We recently connected with Alina Lavrova and have shared our conversation below.

Alina, looking forward to hearing all of your stories today. Often the greatest growth and the biggest wins come right after a defeat. Other times the failure serves as a lesson that’s helpful later in your journey. We’d appreciate if you could open up about a time you’ve failed.

This story is based on my personal experience, and I would characterize it as follows: ‘Stay strong, darling, you are okay now and will always be okey’ It all began in Russia in the 2000s. It was a challenging time in the country; people worked hard, but most of them earned very little. My parents managed to start a business, and there was money in the family. My father was involved in entrepreneurship, and my mother, while participating in business processes, devoted her heart to art. Later, she opened an art gallery. The love for art was instilled in me by my mother since childhood, but it rather evoked a sense of aversion – I didn’t want to draw as she dreamed, but photography, on the other hand, greatly captivated me. My father had a hobby – photography. My childhood unfolded in such an atmosphere, and it was my father who gave me my first camera, noticing that I was adept at using it. He suggested taking courses, and at the age of 14, I found myself a student at one of the schools. By the age of 16-17, I was already taking orders from friends and had my own small blog. It seemed to me that photography was my entire life, and I wanted to dedicate myself to it completely! I tirelessly tried to create something in Photoshop, to photograph ordinary things in a way that conveyed mood and story. it was childish, bit very honest!

As the time for university admission approached, my parents confidently stated – you must take care of your future; being a photographer is not a profession but a whim. And so began our struggle – I insisted on my right to choose what I wanted to do, while they, well aware of the difficult times of the 1990s and 2000s, insisted on a ‘normal profession like a financier.’ By that time, I had already finished school (several years ahead of the program), and our relationships were deteriorating every day, both with each other and within the family. Loneliness crept into our home; I felt that if I betrayed myself, I would regret it for the rest of my life. In the end, I chose a university in Moscow, where I wanted to apply. We agreed that if I could get in on my own, they would accepted me. However, I didn’t get in – during the final preparation, it became clear that behind the beautiful facade was a far less pleasant truth – I was told that without a talent in fine art a have no chance to become a photographer (ha ha). It was new and only University with such program beck in that days in Russia, so not much of a choice where to study. At that moment, my parents were so tired of the war with each other and with me, that, without much deliberation and very unanimously, they decided – daughter, you are going to study in another country, do what you want since you are so ”smart” and disobedient. The choice fell on England. I easily enrolled in a College in Cambridge and, a few months later, arrived in a new life for myself.

Of coarse, my parents loved and cared for me very much, which sometimes felt suffocating, and finding myself without their supervision, I was initially intoxicated by the newfound freedom. I enjoyed living there, but I couldn’t understand when College would start teaching me what interested me – the history of photography, technical issues, business processes. None of this was part of the program – we built bridges from pasta, dressed dolls in sewn clothes, made cardboard houses, and ”developed our creative essence” in every possible way. There was a photography – but so simple and I have already known much and was 100% sure that I need photography more the, for example, fashion design or make up. But why everything goes so wrong?? I became disillusioned with my path. Inside, a sense of guilt began to awaken – maybe my parents were right? Maybe photography is not real thing? What am I doing here? It seems like I’m just wasting money… Unfortunately, my parents confirmed my fears enthusiastically . Their relationship also completely soured, and it seemed to me that I was to blame for everything. A classic plight of many children whose parents are heading for divorce. After college, I entered the university – the faculty was called ‘Modern Photography.’ I was full of hope that I could develop there! Anticipating ahead, I will say that in different countries, the style of education and the direction even within the same specialty will vary. What England offered (or what I was able to find, who knows?) in those years didn’t resonate with me, though at that time, I was unaware of it and blamed myself. While studying at the university, I became increasingly disappointed in myself, in people, in creativity. At that moment, everything coincided – my personal drama in my personal life ( very toxic relationship, he keep telling me I was nobody), my parents’ drama and divorce, disappointment in the profession. I sank into deep depression and lost all desire to live. I hoped not to wake up in the morning, but somehow I always did. It was a terrible time. By the end of the second year of my Bachelor’s degree, my parents finally divorced. I came home for the holidays, and my mother, who was very unwell at that time, alone at home, struggling with depression and anxiety, stole my passport. I only found out ten years later that she took it, not that I lost it… This completely undermined me. I ended up in the hospital, and the depression became more serious. I was consumed by guilt and shame. There was no talk of returning to creativity – after all, it was my passion for photography that had ruined my life and destroyed my parents’ lives – thats how I thought. It was the darkest time in my life. At some point, we were almost out of money, her Gallery didn’t went well, and I had to start working in a completely different field – I entered the beauty industry, eventually opened a salon, started teaching manicure courses, but all of this was to prove to my parents that I was good child. At that time, of course, I didn’t realize it, and it seemed to me that I was doing everything right and that I liked it a lot, that it was my true calling. I didn’t look towards photography – I was gripped by real panic attack.

A few years later, my mother suddenly died. She died in deep depression and loneliness. We never managed to find common ground for many reasons – neither of us were ready to dialogue and face each other rights and desires. This brought a new wave of depression upon me, and I started blaming myself for her death. If it weren’t for my husband, who supported me no matter what, I don’t know where I would be now. After these events, I finally admitted that I needed therapy and help. My condition significantly improved thanks to significant self-work and support. By 2022, when our country entered into conflict with a neighboring one,I was already more mental – stable. My Beauty business also was getting better and better by that time, but I have to close it, because of the new reality. My husband and I decided that it was better to weather this new stress away from the epicenter, and we started traveling. Eventually, we found ourselves in the United States. Coming here, I felt the desire to pick up the camera again. I was very scared! But perhaps the inner desire was ready to reveal itself to the world again. The decision was made to support ourselves – my husband started studying in the US, and I began photographing again. Incredibly, the world transformed! I began to meet amazing people, participate in unique projects, create stunning collaborations with different people across America! What used to cause panic and a desire to escape now brought joy, and the thrill woke up. It turns out I didn’t invent my talent for myself; it turns out people like my photos, and I can make a name for myself! I’m still getting used to this new feeling, and sometimes it’s scary, but I know I’m on the right path. Where this path will lead me – we’ll see in a few years!

In conclusion, I want to say – you may be scared, you may doubt, sometimes choose the wrong paths, but for yourself – keep going! We cannot be responsible for other adults, and they, too, sometimes make mistakes and always go their own way. And you – go your own way. Be true to yourself, true to your heart. And in life, there is not just one calling. You may like different things, directions, professions – everything has its time, it’s normal to choose, try, start, and quit. But – listen to your heart. It never lets you down.

Alina, before we move on to more of these sorts of questions, can you take some time to bring our readers up to speed on you and what you do?

I addressed many of these questions in the previous message, but here are some additional details. Horses have inspired me throughout my life. I owned several horses, but I rarely rode them; I preferred observing and interacting with them. Remarkable creatures! Now, being away from them, I miss the experience. I want to initiate projects involving horses. Their grace and the lines their bodies create fascinate me. Through static photographs, I aim to capture the fleeting movements, emotions, flight, lightness, and strength. I currently have several ideas, and I am preparing to bring them to fruition. It seems crucial to be attentive to oneself and to listen to what exactly within the profession sparks one’s interest. For example, photographing objects holds no appeal for me, but I thoroughly enjoy capturing animals. Photographing adults is more interesting to me than photographing children, while documentary photography holds a special place in my heart – sometimes I become so engrossed in observation and contemplation that I forget about the camera! The same applies to wildlife and nature. I might miss a shot simply by admiring the beauty. Is that a flaw? I don’t think so. The viewer sees the photograph, and the photographer lives their life.

I am currently open to new experiences – I eagerly participate in new projects, explore new directions, and engage with people of diverse professions. I want to try different things to discover my favorites. While I have a wealth of experience behind me, on the other hand, I feel like a beginner once again. It’s an intriguing feeling, and I like it. When invited to a project or when I gather like-minded individuals for my concept, I always give my utmost. The rest of the world seems to fade away when I hold the camera. Yet, I always strive not to lose track of time and to organize processes as comfortably as possible. I believe this is important because spending time and nerves on solving domestic tasks is not what one should focus on during a shoot.

Is there something you think non-creatives will struggle to understand about your journey as a creative?

This is a very intriguing question. I grew up in a family where there was a struggle between creativity and pragmatism. My response is centered on finding balance. It’s possible to be a businessperson deeply passionate about their work, bringing happiness to oneself and benefiting the world. Alternatively, one can enter business under coercion and never earn anything except burnout and apathy. Non-creative individuals find it challenging to understand that the heart can be drawn towards entirely non-obvious and sometimes strange directions, where there are no familiar “useful results.” Often, creative children born into families where there was no room for self-realization undergo severe moral turmoil. It’s a terrible tragedy, and I have encountered many such individuals who, after years, sometimes in a very venerable age, suddenly realize that their soul resides in music or art. They could have become tattoo artists or dancers, created headpieces, and written poetry, instead of being the “normal” managers their parents envisioned or life put them into.

I’m not saying that our families wish us harm! We love others as best as we can and with all our hearts. But I want to convey that if you feel the need to express emotions through creativity, if you believe you could create something – it’s never too late to try. It may not lead you to worldwide success, but it will undoubtedly lead to harmony with yourself and your inner world. There’s nothing more beautiful than a person in love with their craft, having found themselves – and then the distinctions between creativity blur. A doctor, philosopher, manager, or lawyer passionately engaged in their work are creators, pioneers of everything new in this world. They are virtuosos in their “non-creative” creativity. You may find yourself in an unexpected niche – and not just one, but several!

For you, what’s the most rewarding aspect of being a creative?

When I was just starting my journey, the most delightful outcome of my work was the enthusiastic feedback and praise from my family. It might sound childlike, but it is profoundly truthful. As I grew older and returned to the profession, money became a reward – it’s satisfying to feel secure and to know that my creative worth is highly appreciated by others, that my artistic opinions are not mere empty echoes. However, I pick up the camera not solely for monetary gain. If photographing were solely for profit, you could quickly burn out in this profession and become a mere craftsman rather than a creator. Nevertheless, I still find it challenging to ”sell” myself as a photographer; it’s always a compromise between “want” and “must.” What I truly relish is the sense of fullness when I gaze at a photograph and once again hear the sounds, smell the scents, feel the breeze, and recollect my emotions in that moment. It profoundly charges me for the journey ahead. These photos may not receive high accolades in competitions, but I see in them something that resonates deep within my soul, answering my own questions. Being alone with these emotions is also exceedingly important and precious to me.

Contact Info:

• Website: https://alinalavrova.com/
• Instagram: one.more.foto
• Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/alina-lavrova-83b09029/ru

Image Credits
Alina Lavrova photographer