We were lucky to catch up with Joaquina Abner recently and have shared our conversation below.

Joaquina, looking forward to hearing all of your stories today. Let’s kick things off with your mission – what is it and what’s the story behind why it’s your mission?

My mission is to help women from trauma to triumphant; from abased to blessed; and from feeling unloved and unworthy to loving and embracing who they are.

My “WHY.”
My life from childhood to adulthood I was bullied and was told I was too fat, too ugly, and not worth loving. I always believe it because so many people told me this. I gravitated to people who didn’t see my worth, I didn’t even see it. It was clouded by the emotional storm I’ve experienced.

I’ve experienced all levels of emotion; hurt, pain, sadness, worthlessness, inadequacy, shame, guilt, self-loathing, and humiliation. I didn’t know what love truly was. I know a love a parent and siblings, but of another outside of my family, no. It didn’t exist. How I was treated, I thought was love so I accepted that type of behavior.

I experienced infidelity from my first husband and physical and mental abuse from my second. I wanted my life to end, I tried just that because it was too much to bear. I didn’t go through with it because God intervened through my television. No, it wasn’t a televangelist but a young man singing because he just one a spot to be in a new boy band.

The executive producer of that show followed me on Instagram. We liked and commented on each other’s photos. One day he posted something about a free mental health wellness program. I was curious so I attended. I kept going each week, each class and started to feel respected and loved. It took months for me to get to that point. I learned about Inner Child Work and Breathwork, Journaling, Mindfulness, and Gratitude. I didn’t feel alone anymore.

I’ve learned to channel those emotions to find the purpose and meaning of why I am here and who I am. For me, healthy relationships look like compassion, love, togetherness, and a sense of belonging. Sometimes you get one or two but never all, or at times, none at all. The relationship with myself is significant. The love of God is essential and absolutely necessary. I believe that everyone is meant to live a life full of wonder and beautiful surprises.

Through positive affirmations, communities that encourage me, a caring and loving family that prays for me, and with me, I’ve learned through this process that it’s ok to ask for help and it’s ok not to be ok. I found, through two unique communities, connectedness, courage, and confidence. I found that I relied on the wrong people for the wrong reasons, and I put my trust and hope in God.

I want to help women who has ever experienced what I went through or who are still experiencing it, to know that I am here. I am to listen, to get them out of stuck mode into celebrating their beautiful souls. By using the tools and resources that has helped me, I know deep in my heart that I can do the same for them.

Great, appreciate you sharing that with us. Before we ask you to share more of your insights, can you take a moment to introduce yourself and how you got to where you are today to our readers.

My name is Joaquina, but everyone calls me Kiki. I was born in St. Thomas, U.S.V.I. I am a mother of four adult and married children and a grandmother of nine. Through my second marriage, I have three bonus adult children, and 10 grandchildren. I love to bowl, sing, and especially dance.

I am a Celebration Life Coach because life and you should be celebrated. My business name is Celebrate Life with Coach Kiki. I am a personable, genuine and client and heart-centered coach. I help clients get to the root of their issues and devise a plan to get them from being stuck to dancing in the aisles. My experiences have molded me to be the person I am today. I want every woman to live their life unencumbered and unafraid. I hope and pray that I can help women feel unshackled to live a life full of dreams, visions, passion, and courage. A life worthy of love, joy, laughter, peace, and acceptance is a life that is worthy. After dealing with depression, anxiety, sadness, and experiencing unworthiness, I found that people’s perception of me is none of my business. Through coaching, I provide you with tools to infuse joy, mindfulness, and gratitude into every day, turning ordinary moments into extraordinary memories. I am a personal growth advocate. My work extends to empower you with insights, strategies, and encouragement to reach your full potential. These immersive experiences are designed to foster connections, ignite creativity, and leave you with actionable takeaways to enrich your life.

As an Author, I created a self-care and mental health wellness workbook titled, “This is Me! A Guide to Embracing Your Imperfections” and my memoir titled, “This is Me: Learning to Embrace Imperfections.” I truly started to heal when I was able to tell my story. My story is someone else’s story, my journey is someone else’s journey, it may look different, but the pain is the same. I am here to let you know that you no longer live in fear of disappointing yourself or others, you no longer live your life in a box others placed you in and you are not alone.

I am proud of myself for not giving up. For not allowing my childhood trauma dictate who I am now. I am a child of God. He created me on purpose, with a purpose and for a purpose. He has equipped me to succeed as a coach and an author.

We often hear about learning lessons – but just as important is unlearning lessons. Have you ever had to unlearn a lesson?

This is a great question. In the beginning I wrote about being bullied from my childhood throughout my adulthood and even in my marriages. When you are given negative narratives on a daily or weekly basis for most of your life, you tend to believe them wholeheartedly.

The most profound lesson I needed to unlearn was the idea that my self-worth is determined by external validation. The experiences of childhood bullying, and adulthood abuse had ingrained this belief, but I came to realize that my worth isn’t defined by the opinions of others or the treatment I receive. It is an intrinsic, unchangeable value that I carry within me.

I embarked on seeking to understand my true self beyond the lens of others’ perceptions. I started to declare positive affirmations and declarations over my life. Setting healthy boundaries for myself and others, to protect my emotional and mental well-being. Through this journey, seeking support through therapists and support groups is a huge part of healing. I learn to forgive myself and others because in forgiveness there is growth. Through embracing authenticity there is transformation which by unlearning the lesson that my self-worth was tied to external opinions, I transformed my life. I reclaimed my power and learned to love and respect myself. Through this journey, I emerged stronger, more resilient, and determined to share my story to inspire others to unlearn harmful beliefs and embrace their inherent worth.

How about pivoting – can you share the story of a time you’ve had to pivot?

I was 18 years old when I got married and had my first child. By the time I was 22 years old, I was a mother of four. My husband and I didn’t realize having children at a young age was not only unwise, but it was also foolish. We weren’t prepared mentally, financially and emotionally. We couldn’t depend on each other because we were completely clueless.

I didn’t know how to take care of my own children because I was still a child myself. I was raised with the “speak when spoken to” and “when the adults are talking, you shut your mouth” generation. That’s how I was raised and that’s how I raised my children but that was not healthy nor conducive to a healthy childhood.

I didn’t give them space to talk out their feelings, I quieted their creative minds, and I gave them the impression that they didn’t matter. How I treated my children is how I was treated. That was a generational curse I needed to break or at least help them break for their children.

As they grew into adulthood, I had to pivot how my grandchildren saw me. I embraced their personalities; I gave them room to express how they feel without judgement and talk to them with love and compassion.

The lack of parenting skills that my children endured will not work for the next generation. I adapt to changing circumstances, I had an openness to learn not only from my adult children but from my grands as well, I understand others’ perspectives and needs which leads to more effective interactions and outcomes. Pivoting often leads to improved connections and relationships, as it shows our willingness to meet others where they are. I’m grateful for embracing their shifts with openness and a positive mindset that can lead to transformational outcomes, as a mother, grandmother, and a coach.

Contact Info:

• Website: www.coachkiki.net
• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/celebrationcoachkiki/#
• Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/LifeCoachKiki
• Linkedin: www.linkedin.com/in/kiki-abner-65009323

Image Credits
WorkPlay Branding