We were lucky to catch up with Allison Teicher-fahrbach recently and have shared our conversation below.
Allison, thanks for joining us, excited to have you contributing your stories and insights. Can you share an important lesson you learned in a prior job that’s helped you in your career afterwards?
Rejection is redirection. You won’t always get what you want, but that could mean that there is something better out there that is waiting for you. Sometimes someone saying “no” could be an opportunity for you to reflect on your experiences and reconsider what you are working towards. You may realize that, deep down inside, you were working towards something because it is what is expected of you, what others hope for you, or what you “should” receive. You really need to think about these questions: “What problem in the world do I want to solve? How can I solve it unlike anyone else?” You may realize that you hold a special power that no other person has. It could be how you view the world, how you engage with others, or how you create things.
I know that many people tell you to continue to work hard and good things will come to you, but sometimes you need to learn to reframe situations if you are not getting the results you want. You need to step back and look at things from a different perspective.
For many years, I was trying to get a certain project out of my imagination and into physical, tangible action. Upon explaining some of these ideas to a person who was close to me, it appeared that progress was happening. I was working day and night to make this project happen. I was working in my car at 5:00 A.M. on the daily, putting things together late into the night, and sometimes did not see the sun unless it was from an office window.
After much time and energy into what was being created (and I mean, YEARS), things did not go as planned. When this happened, I was upset at first. However, something dawned on me: Why, with so much planning, are things consistently hitting a wall?
So I decided to let go of certain expectations. I fully embraced that rejection is redirection. I recognized that certain people may appear to have your best interest in mind, but when it truly comes down to it, those people might be the ones preventing you from truly making magic happen.
So I let go.
And then, the phone calls started coming in.
The e-mails were flooding my inbox.
And I put my energy into being reflective; things were happening in a certain way, because they were preparing me for what was to come.
…and to say things changed for the better is an absolute understatement.
Awesome – so before we get into the rest of our questions, can you briefly introduce yourself to our readers.
For as long as I could remember, I always wanted to work in education. Enriching your own mind and the minds of others is a gift. Knowledge is something that can never be taken away from you.
After completing my undergraduate degree in education, I pursued different graduate and post-graduate learning experiences. Despite professional and personal challenges, I opted to keep moving forward in life and try my best to make my dreams a reality. I had to deal with several negative people who only wanted me around for what I could do and create, or what I symbolized.
When a challenging tragedy struck my family, I was asked, “What would you do if you stopped making excuses?” When I said I would go for my doctorate, I was asked why I wasn’t going for it already. Despite the multiple excuses I gave, there was no real reason stopping me. So I went for it.
I went to school full-time while working full-time, caring for my family, and waking up at 4:15 A.M. each day. I was reading in the car before work, writing and researching parts of my dissertation with my child on my lap, and doing what I could to make ends meet. Even when I was hit with certain rejections or negative circumstances, I reflected upon my situation and chose to look for the good in what was happening.
I accepted what I could do. I had to say no to things that did not align with my values. I ate the food that would make me feel better. I found support in those who would help elevate me, not those who would make me feel as if I was nothing or no one to be listened to.
I published multiple books and submitted my poems and writings in countless anthologies. There were rejections, but that did not stop me from revising my work and restructuring how I addressed situations.
Being rejected helped align me to where I was always meant to be. I know it, I feel it, and I acknowledge that the difficult moments in my life happened in order to help me get to where I am today.
For the rejections and redirections, I am forever grateful.
If you could go back, would you choose the same profession, specialty, etc.?
If I could go back in time, I would not change a thing. Though I have endured immense heartbreak, pain, negativity, darkness, and circumstances that I would never fully or openly discuss (at this point, at least). I would not change anything. If I changed any of what happened to me, I would not be who I am today.
One of the hardest things to swallow in life, whether in your personal or professional life, is that you may need to accept an apology you will never receive. Some individuals have seriously hurt others and acted in a way that should never be accepted or tolerated. Still, you have to learn to forgive. Forgiving yourself and others can be tricky, but it is necessary to move forward. This does not mean that you excuse their actions or what they did to you; instead, it helps you better understand that not all can move forward from the pain they experienced. Do not get trapped in pain. Do not succumb to the negativity in your life. Heal from it, and know that healing is done in increments. What hurts today may not hurt tomorrow, but it may hurt in years to come.
And that is okay.
Are there any books, videos or other content that you feel have meaningfully impacted your thinking?
The first time I picked up David Goggins’ Can’t Hurt Me, I devoured the book in days. I continued to go back and re-read it because so much of what was written reached me on a spiritual level. On one page, I read, “No one is going to come help you. No one’s coming to save you,” and it shook me. He was right. No one was coming to save me, so I had to save myself.
Many in my inner circle would support and be there for me, but I had to be the one to save myself. I had to pick myself up and encourage myself to be and do better. Nothing my partner, family, dear friends, colleagues, or mentors would do could actually “save” me.
I had to work hard, put my head down, and do more than just survive. I had to thrive. I had to thrive for all of the future people and plans I would encounter. And I am still working on that daily, you always have to work on yourself daily, but I did it. And I am still doing it each day.
You just have to go the distance. You really do. Sometimes the road is going to be a lot longer than expected… but you have to keep walking.
