We recently connected with Stephanie Litman and have shared our conversation below.

Stephanie, thanks for joining us, excited to have you contributing your stories and insights. Can you tell us the backstory behind how you came up with the idea?

This is the story I never planned on writing, but here we are….

I’m Stephanie, a recently widowed, single mom of two rambunctious, perfect toddlers, and just stepped foot into my 30’s and to top it off, I lost my career job four short months after my husband gained his angel wings. I decided our story was worth sharing, and maybe along the way it could reach someone that needs the kind of support that I was given on my darkest days, so in May 2023, I officially launched my blog; Writings From a Widow.

This is my story of the grief that consumes me but will not overcome the life we always planned on living, and how I’m navigating through a life I never would of expected having.

As always, we appreciate you sharing your insights and we’ve got a few more questions for you, but before we get to all of that can you take a minute to introduce yourself and give our readers some of your back background and context?

Here’s our story; I lost my soulmate, Matt in August 2022, after what felt like an extremely long but short 18 month battle with a very rare cancer.

Matt and I grew into adulthood together. We met when we had both just turned 21 in August in 2014 at Arizona State University. I was a leasing consultant at a student housing property and Matt was signing his lease. The moment I saw him sitting there in his royal blue shirt, his dark as night black hair, and his big green eyes as warm and welcoming as spring time, something in my soul was drawn to him, and at that moment I knew I needed him in my life. 

We were in love in a few short weeks and living together by November, three short months after we had met, people thought we were crazy, & we were, but when you know, you know. We had a whirlwind romance, it was better than what the fairytales told me as a little girl. He asked, and I said YES, in May 2015. I finished school and graduated with my Bachelors of Science in May 2016, and started with my career company that same month. Matt was accepted into the Northern Arizona Police Academy, where he then became a Police Officer in December 2016. It was his dream job.

We “Got Hitched” in October of 2016, one of the best days of our lives. The following years were so fufilling. We brought two beautiful boys into this world, one, during the pandemic. That’s a story for another time. There were so many unknowns in the world at that time, Matt worked through the pandemic, the riots and all the disgust that the world was throwing around. I never knew how much I would appreciate those months we spent at home together while both on paternity leave, the world was array and in shambles, and we were living blissfully and isolated in our home as a family of four. We moved fast, but in hindsight we moved at the exact pace we were supposed to.

When the world started opening again, is when our world came crashing down. Matt started having upper back pain in January 2021, We thought nothing of it, until he started to lose movement in his left hand, it proceeded and continued to effect his everyday life. On February 10th, 2021 his MRI results came in, and they found a mass in his spinal cord, at the time they thought it was operable. Matt woke up on February 19th feeling very weird that morning, by the time he walked from our bed to the top of the stairs, he was no longer able to walk. I called the neighbors who have now become family, to help me carry him to the car, I rushed him to the hospital and he went into emergency surgery. THIS. This was the second absolute worst day of our lives, the first was the day he took his last breathe.

We were informed it wasn’t the kind of tumor the doctor had hoped for, but instead, it was a very aggressive form of cancer. He became a paraplegic overnight, and as his cancer progressed and spread to his brain over the next few months, he became a full quadriplegic. At this time our boys were only ten months & two years old.

To say this journey was earth shattering is an understatement, there really are no words to describe the feeling of watching your other half, soulmate, and best part of you slowly decay and lose every part of themselves.

August 31, 2022 I held Matt in my arms as he took his last breath. The absolute worst day of my life.

After Matt had passed, I lost my career position four short months later. I was at the absolute lowest point in my life. That’s when I started throwing around the idea of writing a book or starting a blog. I didn’t really know where to go at this point in time, but my heart kept pulling me to writing, and connecting with others in similar situations to ours.

I read somewhere once that your grief is as big as your love, so in a way, I’m comforted by the vast amount of grief I carry daily, because it validates how true and strong our love was, and I will hold onto that until my last breath.

So here we are, I officially launched my “Writings From a Widow” blog in May 2023. I decided our story was worth sharing, in hopes that just maybe, it could help someone else along the way. Since launching, I have connected with some amazing women in similar situations to mine, we are bonded by tragedy, but have built beautiful relationships and support systems for one another. And THIS is exactly why I am doing what I am doing. This is right where I am supposed to be. 

This is my very, unpredicted story I never planned on writing. I will be honest, transparent and as real as I can, as I navigate through this path of life we have been dealt, some days will be messy and hard, but other days will be beautiful and those are the days that make life worth living. “Life is hard, you just have to be tougher than it” -MDL

Can you share a story from your journey that illustrates your resilience?

If widowhood has taught me anything, it’s just how resilient I actually am. I’ve realized, yes, my life is tragic, but it’s also glorious, messy, real, raw, and perfectly imperfect, and I’m thankful it’s mine.

If I take a step back and look at my life as if it wasn’t mine, I am so proud of the woman in the leading role.. She has dealt with the unimaginable in the past 2 1/2 years, she lost her father unexpectedly, watched her husband be ripped of evey part of himself, and still managed to keep life as “normal” as possible for her babies. She has walked through hell while staying true to who she is, she’s never given up, even on the days that broke her, she continues to show up for her kids, her family and friends. She hasn’t let the loss of her better half darken her world, even though we all know it has.. She created new dreams, followed them and has achieved them, all in one short year of losing her husband. She is a beautiful being, that radiates resilience, and has a life full of organized chaos. She’s managed to build up a platform that’s helping other women cope in similar situations, and even though our “thing in common” is tragic, the relationships that have been built along the way are strong, supportive, and tragically beautiful.

I could cry just writing this, because I’m realizing just how far I’ve come and how strong I’ve been and if I could teach my kids anything, or anyone for that matter, it’s just to NEVER GIVE UP; “life’s hard, you just have to be tougher than it”, the storms will come and go throughout life, some bigger than others, but the brighter days always appear, you just have to weather out the storm and focus on the magic.

Is there a particular goal or mission driving your creative journey?

Launching my blog has given me a purpose aside from being a mother, which is by far my biggest reason “why” and drive behind all that I do, I am so blessed and thankful to be a momma. But it has given me an outlet to process my grief, and connect with other mommas going through similar life paths. The biggest drive to share my story was in hopes that I could connect with other women or even men going through similar grief journeys.

We were offered so much support during Matt’s war with cancer, and it continued after he passed, and I felt the want to give back and offer support in the same ways we were shown. My ultimate goal is create a community, and a safe space for people to open up, and feel supported, but in a very real, raw, “non- clinical” setting. I want to “normalize” the ups and downs of grief, and for people to know this is a very tumultuous and messy journey and they don’t have to navigate it alone.

After all, life’s hard, you just have to be tougher than it.

Contact Info:

• Website: www.writingsfromawidow.com
• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/writingsfromawidow/
• Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/stephanielitman/

Image Credits
The image of my husband & I (back and white)- was taken by Haili McCance with Rendered Photo, The image of the family of four, I am in a “cheetah” print top, my husband is in a wheel chair and the boys are in polos- was taken by Haili McCance with Rendered Photo