Today we’d like to introduce you to Jalene E. Murphy.

Hi Jalene E., it’s an honor to have you on the platform. Thanks for taking the time to share your story with us – to start maybe you can share some of your backstory with our readers?

Hi! I am Jalene E. Murphy. I am the author of Modern Day Courage.

I grew up in a sheltered household with my Catholic parents and 5 siblings on the Prairies of Canada. My Dad was a teacher and my Mom was a professional league stay-at-home parent. I grew up in a Catholic household; attended Catholic school, and attended church each Sunday. I married my very loving husband at 24 years old in the Catholic church. Through our marriage journey, I left the Catholic church and became more comfortable in my body and my curiosity about sex grew. Since I had only slept with the man I married, my husband gave me consent to have an extramarital sexual encounter with another man. I learned about different forms of sexual touch. It illuminated how much tip-toeing I did around sexual pleasure and how disconnected I grew up from my body thanks to the teachings of the Church.

I was surprised at 30 when my curiosity about having a sexual encounter with a woman blossomed. Within our marriage, we supported each other’s quests for growth and agreed I could pursue this experience if the opportunity arose during my 30th birthday trip with my best friend.
On the Turkish coast, I met a woman. She was intriguing, with thick jet-black hair and curvy hips. I was on a tour without the privacy of a solo room, so I ended up loving her in the hostel changing room, where the connection ignited a whirlwind for me. Despite my deep love for my husband, these tender and sensual moments in a foreign land felt like I was coming home for the first time.

I struggled to understand what it meant. I didn’t feel gay; I identified as straight, but this hostel-change-room-romance altered my world and challenged me to my core. Sex with a woman felt like a more inclusive experience.

I returned to Canada and swept those feelings aside by returning to the safety of my marriage. My husband did his best to comfort me, I carried on, still in love with him, though the longing never subsided.

Fast-forward two years, and I can’t stop thinking about the Turkish girl. One night, I watched The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel, a movie about lost love, and put on my Sherlock Holmes hat to track her down. With just her first name and the industry she worked in, I searched online until I discovered a blog with her name on it. I emailed her to see if she was the woman I met on the Turkish coast. Bingo! She confirmed she was.

After five months of exchanging emails with her, my husband put me on a plane to Istanbul. I was nervous to see her again as so much time had passed – wondering if she liked me as much as I loved her. I was curious if I made an impact on her as she did on me. Did she see me in her life the way I saw her in my life? Loving her in a hotel room was spellbinding and left me wanting more.

The morning I woke up beside her, curled into and held her while listening to the Islamic call to prayer – I prayed to hold onto her…. longer.

On that trip to Istanbul, I turned 33.

Finally, at 38—admitting I wasn’t happy and agonizing over whether I should stay married—I found myself on a beach in Kelowna. It was there, amidst the golden sands, as I checked out both men and the women, that I had that epiphany: I am attracted to women! The realization struck me like a lightning bolt—it is not just this one woman in Turkey.

As this all started to unravel, floating me into an identity unknown – I didn’t think I was totally straight, but am I gay, or am I bisexual?

The ambiguity was agonizing.

Once I came to terms with the fact that I didn’t belong in my marriage, I had to be courageous and ask my husband, the man I loved deeply and who stood by my side through so much, for a divorce. I had to break his heart, and in turn, I knew I would lose my best friend. I had to find out WHO I WAS and work through the fear of coming out to my Catholic family. I had to embrace my true identity.

At 40 years old, after I had signed the divorce papers, I spent a night with a woman which confirmed I had made the right decision.

This is one aspect of the story captured in Modern Day Courage.

We all face challenges, but looking back would you describe it as a relatively smooth road?

It has not been a smooth road but it has lead to living a meaningful and authentic life. I like the quote from Mark Nepos: There are no wrong turns, only unexpected paths.
I have learnt how to unconditionally love and accept myself and to embrace my sexuality.
I have overcome trauma, lived through a divorce, left religion completely, survived the guilt and shame from my Catholic upbringing and have put perfectionism in it’s place.

Alright, so let’s switch gears a bit and talk business. What should we know about your work?

I am the author of Modern Day Courage and Personal Courage ACTivist. I am getting into public speaking about the power of courage.
Using courage has changed my life profoundly – I personally took the hard steps and now want to guide and inspire others to do the same.

What was your favorite childhood memory?

Anything in nature ! I loved long days out in bare feet, in gardens and in forests.

Contact Info:

• Website: https://www.jalenemurphy.com
• Instagram: @jalenemurphy
• Facebook: Jalene E. Murphy
• LinkedIn: Jalene E. Murphy

Image Credits

Jon Rode https://jonrode.com/