Alright – so today we’ve got the honor of introducing you to Mercedes Ibarra. We think you’ll enjoy our conversation, we’ve shared it below.
Mercedes, looking forward to hearing all of your stories today. Everyone has crazy stuff happen to them, but often small business owners and creatives, artists and others who are doing something off the beaten path are often hit with things (positive or negative) that are so out there, so unpredictable and unexpected. Can you share a crazy story from your journey?
The craziest thing that has happened to me in my businesses. I have a crazy story for each role–as a Flamenco dancer and as a Wedding Officiant–and although each story is very different, I think you’ll appreciate how they’re related.
Back in 2010 or so, I was gigging at a restaurant on the Westside of L.A. that had a regular Flamenco dinner show. The stage was not a permanent, raised stage, but instead we put some wooden boards down to create a Flamenco dance floor for us to tap on. We had a male guitarist/singer, a cajón percussionist, a male dancer, and me as the female dancer.
I was dancing my solo number, a “soleá por bulerías,” which is a more somber, angry number, usually about heartbreak, betrayal, you get the idea. I was wearing a very typical costume–a long black, ruffled skirt that almost touched the floor, a white button-down shirt with long sleeves, a black vest, and a burgundy neckerchief to match my burgundy shoes. It’s a look that goes well with that number.
Given the mood of my dance and my costume, I was not expecting what came next.
Flamenco solos usually have a structure. You have a very dynamic opening, often full of rapid-fire footwork, then a couple of “letras,” where the singer takes over and you interpret their singing, and then there is usually a build-up to a climactic close before you start a longer heelwork section, followed by a build-up to the ending, which is faster than the rest of the number.
Well, I had done my two very intense, very mournful “letras,” then built up the pace to my rapid heelwork to a close before my main heelwork section. When I closed, the audience as expected, clapped, shouted, and the like. I was about to signal the musicians for the start of my heelwork, when an obviously drunk man rose from his table in the back, walked up to our dance floor, walked onto the dance floor, and said, “alright, you’re coming with me, as he put an arm around my waist and tried dragging me off the stage.
I was like a deer in headlights, and for a moment, so was the rest of the restaurant. The moment was like a record-scratch. You could hear crickets, it was so silent, except for the man who was trying to drag me away. Finally, after a few seconds of what felt like forever, our guitarist stood up, stomped one foot on the ground, and shouted, “hey!” Luckily, that one moment snapped the customer out of whatever headspace he was in and he let me go and ran off the stage. We then proceeded with the show because as you know, “the show must go on.” We had an audience and a restaurant owner who wanted a great show.
This story is particularly dramatic, but it isn’t my only story like this one. I talked about this with one of my mentors and she told me, “Yes, although we dress conservatively, Flamenco is sensual enough, that some men react as if you owe them a lap dance. It’s par for the course.”
Now, the craziest thing that has happened to me as a wedding officiant also has to do with sexist behavior, but this time coming from another woman. Most of my couples are Latinx, spiritual but not religious, but have parents who are religious and may be upset that their kids are not getting married in the church. My goal for these couples is to create a ceremony that reflects the couple’s sense of spirituality while still making the parents feel welcome and considered.
Last year I was doing a wedding for just such a couple. They asked me to wear my ministerial robes so that I looked more “official” for their parents. The groom had warned me that his mother in particular, was upset about them not being married in the church.
We were at a venue where the ceremony was set up in one room and the reception was set up in the room next door. The wedding party and I were waiting in the reception room. I was near the bar area, looking over my script, dressed in my long black robe, with a white stole embroidered with gold rings, a silver dove, and a gold cross. Suddenly, I notice the groom’s mother storm over in my direction, but instead of talking to me, she started to reach over the bar to grab a bottle of Tequila. The bartender was not yet there and most of the alcohol was still shrink wrapped. She was struggling with unwrapping and opening the tequila bottle. The groom came over and pleaded with his mother to leave the bottle alone, and she responds, in Spanish,
‘Primero dices que no te casas en la iglesia, y ahora quieres que yo me traga ESO!’
“First you say that you’re not getting married in the church, and now you want me to swallow THAT.” As she says, “THAT” she waves her hand in my direction.
It turned out she was upset that I was a woman. To her, clergy are not women. I believe she assumed I was white and didn’t speak Spanish, so she didn’t think I knew what she was saying. I continued to mind my own business because I knew that if I got involved, it would only escalate things.
Then I performed the ceremony in both English and Spanish.
The beautiful thing is that her friends and family members kept coming up to me telling me to ignore her reaction to me, that I had done a beautiful job, and I was asked for my card several times.
The couple was happy with the ceremony itself, but I knew the poor groom was flustered.
Anyway, I share these two stories to show that we women entrepreneurs often deal with this additional challenge we know as sexism and misogyny, and we have to handle ourselves extra carefully and professionally in order to make our clients happy, when we rightfully would want to call someone out right in the moment. I really think it’s important to share these kinds of stories so that there is more awareness on what women are facing when sharing their art or operating in the business world.
Great, appreciate you sharing that with us. Before we ask you to share more of your insights, can you take a moment to introduce yourself and how you got to where you are today to our readers.
In Flamenco, I am a professional dancer, teacher, choreographer, and teaching artist. I started taking Flamenco classes when I was a Freshman at UCLA in 1995.
After dancing in two different Los Angeles Flamenco companies, I eventually left to train in Spain, from 2005 through 2008, and even got to perform at a Madrid venue towards the end of my time there.
When I returned to Los Angeles, I started teaching studio classes. In 2016 I was hired to teach Flamenco to 7th through 12th graders in the Ballet Folklorico Conservatory at the Orange County School of the Arts, where I am still a member for the faculty.
During that time, I was dancing as a member of Sakai Flamenco, directed by my mentor, Linda “La Matadora” Andrade. When she decided to move away from Los Angeles in 2019, she groomed me to take over as the director of the group.
Thanks to this promotion, I took over Linda’s work as a Teaching Artist for the Music Center of Los Angeles, and for Los Angeles Arts Organization. I teach 10-week workshops for elementary school children and I also put on performances for school assemblies and community events with my group Sakai Flamenco in collaboration with the Music Center of Los Angeles. I am very fortunate.
Besides this, I still do local Spanish restaurant gigs, private events, and theater performances and I lead workshops at local colleges and universities.
Sakai Flamenco, and I, are dedicated to teaching and performing authentic Gitano-style Flamenco, which includes teaching about Flamenco and Gitano culture and history as well. I have been told that I am a patient and kind, but demanding teacher who makes the classes fun and challenging for my students. As a performer, I am known for my emotion as much as for my feminine, yet powerful technique.
As the owner of Rev. Mercy Ceremonies, I create beautiful, unique ceremonies that honor your sense of spirituality while still respecting your family’s traditions, and I do so in both English and Spanish. Such ceremonies include weddings, baby and child blessings, quinceañeras, maiden to mother ceremonies, life celebrations and funerals, and more.
I began my business in 2017, after graduating from One Spirit Interfaith Seminary in 2016. At seminary, which was a two-year program, I studied the texts and practices of most of the world’s major religions, and I learned how to create ceremony and ritual from different life events, as well as how to provide spiritual counseling.
Most of my clients are Latinx and spiritual rather than religious. They come from families who are religious and are somewhat disappointed that their kids are not getting married in the church. I work with couples to create a beautiful ceremony that reflects their views and their love story, while still making their families feel welcome and considered, whether it be through providing a bilingual ceremony (or a ceremony completely in Spanish), or performing a ceremony that feels just as sacred as a traditional ceremony, or both.
Can you share a story from your journey that illustrates your resilience?
Honestly, it isn’t just one story. I demonstrate my resilience every day. I have Lupus, an auto-immune condition, where my immune system confuses my own body with intruders, so it attacks my organs. I was diagnosed in 2015, 20 years into my Flamenco career. As you can imagine, this has been extremely difficult as a dancer. Believe it or not, I actually use a cane to get around, even though I’m still dancing. My legs are often either fatigued or in pain. I absolutely need the cane to climb up and down stairs and inclines. I even sometimes need it when I’m teaching class.
It also affects my work as an officiant. I am usually standing for 30 minutes or more, often in the sun (people with Lupus can get sick from sunlight as well).
I still do my work because I love what I do. I often tell people that I will stop dancing when it starts to hurt more than I love it. I just don’t see that coming though. Instead, I’m learning first-hand what we say about Flamenco–it’s like a fine wine; it gets better with age. Flamenco is very improvisatory and because Flamenco is also emotional, having more life experience helps with the emotion you need in the dance just as much as any technique. I’m learning to listen to my body while I dance and I am often telling that story of resilience in my dances. There is always the struggle that you overcome and the catharsis at the end. I feel like I can easily tell that story every time I get onstage. And like I said, I leave the stage more in love than in pain.
Do you think there is something that non-creatives might struggle to understand about your journey as a creative? Maybe you can shed some light?
I was just talking about this with a fellow creative. We were both laughing and saying that we must be crazy. I know that another factor towards my resilience is that I have followed my creative paths to the consternation of my parents. Everything I have chosen to do has gone against everything they ever wanted me to do. As immigrant parents, they wanted me to become a lawyer or a doctor because that meant lots of money and security.
Instead I’ve become this bohemian, Flamenco-dancing, witch-priestess person they are making peace with, but still don’t understand. And here’s what I say to my parents and other non-creatives to explain why I am the way I am.
I grew up dancing and writing from the time I was a small child. It was just innate. I don’t know where those desires came from, but they just did. Nothing makes me feel more alive and more at one with the universe than doing my art, whether it’s creating a dance, or creating a ceremony.
In my early 20s, and even my mid-30s when I returned from Spain, I tried to work office jobs and make the dance a passionate hobby. It was not enough. I felt like I was dying every day I walked into each office that I worked in, a sort of slow death like if someone was killing me by little pin-pricks. I made a lot more money with one of my jobs in my 20s than I do now as an artist and entrepreneur, but I am a thousand times happier now than I ever was then and it is all because I am finally in a place where I only work doing what I love.
I think if you have an artist or creative in your life, please honor who they are by letting them express themselves the way they want to, because they NEED to. You do a lot of damage to young creatives when you do not see them for who they really are. Not only does it hurt them emotionally because you aren’t really respecting their truth, but you may be doing long-term career damage as well because there are opportunities they can’t take advantage of if they are not in the right place at the right time. You can only be there when you’ve been fully dedicated towards progress in your creative endeavors.
Contact Info:
- Website: www.revmercyceremonies.com
- Instagram: @rev.mercy.ceremonies and @merche.de.losangeles
- Facebook: @RevMercyIbarra
Image Credits
Flamenco Photos: Tara Stewart Photography, Sari Makki Photography, and Monk Turner for the Music Center of Los Angeles Wedding Photos: Orellana Photography, Owen Captures Photography, This Modern Romance Photography, and Jenn Spain Photography