We were lucky to catch up with Allison Duquette recently and have shared our conversation below.
Allison, appreciate you joining us today. We’re complete cheeseballs and so we love asking folks to share the most heartwarming moment from their career – do you have a touching moment you can share with us?
Being a psychotherapist can be one of the most rewarding careers, due to holding space for someone who is offering up their most vulnerable moments. The flip side of being an emotional support is also holding space for the heaviest of moments, thus draining our own emotional battery. Often times, when I start to feel the emotional fatigue, something happens that brings me back to the true beauty of this job.
As a teen experiencing depression and undiagnosed ADHD, I was put into therapy myself. The moments I most fondly remember are the times I talked about shoes with my therapist. Unbeknownst to me, she was building rapport and providing a safe space for me to ‘just be’, without the expectations and obligations that went with being that age. The longer I worked as a therapist, the more I understood the power of that experience and attempted to provide the same for my clients. A few years ago I found my former therapist on Psychology Today and sent her an email, reiterating the power of that experience and how that has encouraged and shaped me nearly 25 years later. She replied with delight that I had acknowledged how our work together has had a lasting impact, and as she was getting to the end of her career, feeling validated for knowing she made a difference.
Today, whenever I receive messages from former clients, I also feel that same delight. While there are days I get home from work exhausted and feeling helpless, I try to hold on to these memories. However, one memory stands out the most: sometimes I see my very first client, who was in the darkest place when we started working together, out and about living life. Most of the time I am driving, and they can’t see me, but it brings the biggest smile to my face!
Great, appreciate you sharing that with us. Before we ask you to share more of your insights, can you take a moment to introduce yourself and how you got to where you are today to our readers.
Hi, I’m Allison, thank you for taking the time to get to know me. My journey began long ago as a young person, when I began to understand the value of being a safe resource and grounded support for others. This has continued to show up for me in various ways throughout life, and that is what led me here today, to you. I have seen human capacity to overcome the unimaginable once we find acceptance, love, and compassion. We do not have to feel alone, unlovable, or helpless anymore. I know this because I’ve done this. I have also helped many others to discover their beauty as the complex and unique human beings that we are. This journey is hard, but it is not impossible. It takes courage and bravery, but the end result is a life free from the shackles of shame and stronger connection to ourselves.
When I entered into a career as a therapist after 13+ years in aviation, I had a clear understanding that my passion lies with individuals diagnosed with HIV, due to some close, personal connections. This was realized when I began my internship and subsequent full-time employment at the Phoenix Shanti Group. Through this work I have gained extensive knowledge in Substance Use Disorder treatment, complex trauma, and shame-resiliency. I have volunteered within and continue to be an active member of and fierce advocate for the LGBTQ+ community. I am a member of the Board of Directors for NAMI Valley of the Sun, an amazing organization that works to destigmatize mental illness and provide free resources and support groups for our community. Other personal, non-work related interests include Pixar movies, Dachshund anything ( Klaus-pictured), and foodie adventures.
It is very much an honor for me to share my time with clients who allow me the opportunity to remain a safe resource and a grounded support. I cannot possibly think of a more honorable gift than to earn someone else’s trust, and I thank you for that gift with respect, honor, and gratitude.
Other than training/knowledge, what do you think is most helpful for succeeding in your field?
One of the most helpful things in succeeding as a therapist is to do our own work. We are given the education, training, and practical experience, but nothing can prepare us for what it feels like to sit on the other side of the room. Regardless of what population we serve, our clients’ experiences will bring up our own unresolved emotional baggage. Without understanding our own triggers and shame defense mechanisms, we can unintentionally cause harm or break therapeutic rapport, which is certainly never our conscious intention. Being a therapist is a challenge at a human level, clients choose us based on who we are and our therapeutic style, which is often a reflection of our personality. When things go wrong, it will also affect us on the most human level, and as much as we may try, my experience has shown there is no way to truly compartmentalize my work and myself.
Learning and unlearning are both critical parts of growth – can you share a story of a time when you had to unlearn a lesson?
Growing up with depression, I learned how to mask my emotions and project a positive and happy demeanor. This coping mechanism served me very well as a flight attendant, as I was able to keep a smile on my face even in the most difficult situations. Without realizing it, I had reinforced a technique that had helped me significantly in life and leaned further into it. During my therapy internship, my supervisor noted that my facial expressions and my words didn’t align, leading to a perceived sense of inauthenticity. This shook my core, I had never had to confront my authenticity and I really didn’t want to. After years of my own therapy, I learned how to better match my mood and corresponding emotional affect, which meant unlearning something that had kept me emotionally safe, and putting myself out to the world as I really am. In hindsight, I am grateful for that observation, but honor the difficulty in unlearning something so automatic, creating more empathy for the clients I see as they go through similar processes of uncovering their authenticity.
Contact Info:
- Website: https://www.arenetherapy.com
