’t head in that direction yet was very savvy at problem-solving in this area. At the same time, I was having intuitive experiences that would build over my lifetime but I did something differently with them. I challenged them instead of accepting them and by this, I learned how it works and the key foundational principles to this ability.

I knew as a child those around me followed a pattern of disconnection over the connection I and most humans yearn for. But why? This would go on to unleash for me why so many people today feel stuck. I not only found its cause but that most of us are living a life that is not our own and what is lost as a result.

I say stuck is the breakdown of who we aren’t caused by the constant paving over of who you are by well-meaning people who felt they “knew better for you.” They don’t and this didn’t sit well with me.

What came for me in 22 years of observationally researching how to collapse narcissism is we are part of something I call The “control” Model where we are told to at all costs be right.

The Model is fueled by the hierarchy using control by establishing there were no consequences for some and for others, the consequences were or are very high. If certain humans have no consequences a societal consequence is they never fully mature. Meaning they’re asserting control where they think they are asserting power. Because the model idealizes those at the top of the hierarchy this immaturity eventually became our society’s way of being and gone unchecked we accept the model is “the way things are.” It’s my observation we have not collectively matured emotionally past the age of around 16 years old. All of this leaves something I term our Personal Knowing paved over again and again leaving us confused, feeling far from ourselves, and shouldering a heavy burden we can feel but cannot easily see or articulate. The Model is the control we assert based on hiding or suppressing what is true about ourselves and posturing for a shred of false acceptance to prove our place in the hierarchy.

Personal Knowing is the action we take based on what is true about ourselves free of all forms of control. As a result, we feel inclined to heal our shadow or traumatized “parts” so we can most fully and uniquely self-express. My findings result in natural equality which means we follow what we know is true without often knowing how or why it’s true. Natural equality is free of judgment and emotion and offers one singular clarity, do they or does this expand one further into the truth of who they are?

Let’s talk about resilience next – do you have a story you can share with us?

I spent my life thinking “enduring” was living. Four times I’d endure epic and hard-won journies translating control into power in my life. Those recentered my trust and restored who I am. Once I was able to be honest I took a huge risk and cut loose from everything I’d known. I’m not a gambler but I am a risk taker. As a result after 18 years of sleeping poorly, I started sleeping well each night. I started meeting people who could help move me and my work forward. Interestingly while synchronicity started showing up in many ways I started meeting people who when I’d offer to connect them to a colleague who does similar work they’d already know them, personally. That floored me and told me the degrees of separation were narrowing.

All of this was a process and I’ll remind you as I had to remind myself over the years we’re not here to shape to fit others. We’re here to find where we truly fit and in today’s world that takes audacity to do it, to leave security and certainty so you can see the measure of who you truly are.

In hindsight, I could see I’d made each choice in my life perfectly to inform my work and my long-term happiness.

Learning and unlearning are both critical parts of growth – can you share a story of a time when you had to unlearn a lesson?

I had to unlearn the ways of disconnection and use my own process from my work to get back to the business of being me. When vulnerability is broken down the only thing left is fear and this was the case with many of my primary relationships. I didn’t feel safe and in several cases, I truly wasn’t. I had to reclaim my ability to trust others and myself. Judged as a smart, confident, capable person, I’d retracted from who I was, and while I knew I was a powerhouse I could no longer see in myself what others did. I moved through fear relearning to feel safe being vulnerable which moved me into self-expression. Then it was a deep journey with trust so I could reestablish my connection to a fulfilled state within being me.

Contact Info:

• Website: https://amyvasterling.com/
• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/amyvasterling/
• Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/amyintuitivepathfinder
• Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/amyvasterling/
• Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC7mt9Tbh8WHea060HoUyqfQ

Image Credits

Image 1, 3, 5 Roberto Callejas
2, 4 image Erin Latterel Burk