We caught up with the brilliant and insightful Adria Dunbar a few weeks ago and have shared our conversation below.

Adria, thanks for joining us, excited to have you contributing your stories and insights. We’d love to start by getting your thoughts on what you are seeing as some the biggest trends emerging in your industry

Mental health and Wellness is having a moment right now in our society, particularly for professional women and moms. The pandemic really highlighted some of the challenges professional women are facing as they try to juggle careers and families, while maintaining their own mental health. For some women, therapy and counseling is a good fit for helping them navigate transitions and challenges that arise; however, some women are looking to elevate their lives outside of a therapy setting. In these instances, coaching may be a great fit. Sometimes it’s hard to know how to find a credible coach. Some counselors, like myself, are pivoting from a model that relies on health insurance and mental health diagnoses to embrace a coaching model that focuses on a specific niche of clients. For example, I work with professional women who are looking to rediscover joy and ease in their lives while helping them create the life they dream about. As a counselor who is also a coach, I highly recommend scheduling an initial consultation with several coaches with whom you may be interested in working. We are all very different and offer a wide variety of services like 1:1 sessions, online courses, coaching circles, or coaching retreats.

As always, we appreciate you sharing your insights and we’ve got a few more questions for you, but before we get to all of that can you take a minute to introduce yourself and give our readers some of your back background and context?

I’m a professor, wife, mom of three, and PTA president. Given the chance, I will always pop into a good barre class, go for a long walk with a friend, or head out on a date night with my husband. My life is full in all the best ways. I’ve learned how to fill my life with what matters most to me, while letting go of the rest. I’d love to help others do the same.

Although I’ve been a counselor and coach since 2004, Rethinking Balance is much newer, coming on the scene in 2020. Ours is a labor of love born from the experience of parenting two preschoolers and a newborn baby while working full time as a professor at NC State during the COVID-19 pandemic. Here’s my story:
In my 20s and early 30s, I was anti-planning. I almost said I was a “non-planner”, but that would be a lie. You don’t get a PhD in Counseling by being a non-planner. The truth is, I hadn’t needed to plan. I was a fantastic juggler, a perfectionist, and an over-achiever. And I was single, managing only myself. Whatever life, or grad school, threw my way, I could definitely handle it. Let’s take a moment of silence for that simple, straight-forward, predictable lifestyle. Ok, moving on. During my final year of grad school, I accepted a visiting faculty position, while working part-time as a school counselor, providing consulting services for a non-profit, writing federal grants, and finishing my dissertation, all while trying to maintain a social life outside of work! I was juggling multiple calendars, multiple email addresses, and even multiple phones. This level of busy went on for entirely too long, which led me straight to….burnout.
In 2013, I pulled the plug. I quit. I quit all of it. I had wrapped up some big projects and I was completely burned out. I quit my jobs, the email, and the calendars. I didn’t have a clear sense of what I wanted to do next but I knew I needed a change. I wanted to feel more in control of my time, to move at a slower pace, and to be more intentional about how I spent my energy. I pieced together a life that gave me a break from the busy. I transitioned to working as a therapist in a private practice, scheduling clients myself. I also taught a few courses at local universities, and became certified as a barre instructor. My life began to have some balance. I wasn’t full-time anywhere. I found freedom.
A few key life events occurred during this time, I met my soon-to-be husband, a good friend died of cancer, and my grandmother passed away. Oh, and I accepted a tenure-track assistant professor position at NC State. For the first time in my life, I held only ONE job. I wasn’t juggling school and work. I wasn’t working multiple part-time jobs. I had one job with an office and one email address. I was sure this was everything I had been looking for. Then I had a baby.
Baby #1 was born in 2015, followed closely by Baby #2 in 2016. I began to notice a few thoughts constantly running through my head. See if you can relate to any of these:

This all feels unmanageable. How do other people do this?

Maybe I can’t actually have it all, or maybe just not all at once.

How do I make room for myself when I barely have time to meet everyone else’s needs?

Then, in February 2020, we added Baby #3. Two weeks later the world shutdown. But by this point, I had leveled up my work/life balance game. And you know what didn’t happen? I didn’t lose sight of my goals or my intentions. Of course there were bumps, missteps, and moments of doubt, but overall I felt completely confident that I was focused on what mattered most. My intentions, values, and goals were in alignment. Amidst the chaos around me, I had found a center. All the work I had put into the previous four years held strong when everything shifted!

I’ve been in the business of helping people since 2004, when I first became a counselor, but my work now focuses less on mental health and more on helping people wanting to level up their work or their life, or sometimes the balance between the two. I’m excited to offer my coaching services to the local community in Durham, Chapel Hill, and Raleigh with in-person options available upon request. I offer coaching services online to those not in close geographic proximity.

We often hear about learning lessons – but just as important is unlearning lessons. Have you ever had to unlearn a lesson?

Well, it took me passing out in the bathroom floor in the middle of the night to finally give in to the idea that I just might be doing too much. The lesson I had to unlearn was that I could do it all myself. Something had to change.

Fast forward to the birth of our third baby in February 2020, and that entire experience that wasn’t what we expected. Within two weeks, the whole state, practically the country, was under a stay at home order. Our preschool closed so Cash (4) and Quinn (3) were at home with us while we were working from home. Playgrounds, museums, and stores were closed as well. We, of course, were incredibly grateful for our health, our home ,and our careers. We were so grateful for our community, our family, our friends, and our school family. We leaned into asking for help, while also coming together as a family. As tough as it was, I want to remember many of the lessons 2020 taught me…

I am stronger than I think but I could also use some help.

I require quiet space to recharge.

People are always the most important thing.

Gratitude affects my attitude in all the best ways

Some things just don’t matter and it’s ok to drop the ball.

I need more hugs than I thought

Juggling works best when I focus on one thing at a time

Some things require too much of my energy and need to be compartmentalized accordingly

I am more than what I do

Rest is critical

I need to do more of what makes me feel strong

What’s worked well for you in terms of a source for new clients?

Existing relationships. I feel so honored when people trust me as a counselor and a coach, and through that experience then also send others my way. It is truly the best compliment I could ever receive when people email or call and say, “I’m a friend of so and so, and I saw how much you helped them reach their goals.” I’ve worked with teachers who are thinking about leaving education, new teachers just entering the profession, single women who feel overwhelmed about starting families, moms with newborns who are adjusting to a new normal, moms of multiple children who are trying to keep up, and professional women who want to reconnect with joy outside of their work.

Contact Info:

• Website: www.rethinkingbalance.com
• Instagram: @rethinkingbalance
• Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/rethinkingbalance
• Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/adria-dunbar-phd-b329443a/

Image Credits
Cornell Watson