We’re excited to introduce you to the always interesting and insightful Amber Cauley. We hope you’ll enjoy our conversation with Amber below.

Hi Amber, thanks for joining us today. What’s been the most meaningful project you’ve worked on?

I created art through cancer treatment as a way to cope.

Great, appreciate you sharing that with us. Before we ask you to share more of your insights, can you take a moment to introduce yourself and how you got to where you are today to our readers.

I earned a BFA in painting from UNCG but have trained on each coast of the nation, plus an island, due to my husband’s military service. In route to my BFA I attended Windward Community College in Hawaii that was focused on traditional Italian Old Master techniques which included the inaugural year of Atelier Hawaii, and a robust, skill accelerating year at Laguna College of Art and Design in California. Upon the completion of my degree, I began teaching art in the public school system of a rural economically distressed county. I started in elementary art education and then moved to high school, where I currently teach in Jacksonville, NC.

Let’s talk about resilience next – do you have a story you can share with us?

It was the Friday of the first week of summer break and I was looking at myself in the mirror. I noticed that something was wrong with my right breast. When I raised my arm above my head, it was as if it was sitting on an invisible table. At the age of 39 it knocked the wind out of me and sent me on a whirlwind of a journey. Stumbling about trying to figure out my next steps, I eventually ended up half naked laying on a surgeons table being punctured in search of cells that had gone rogue. There were weeks of palpable tension awaiting the results. They were exactly what I expected that fateful Friday looking in the mirror, positive.
What followed was a full year of treatments: six months of chemotherapy, two surgeries, and thirty-six radiations, through it all art was an integral part of my healing process. The night before my first round of chemo I was filled with dread and nervous energy so I used that time to start a new painting and depart from the type of art I normally would make. I was trying to communicate my emotions through the paint instead of focusing on making a realistic representation. The painting sat unsatisfied and unfinished while I was mad at the world. The day before each chemo treatment I went to the beach so that I could inoculate myself from the harshness of chemotherapy. When I came home from the second beach trip, I knew what the painting needed to become, the abstract colors melded to become a wave that reminded me so much of the ocean that refreshed my spirit.

Every time I went to the beach, I carried my paints with me. At first, I would take a walk and then sit to paint, but I found that I wouldn’t have the energy for art making. I had to make a change, and started painting before the walk so that I would have strength to create. Painting outdoors in the fresh air and warm sunshine filled me with hope . It allowed me to find a flow state and forget about everything I was going through. It gave me time to focus on the beauty of nature and be able to reflect on how big God is. He created the salty air I breathed into my lungs, the ocean tide that churned and swirled around my feet, and the animals that once lived in the shells that were scattered along the innumerable grains of sand. The beauty that surrounded me was a visual love letter and I was compelled to paint it, capturing the healing properties of the beach and physically hold it in my hands.

At home I tried to document my experience by drawing self-portraits. If the landscapes were about internalizing the beauty around me then the self-portraits were about getting the terrible feelings that tormented me out. I struggled. I was overwhelmed as I sat in front of the mirror, looked at my bald head and my puffy face, now plagued by dry crackling skin and rosacea. The cost of treatment was high, and my body was paying the price. My drawings were not good, a reflection of my mental state. I don’t have many self-portraits from this period because it required staring into the face of someone I no longer recognized. There was one painting that I connected with that I painted in a book made for my husband. I painted myself in shades of green, there was something about changing my skin color that made my bald head and hot red skin not so scary. The little green Martian portrait turned out to be one that I remember fondly because it made me laugh and helped me to put distance between myself and the toll it was taking on my body. I also created a few pieces of my husband during that time. Documenting when he sat with me through chemo, carried my pink bag to treatments, and lovingly held my hand. I gave it to him as gift because I wanted him to know how much his support meant to me, not realizing in the future it would serve as a reminder of how our relationship has been strengthened through the experience.
Creating during treatments helped me process the pain, suffering, and anxiety of living with a cancer diagnosis. Art opened a dialogue with the Creator. It kept my heart soft towards God and my situation by filling my heart and mind with beauty and restoring my hope. Creating laid bare my painfully ugly feelings, stripping them of their power. It gave me the freedom to explore my thoughts and the courage to face the harshness of cancer. There is nothing sweeter than being able to be lost in the power of art.

Is there mission driving your creative journey?

Art is an excellent vehicle to process emotions, from what causes you discomfort to what makes your heart leap. Because of that I have a deep desire to make art and want create space for others to learn to love art. Teaching in the high school setting has opened my eyes to the importance of allowing people to come to art at their current skill level and then creating the environment for them to explore, experiment, and elevate their interests. Cultivating the love of art is key to nurturing inexperienced artists so that they can move on to the next level in which they develop their technical abilities. Pushing them to technical greatness out of the gate creates undue stress and sets the artists up for negative emotions towards making and can result in giving up the practice of creating. Beginning level classes should be about giving people a chance to dip their toes into the sea of art, designed to give them a chance to warm up to the idea that they are indeed an artist no matter their age.

There are many benefits to having the mind of an artist, art is an excellent vehicle to process emotions, from what causes you discomfort to what makes your heart leap. I hope to encourage others to use art to document their lives and use it to reflect on where they have been and help them to move forward. Part of that journey needs to address “imposter syndrome” which many artists, and those that wish to start creating art, suffer from. I struggled for many years with the title of artist, at what point is a person considered a true artist? Is it a certain level of technical prowess? Are all styles of art considered worthy of throwing you in the realm of an artist? Do I have to create work in the vein of the Italian Renaissance to be respected, or perhaps is that style out of fashion? Or maybe it boils down to the ability to sell your work? But what price point has to be met before one can be bestowed the mystical title of artist? There was an ever-moving ethereal standard that I had created that I felt I would never arrive at. Thankfully I eventually arrived! After a life alternating experience, I was able to embrace the title of artist and I am here to tell you that you can embrace it too!

Although cancer was rife with traumatic experiences it also came with valuable lessons, including the realization that being an artist is not about reaching an ambiguous pinnacle but rather it is a mindset, a desire fighting to get out, an inextricable part of my soul that is bound to my personhood. It is an innate trait that I believe we all share, As Pablo Picasso said, “Every child is an artist. The problem is how to remain an artist once we grow up.” I encourage you no matter what your skill level, or what you are going throw to start making and see the difference it can make.

Contact Info:

• Website: www.saltyamber.com
• Instagram: saltyamberart
• Facebook: saltyamberart