We were lucky to catch up with Allisha Minor-Gaines recently and have shared our conversation below.
Allisha, thanks for taking the time to share your stories with us today One deeply underappreciated facet of entrepreneurship is the kind of crazy stuff we have to deal with as business owners. Sometimes it’s crazy positive sometimes it’s crazy negative, but crazy experiences unite entrepreneurs regardless of industry. Can you share a crazy story with our readers?
I remember meeting with a couple who was struggling with issues surrounding being honest about their sexuality. Neither one of them had disclosed to the other their sexual history let alone what their preferences were due to fear of rejection. The same day, I had another couple where the wife wanted to disclose she was bisexual but struggled to walk in her truth out of fear her husband would divorce her or want to introduce other women into their marriage and then decide to leave her for the other woman. After completing both sessions, I sat with not only the issues they were facing but also resonating with their struggles in disclosing their sexuality to one another as well as all the people in their lives. In that moment, I reminisced on my interactions as a young woman coming out at the age of 18yrs old and telling the guy I was seeing I was a lesbian along with disclosing to my father and feeling rejected, dismissed, and shameful. This was the turning point in all my relationships following along with damaging my relationship with my father. Sitting in my office reflecting on this moment along with all the other issues I have faced that most of my couples were facing now that I counseled, I knew it was time for me to elevate in my business. In this moment, I recognized I needed to reach more couples to help them not only work through their issues but to be able to stand in their truth. I knew it was time to share my story surrounding my sexuality connected to my relationship experiences to help couples understand they can work through anything they face because I accomplished just that.
Awesome – so before we get into the rest of our questions, can you briefly introduce yourself to our readers.
My start in the psychology and social work field started for me around the age of 11yrs old from what I can remember. At this age, I was assisting my paternal grandmother and father in caring for my paternal grandfather with my cousin due to him having Alzheimer’s disease. Seeing how his mental health played into his inability to care for himself led me to have an interest in how the mind works. It wasn’t until my true dating experiences in my mid-20s led me to want to go into marriage and family therapy to help couples learn how to effectively navigate the issues in their relationships and create a healthy environment for their children. During this time, I was in a domestic partnership with a woman who legally adopted my daughter to raise her alongside with me. However, the moment I decided to end the relationship, she began to display toxic behaviors in addition to gradually abandoning my daughter by the time she turned 11yrs old. The turmoil from coparenting with her left my daughter and I frustrated, sad, and emotionally scared for years. It wasn’t until my daughter and I sought counseling from the emotional abuse we had endured prior to my ex-partner’s absence. As a Marriage & Family Therapist in private practice, I offer individual, couples, and family therapy. Seeing the need for additional support for couples that are not bound to ethical restrictions when doing therapy, I decided to create an extension of my practice to create a new business as a Relationship Coach & Speaker to be able to be my authentic self and share from my own personal story how to work through tough situations through a more direct and personable approach that is different from a therapist stance. As a Relationship Coach & Speaker, my goal is to offer online courses, inspiring content such as my new book that will be coming soon and offer merchandise that is motivating to helping couples to continue to work on their relationship issues.
In my new business, Allishaz Distractions LLC, I cater to a diverse range of customers, including couples in both straight and LGBTQ relationships who are seeking to enhance their relationships and marriages. I specifically cater to couples who are just starting their journey together, providing them with the necessary tools to navigate potential toxicity and conflict that may arise in their relationship. Additionally, I work with couples who want to improve their co-parenting skills, connect better when facing infertility, and achieve better work-life balance within their relationships.
What sets my business apart is my unique approach in addressing distractions and empowering couples to recognize their own behaviors, thoughts, and emotions including through their generational patterns that exist in their families. In today’s society, relationships and marriages are often undervalued, but I aim to restore the foundation and improve the way relationships and marriages are viewed and experienced. I believe that each couple’s relationship is unique and should be nurtured and cultivated to reach its fullest potential. Through my programs and coaching sessions, I guide couples in developing essential skills to foster better communication, resolve conflicts effectively, and create deeper connections with their partners. By equipping couples with these valuable insights, I believe they can proactively build healthier relationships and marriages that thrive in the long run.
I am most proud of the transition I have made from a marriage & family private practice to a relationship coach and speaking business. This transition will allow me to reach more couples and have a greater impact on their lives, relationships, and marriages. I am also proud to share my story and new term for my ethnicity to identify myself to a diverse range of couples. The combination of my personal experiences as an Afro-Native-Latina (woman of African America, Native American & Hispanic descent) who is a part of the LGBTQ community, along with my professional background as a marriage and family therapist, motivational speaker, and coach, allows me to offer a holistic approach to helping couples build and sustain healthy relationships. Drawing from my own journey and learnings, I deeply understand the significance of addressing one’s past and how this can shape behaviors and thinking. By incorporating both personal and professional perspectives, I am able to provide couples with a unique and comprehensive outlook that is inclusive and understanding of their diverse backgrounds and patterns they not only learned but have incorporated into their own existence including their relationships and marriages. Because of this, I am teaching couples not to hide, run, or mask their issues but rather stand in their truth through their awareness and ability to take accountability for change and growth to occur in their relationships and marriages.
Let’s talk about resilience next – do you have a story you can share with us?
In the therapy & counseling world, we are often told we will not make a lot of money so don’t even expect it. My last job expressed this same perspective while telling therapist who had a dual role as a case manager while being underpaid this was their worth. While working full-time and earning a $55,000 salary, I was working my private practice business part-time. My full-time job I was averaging 50-60 hours a week with no overtime after 40 hours while working my business 10-15 hours a week. I remember a male supervisor being hired over a more qualified woman at the job I was working at received a promotion to a director position. This not only showed us women who worked their that we were not valued enough for a raise but also that I would not advance in my career while working there. After doing some assessment of my own with my business and comparing it to what I was making at my full-time job, I realized I was earning more part-time in one week compared to three week’s worth of pay I was earning at my full-time job. I knew at that point I had to make a decision and step out on my own some way. I knew I had to find a way to trust in myself to grow and build my business not just for the money, but to be able to serve the clients I wanted and build a legacy for my family. Although speaking and coaching was not in the works yet, it was always a part of my plan when growing my private practice. Having the support of my partner now “Hersband”, gave me the push I needed to put in the hours to ensure I was secure enough to build and grow my business to be sustainable for my family and I. Although fear was a factor, it was my resilience and support of my partner that made me believe in myself to push through and quit my full-time job and start my business full-time. And now I can say that because of this moment, I am now a business owner of 2 businesses today.
What’s a lesson you had to unlearn and what’s the backstory?
The lesson I had to learn is that I am worthy of love despite my relationship failures, sexuality, upbringing, and generational patterns that exist in my family. The moment I disclosed my sexuality to my father, all I heard as a young adult was that I was going through a phase. Because of this statement, that means my father viewed as well as I all my relationships following were to be phases that would never be sustainable. Because my father did not believe in LGBTQ relationships let a lone the life style, this left me to question not only my sexuality but my whole existence in being with a woman including a relationships. While in relationships, I would question if that was were I was supposed to be because of being with a woman. In relationships, I would run and terminate the relationship if it became too serious all while wanting something long-term. But all I could hear in the back of my mind was my father saying I didn’t raise you to be like this when in fact he never talked about who I should be with. Despite my mother telling me and my younger brother often that she didn’t care who we dated as long as they treated us right, that voice of my dad still made me feel that I was unworthy of having a relationship of my own. Witnessing the men and women in my family and how they engaged or spoke about their engagements in relationships taught me also that I would not have a longstanding relationship. The women in my family took pride in “not needing a man” because they loved their independence and the ability to do things on their own. The women in my family learned to either accept abuse or walk away at the first sign of toxicity when engaged in relationships. Because of this, they believed they either were not worthy of being in a relationship or settle for being in the relationship they are in because they are not worthy of more. The men in my family learned that cheating and being abusive towards their women were healthy. Because of this, I learned how to live in secrecy not only with my sexuality but also the abuse I endured myself in relationships because this is how love was shown and I just wanted some of that despite the price I would pay for being in these situations short-term. These patterns in my family shaped the lessons and engagements I had in my relationships sending me a message that I am unworthy, I am not valued, and that I shouldn’t expect more. These lessons along with my marriage & family graduate program, helped me to process through these issues to unlearn them while bringing to awareness that these issues exist for me to have healthier relationships and marriage. Because of these lessons and experiences is why I want to help couples overcome these form of distractions that can hinder them from having healthy relationships and insight into their issues.
Contact Info:
- Website: https://www.allishazdistractions.com/
- Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/allishazdistractions/
- Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61557177950250
- Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/allisha-minor-gaines-m-a-mft-775355106/
- Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCdDU0iafMqKWgtpyHSiy1JQ
Image Credits
Katie Kang