We were lucky to catch up with Julie Burke recently and have shared our conversation below.
Hi Julie , thanks for joining us today. Who is your hero and why? What lessons have you learned from them and how have they influenced your journey?
When I first looked at this question, I had two people in mind (who I will write about below) & then immediately thought to myself, “what exactly IS a hero?” Naturally, I googled the word hero and was greeted with this definition: “a person who is admired or idealized for courage, outstanding achievements, or noble qualities”-which confirmed who I most admire and who I would say my heroes are.
The first person that came to mind is Fred Rogers…you know, the one from Mr. Rogers’ Neighborhood. I don’t doubt that I watched Mr. Rogers’ Neighborhood, but it wasn’t until 2018 that I really understood what a wonderful, special human he was. In 2018, the documentary about his life “Won’t You Be My Neighbor?” debuted in theaters. A friend of mine (who is also a therapist) asked if I had any interest in seeing the movie. Honestly, I could have gone either way with seeing it, however, we ultimately decided to have a friend date one afternoon and saw the movie together. I don’t think I have the right words to describe how emotional I was watching the documentary, however, to date, I have not cried as much in a movie as I did during his. There was a particular scene (about halfway through the film) that got the tears flowing and they didn’t stop until well after the end of the movie. In fact, I was crying SO much that the person (a very kind stranger) handed me tissues and later told me she realized I needed them more than she did. The movie was not a sad one by any means; I wasn’t crying tears of sadness or longing or nostalgia. Rather, I was crying tears of overwhelm because it was difficult, at best, for me to understand how someone had such a capacity for authentic, beautiful love for ALL people no matter what. Mr. Rogers completely embodied curiosity, unconditional love, and genuine interest in all people & all backgrounds…just because that’s who he was at his core.
In no capacity am I perfect. I pass judgment on people, make assumptions, and make mistakes. I’m human, after all. And I suppose I’m not trying to imply Fred Rogers was perfect…I don’t doubt he did the same in his own way. AND he has influenced my journey in personal and professional ways because my hope & goal (in many ways) is to embody his sense of curiosity, love, and interest in the people I Interact with. I once taught a student who coined the concept “5-minute friend”. She believed you could learn anything about anyone if you wanted to…you just had to lean into learning about them & wanting to make a 5-minute friend. Personally, I try to make 5-minute friends (admittedly, this is something I need to work on). Professionally, I have been told (by more than one person) that I am one of the most validating people they have ever met. As a therapist, validating someone’s experience and seeing them…TRULY seeing them and honoring people’s experiences is an invaluable way to see them and directly (and indirectly) tell them: you matter…your story matters…and how you feel is valid. My role as a therapist does not revolve ONLY around validation…it requires challenging people’s thoughts, encouraging new patterns of behavior, allowing permission (and giving space) for vulnerability…and about a million other things I can’t quite put into words here. AND I do try to approach my professional relationships with the way I think Mr. Rogers’ would (and could) if he were alive today.
Mr. Rogers’ favorite number was 143, which was code for “I love you” (and it correlated to the number of letters in each word). To embody what 143 meant to him, he stated, “Imagine what our real neighborhoods would be like if each of us offered, as a matter of course, just one kind word to another person.” In an effort to remember this way of life and to channel my inner Mr. Rogers, I had a tattoo on my ankle of a cloud raining hearts into the number 143.
My second hero that came to mind is Cheryl Strayed. I first learned about Cheryl Strayed in early 2015…another introduction via movie. I went to see the movie Wild (which is based on Strayed’s memoir, which is also titled Wild). While this wildly (ha…I promise that isn’t intended to be a play on words) minimizes many of her experiences…in short, the book & story share her story about losing her mom quickly & unexpectedly, losing control over his life (as a result of complicated grief) & making destructive decisions as a result, then making the decision to hike part of the Pacific Crest Trail to reclaim her life and navigate who she was (and needed to be). While I have not had experiences quite as intense or extreme as Cheryl Strayed (and quite frankly, I hope I never do), I admire her authenticity, candidness, and tenacity.
Cheryl Strayed has another book that I love dearly titled “Tiny Beautiful Things”. This is a culmination of advice column letters she received and the replies she sent back to people. Reading these letters have helped me navigate breakups (ones that needed to happen & ones that I was devastated about), allowed me to navigate what authenticity looks like in my life in my personal relationships, and has helped me share some of my story with others without shame. Professionally, I have shared her story (or even some of the letters from Tiny Beautiful Things) with clients I work with to help people feel less alone and know there is common humanity and shared experience in their lives.
Similarly, the last words in “Wild” are “how wild it was to let it be”. I have this quote tattooed on part of my left arm…it’s a reminder that letting things be, while easier said than done, can be a beautiful gift to give yourself and often can feel a little (or a lot) wild to do.
Julie , love having you share your insights with us. Before we ask you more questions, maybe you can take a moment to introduce yourself to our readers who might have missed our earlier conversations?
I am the owner & therapist of Violet Crown Therapy–a private practice in Austin, Texas (although I am able to work, virtually, with clients all over the state). At the core of what I do, I work with people to navigate what vulnerability & connection looks and feels like for them; this may (or may not) include connection with themselves, the community around them, the relationships in their lives, etc. No pressure, right? While I may be biased, being a therapist is probably one of the most special jobs that a person can have. I am the person people reach out to if they need extra support or want to celebrate wins with or cry to when they experience grief (and SO many other things). I get to witness people’s vulnerabilities and see people grow and learn how to advocate for themselves and navigate what their needs are. I know everyone is different (and I’m not claiming to be better than anyone in stating this)–however, I think about my clients outside of our therapy sessions and it’s fueled by my genuine care for the people I am lucky enough to work with and be let in to their lives. Sometimes it’s a meme, other times it’s a song, or a plant…or literally anything (and everything) between…but truly. I do think of people and that also feels special. I think it shows that I picked a career that is ultimately what I was meant to do.
A little bit about Violet Crown Therapy…in August 2023, I will have been a private practice business owner for 3 years! Wow. What a delight & honor & accomplishment. I have been a therapist for over 7 years now and have had experiences working with a wide variety of people–anywhere from kids (I think I worked with a few 4-5 year olds…ultimately realized that wasn’t where I thrive…and that’s okay) and all the way up to someone in their 80’s who was needing some space to process an estranged relationship. In my practice now, I about half of the clients I work with are minors and the other half are young-to-middle-aged adults. I have experiences working with individuals, families, co-parents, and relationships (although I mostly work with people one-on-one).
Something I want potential clients to know…I will be as real with you as I possibly can be. If I ask you a question you don’t want to answer…you never have to answer it. You can ask me anything you want (although it doesn’t mean I’ll answer it). If I don’t know what to say back to you…I’ll say so. And on that note, if I reflect something back to you that doesn’t quite resonate, I want you to tell me. Our time together is something I value and look forward to and, in time, will genuinely care about you.
What’s a lesson you had to unlearn and what’s the backstory?
I LOVE the concept of unlearning…that’s something I should have mentioned earlier! MUCH of the work I do with clients is helping them unlearn years of information while trying to lean into re-learning something new. This is not something that ONLY clients have to do…in fact, it’s a huge part of my life & story (and arguably almost every other person you’ll interact with…assuming people have the self-awareness and want/need to unlearn & re-learn things).
Anyway…a curious thing I’ve had to unlearn has to do with my self-image and presentation. I know tattoos are SO common these days and yet, there are still stereotypes that exist for people who are heavily tattooed. I am a heavily tattooed person (and I don’t meet many (if any) of those stereotypes and have been told I’m a bit of an anomaly as a result. (Side note…I don’t subscribe to those stereotypes that do exist about heavily tattooed people AND also hope people use this as an opportunity to try to unlearn & relearn some of those negative/instant beliefs about it). I share this because I have always practiced as a therapist/professional in the mental health community in a particularly affluent part of Austin. When I began my journey, I worked at a group practice and the group practice owners gently & directly reminded all of the new clinicians there that our image/appearance matters AND to be cognizant of how we present ourselves (both in and out of the counseling office) because there is a chance that we might run into clients in the wild. While I think the intention of this guidance was benign/helpful, the impact was that it SCARED me. My image matters…I’m in a wealthy part of Austin…do people accept tattoos here? What about my scarification? What happens if someone sees me buying a bottle of wine? Or worse…what if someone sees me at a bar? Needless to say, my brain did a little (okay…a lot) of catastrophizing with this and it took me some time to feel grounded and figure out that ALL of those things would be okay. Admittedly, this took time.
When I first started practicing at this group practice, my professional photos in various marketing places were of me in a long sleeved cardigan and scarf…which there is nothing wrong with either of those items, however, that is NOT a regular outfit I would wear (professionally OR personally). My train of thought was–if I dress like I belong here, then people will want to work with me…and then when they meet me and like me, I can show them my tattoos and just hope for the best. More often than not, this went pretty well (although I know of at least 1 clients who didn’t come back to me because I was tattooed and they perceived that as unprofessional). Fast forward about 6 months? Maybe? I had the office manager at this practice take another photo for the website and showed a sliver (truly…a SLIVER) of the sleeve on my arm. At this time, this felt like a radical decision to make because (while it was barely showing)–I WAS showing that I had tattoos publicly online (in professional settings) and it felt scary and like a wild thing to do.
Fast forward to where I am at now…the clinician I am now has so much compassion and love for the clinician I was 7+ years ago. I have learned to embrace the face that my tattoos are a HUGE part of my identity, and as a result, part of my brand for Violet Crown Therapy. I once got a client inquiry from someone who said she was told I was basically a tattooed Disney princess and that was something she thought her daughter would love. Also, tattoos are a great talking point between clients I work with (whether it’s people’s curiosities about my tattoos or asking for recommendations).
I am proud of the fact that I am a 30-something, tattooed business owner. I am proud of who I am and even more proud to not hide it (or feel any shame towards that part of me) anymore. Will there be people who don’t like it and even who don’t work with me because of my tattoos? Yes, absolutely. AND I’ve learned that is okay. If that’s a decision someone makes without ever having met me, it’s clear that we probably wouldn’t be a good therapeutic fit anyway.
Are there any books, videos, essays or other resources that have significantly impacted your management and entrepreneurial thinking and philosophy?
There are SO many books that have influenced me in a variety of ways. It’s difficult (at times) to separate my identity as a therapist and not…I think it’s largely because this IS my identity…although I don’t interact with everyone as a therapist. Anyway…having said that, a lot of the books that have impacted my entrepreneurial thinking and philosophy are books that are about peoples lives and sharing their stories.
The first one that comes to mind, of course, is Wild by Cheryl Strayed. This is such a beautiful (and raw) story of overcoming challenges, navigating authenticity, and feeling empowered. These are ALL parts of being an entrepreneur.
Life Will Be The Death Of Me (And You, Too) by Chelsea Handler is another book that really impacted me (AND it’s something I highly recommend everyone read!) In this book, Chelsea Handler candidly talks about big experiences of grief she’s experienced and also talks about her experience in therapy with Dan Siegel (who is a big deal in the mental health world!) Her open and honest experience about being in therapy made me feel even more proud of the work I do.
Maybe You Should Talk to Someone by Lori Gottlieb is another book that has influenced me in MANY ways. This is a hilarious (and candid) exploration of what it’s like to be a therapist (and the work we do with various clients) while navigating personal experiences and go to our own therapy. Because of privacy laws and HIPAA, I cannot share a lot of things with people…which is fine AND it can also feel isolating as a result. While I have a community of therapists around me that I can consult with (or just talk to when needed), this book is one that gave me more concrete language/ideas of the ins & outs of what a day (or days, rather) in the life of a therapist honestly entails.
I’m very aware that the books listed above are all stories written by white, cis women. That isn’t something that goes unnoticed as I share these recommendations. As a white, cis business owner, I intentionally read books written by and/or follow instagram accounts run by people of color to ensure influences of mine are truly diverse and multicultural.
On that note…Instagram accounts that I follow that also influence the work I do and my philosophy in business include (but are not limited to):
@nedratawwab
@britchida
@queersextherapy
@austincitycounseling
Contact Info:
- Website: http://www.violetcrowntherapy.com/
- Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/violetcrowntherapy/
- Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/violetcrowntherapy
- Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/julie-burke-21302895/
Image Credits
Annie Ray Photography